Costly Assumptions

Costly Assumptions

I start with a real story. Two friends whose mother language is Arabic were on a train traveling on a long journey. During the journey a lady walked in at one train stop and sat next to them. The two friends tried to guess where she came from and then decided she was African from Senegal or a neighboring country. The two friends were attracted by her beauty and started talking in Arabic about her. They exchanged many comments about her. Just few minutes before the train reached its final destination the lady interrupted them by saying she was from The Sudan and that Arabic was her mother tongue. The two friends were almost paralyzed with surprise and were extremely embarrassed.
As simple as this story might sound it teaches us many lessons. First, we assume and believe our assumptions. We confine ourselves to a small and dark room with no ventilation. This allows mold to grow and the room becomes very unhealthy. This reflects back on us and our assumptions become even more confining. We lose our senses to see the signals telling us that our assumptions are wrong. In the case of the two friends the lady must have given signals that she was disturbed by the. These could include angry eyes, turning her face away, surprised eyes, angry lips movement or any cue that she was unhappy. However; the two friends believed their assumption and failed to see they were false.

We tend to become imprisoned by our assumptions. However; there are other unnoticeable costs to these assumptions. In the case of the two friends they became suspicious of their ability to "read" people. That backfired on their attitudes. Being fearful that what they assume is wrong extended to other areas in their lives. They became suspicious of others and they have agendas to hide. They became suspicious of their wives and friends and the small and dark room they were living in became even smaller and darker with more molds growing in. The walls were painted with black spots reflecting the black spots in their lives. The two friends not only lost friends as they became antagonists to each other.
Our assumptions might shape us and then shape our behaviors. Repeated behaviors become habits that inhabit in us. They populate us and grow fast enough to turn our lives into hell. How many wives lost their husbands because of suspicion and vice versa? We can't build healthy relationships if we live in darkness all the time.

Costly Assumptions

The story of the two friends teaches us another valuable lesson. The residues of bad assumptions stay with us. They become the trigger for many related behaviors. They keep warning us of the possible embarrassments they may cause us. They not only keep us in small and dark rooms; moreover they tie up our hands, feet and minds and thus further limiting our choices. Like still water that allows fungi to grow, so we are standing still because of our confinement with doubts and over-precaution.

We need not confine our lives by limiting assumptions because their effect extends their lines around us and make advancements seriously difficult. They are the invisible jail for us and we need to clear them from our mind cache to be able to move forward. We don't want a dandelion with a false color of assumption.

I dedicate this buzz to @Deb Lange for not only inspiring me with the idea of this post, but also for extending my self-trust and clearing false assumptions from my life.


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Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#49
Lada Prkic- I totally agree with you "...think critically and to make self-corrections to assumptions". One day I shall write with examples on how to do it

Lada 🏑 Prkic

Lada 🏑 Prkic

5 years ago #34

I think many of our assumptions that are influenced by our beliefs or just by instinct are justified. But some are not. No matter how strong are our beliefs on which we made assumptions, we should be able to question them and to test them. And that's the hardest thing, to think critically and to make self-corrections to assumptions about things we often take for granted. Sadly, many of us refuse to clear their minds and move forward.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#46
nuevos significados son posibles

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#44
You remind me of BF and what bad manners can do . You understand me and remembering this man I feel closeness with your comment.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#42
Bad manners- yes, I agree with you Nicole Chardenet. Bad manners coupled with false assumption is even worse. Do bad manners cause us to make more false assumptions? That is a question I shall be thinking about. You got me scratching my head and may be you have an answer Nicole

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#40
Erroll -EL- Warner- new thinking, but regardless of the scale of risk (or, better assumed risk)?

mohammed khalaf

mohammed khalaf

5 years ago #29

Most of us don't realize that we are being judged every moment. Our friends, co-workers, boss, employees, and family members - all are listening carefully to what we say and do, and how we react to circumstances.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

5 years ago #28

#23
Dear Anees Zaidi Assumed listening has become a part of life for this generation. We assume that we are listening to other's when all they need is to be heard :) . This can relate to one's work and personal life.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#33
To assume doesn't give me the right. The penalty death was inactivated because some innocent people got killed. So, you dear Franci Eugenia Hoffman and @Randy Keho started a big issue worthy of studying in far greater detail

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#32
@Randy Keho- good point; however and many innocent people then may get killed? There must be better training in understanding body language and other senses. However; the bigger issue is why do we have a high rate of crime?

