Costly Assumptions
I start with a real story. Two friends whose mother language is Arabic were on a train traveling on a long journey. During the journey a lady walked in at one train stop and sat next to them. The two friends tried to guess where she came from and then decided she was African from Senegal or a neighboring country. The two friends were attracted by her beauty and started talking in Arabic about her. They exchanged many comments about her. Just few minutes before the train reached its final destination the lady interrupted them by saying she was from The Sudan and that Arabic was her mother tongue. The two friends were almost paralyzed with surprise and were extremely embarrassed.
As simple as this story might sound it teaches us many lessons. First, we assume and believe our assumptions. We confine ourselves to a small and dark room with no ventilation. This allows mold to grow and the room becomes very unhealthy. This reflects back on us and our assumptions become even more confining. We lose our senses to see the signals telling us that our assumptions are wrong. In the case of the two friends the lady must have given signals that she was disturbed by the. These could include angry eyes, turning her face away, surprised eyes, angry lips movement or any cue that she was unhappy. However; the two friends believed their assumption and failed to see they were false.
We tend to become imprisoned by our assumptions. However; there are other unnoticeable costs to these assumptions. In the case of the two friends they became suspicious of their ability to "read" people. That backfired on their attitudes. Being fearful that what they assume is wrong extended to other areas in their lives. They became suspicious of others and they have agendas to hide. They became suspicious of their wives and friends and the small and dark room they were living in became even smaller and darker with more molds growing in. The walls were painted with black spots reflecting the black spots in their lives. The two friends not only lost friends as they became antagonists to each other.
Our assumptions might shape us and then shape our behaviors. Repeated behaviors become habits that inhabit in us. They populate us and grow fast enough to turn our lives into hell. How many wives lost their husbands because of suspicion and vice versa? We can't build healthy relationships if we live in darkness all the time.
The story of the two friends teaches us another valuable lesson. The residues of bad assumptions stay with us. They become the trigger for many related behaviors. They keep warning us of the possible embarrassments they may cause us. They not only keep us in small and dark rooms; moreover they tie up our hands, feet and minds and thus further limiting our choices. Like still water that allows fungi to grow, so we are standing still because of our confinement with doubts and over-precaution.
We need not confine our lives by limiting assumptions because their effect extends their lines around us and make advancements seriously difficult. They are the invisible jail for us and we need