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#31
Thank you dear Tausif Mundrawala and I am grateful to you

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

Yes, this is an interesting subject for today's issues. To assume can lead us down the wrong path by taking too much for granted without any knowledge of the situation. But, what about Randy Keho's comment. Should certain types of assumption be taught?

Randy Keho

Randy Keho

5 years ago #23

Tell the policeman patrolling the streets of Chicago not to operate under an assumption and you'll have another dead policeman.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#29
A sense is truly a sense when used properly my dear Anees Zaidi. I shall try to respond in my next buzzz with my two stories. These are stories that I lived and aren't based on different types of listening. I hope to be able to respond properly dear brother.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I was just about to send you a message when I noticed you commented Sara Jacobovici. I thank you for your comment and I love it. Mostly, I am intrigued by your writing "Assumptions refer to a process in which we react with our eyes open". Is this a paradox dear Sara- assuming with eyes open? I am sure you have a hidden from the open eyes secret?

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

5 years ago #20

Dear Ali Anani, I love your reference to the short term and long term aspects of assumptions. So true; being in an assumption, "a state" of assumption, is short sighted and short lived, while its consequences definitely have a long term negative impact. Gentlemen, Ali Anani and Mohammed Sultan, if I may express my perspective on the elephant story. For me this story reflects how if we only focus on one aspect of a larger experience, the picture is incomplete and the information can mislead. It is a story about the need to integrate our individual impressions and "see" the big picture, the whole picture with each of us making a contribution. Assumptions refer to a process in which we react with our eyes open.

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

5 years ago #19

#23
Great observation and question Anees Zaidi as he gets ready to produce more honey. Looking forward to continuing the exchange with the results of his latest work.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#23
Dear Anees Zaidi that I shall be giving two interesting stories in a forthcoming buzz. Now, I change my plan and my next buzz shall reveal the two stories and their relevance to your probing comment. For now, listening carelessly is like somebody going in many directions at the same time- rotating in same place without moving ahead and gaining nothing.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#21
Thank you dear Graham Edwards for your encouraging comment. You are most welcome to use. Soon, I shall tell two amazing stories that I think shall resonate with you.

Graham🐝 Edwards

Graham🐝 Edwards

5 years ago #16

Thank you for the buzz Ali Anani. I will definitely add this story to my collection as it's important lesson.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#18
Great example dear Brian McKenzie. yes, we deprive ourselves of the "ride" when we make silly assumptions. A perfect example

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#18
Great example dear Brian McKenzie. yes, we deprive ourselves of the :ride" when we make silly assumptions. A perfect example

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#15
Again, I want to thank you dear Fatima Williams for sharing this buzz in Self-Improvement hive. There are many new hives and I need to educate myself more to know more about them

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#15
Dear Fatima Williams is brilliant because you singled the most prominent factor that propelled me to write this buzz. I love this segment of your comment for it is true and crucial "This is an absolutely beautiful way of telling someone how to deal with bad assumptions and extend their self-trust. We got to believe we are on the right road in our life, assumptions will do us no good". yes, even physically this can be true. A driver on the road assuming he is in the right direction only to discover his wrong assumption when he runs out of fuel. We tend to assume for too long.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

5 years ago #11

Thank you so much Ali Anani for sharing such an insightful post. We tend to become imprisoned by our assumptions is a true statement ( I've gone through this many times ). It happens more in the industry I work in and also in our own personal lives. We assume things when it's comes to our relationships, families and our love life which causes a drift in either one of them ! I'm recollecting the post on Seedless Love, written by you at this minute. (https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/the-seedless-love) I also love this statement as its unbelievably true "We lose our senses to see the signals telling us that our assumptions are wrong." We come into this world with all the sounds necessary to speak any language. When we learn and use one language, the brain lets go of and we end up losing all the sounds which are not uttered in the one language being spoken" . This reminds me of how we smoke even though we know a cigar can kill us. How we see a highway and want to race even though we know its a foolish thing to do. When I say " we ", I take the liberty of addressing this to people of my age as they know I'm not assuming here. This is an absolutely beautiful way of telling someone how to deal with bad assumptions and extend their self-trust. We got to believe we are on the right road in our life, assumptions will do us no good. Most of the time we tend not to blend the decisions of the heart and the mind. According to me that's when I would end up doing something wrong or misunderstanding someone. I never judge by looks, clothes, color or sometimes even by attitude as a person's attitude is bound to change. I would love to share this with my friends and team and see how they respond. Thank you once again.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#13
Thank you dear Mohammed Sultan for stopping by and commenting. The elephant story and my story remind us that we live in the humid and dark room of assumptions. Why do we fail to learn I don't know. May be in part due to our hurriedness and in trying to prove we are smar. When the bell tolls a disaster it is then another story

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#11
Thank you debasish majumder explained in her very thoughtful comment. Again, I thank you Debasish for opening my mind to new possibilities.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#5
This is a very powerful sharing and I am sure Deb Lange

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#4
Dear friend Sara Jacobovici- yes, and I love your example and I agree that as we lower our ability to learn languages we also degrade our abilities to use our senses. Yes, we limit our vocabularies, our possibilities, our senses to choose. Even though the short-term effects may not be notices, it is the long-term effects that are devastating. I find people say that we haven't suffered say from smoking because we feel good about it. Later on when it is too late the cost of such a wrong assumption emerge. You inspire me with a new metaphor- bad assumptions are like smoking: enjoyable may be on the short-term, but very costly in the long-term

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
I am glad you like the post my friend Deb Lange. Yes, as we dig in, we must also learn how to dig out. I know you know how.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#2
Dear brother Anees Zaidi- you bring in a hugely important issue when we assume our kids don't know when they know. You remind me of a true story which I still six years old. A young girl asked innocently his mother in front of others "why women become pregnant only after they get married"? The embarrassed mom replied "because they take certain pills". The next day the girl was taken to hospital because she took a pill, assuming it was for pregnancy. Even if young kids don't know they try to find out for themselves the truth.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#1
#1 You educated me with your great comment dear Mamen Delgado. Your reference to the 4 Toltec Agreements is perfect and I need to flourish my mind about it. I shall read your linked buzz today. Very grateful to your contribution

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

5 years ago #3

#3
Important connection between our ability to sense and ability to choose Deb Lange.

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

5 years ago #2

A powerful buzz Ali Anani with a very important message that needs to be "heard".You write, "We lose our senses to see the signals telling us that our assumptions are wrong." We come into this world with all the sounds necessary to speak any language. When we learn and use one language, the brain lets go of and we end up losing all the sounds which are not uttered in the one language being spoken. The same can be said about our non-verbal communication in which we have all the senses to pick up on what is being communicated through gestures, tone of voice, facial expressions, body language and so on. Limiting our vocabulary, limits our potential to communicate, to learn and understand; these losses keep "us in small and dark rooms; moreover they tie up our hands, feet and minds and thus further limiting our choices."

Mamen 🐝 Delgado

Mamen 🐝 Delgado

5 years ago #1

Absolutely agreed with you Ali Anani! Your post reminds me the 4 Toltec Agreements, and precisely the first Agreement says "Do not make assumptions". Here you have a post I wrote about it in May: https://www.bebee.com/producer/@mamen-delgado/comunicacion-efectiva-los-4-acuerdos-toltecas-effective-communication-the-4-toltec-agreements If we could apply the 4 Toltec Agreements to our communication, life would be much easier and fluently. Thanks for the reminder!! My challenge is to apply de Toltec Agreements as much as I can. πŸ’«

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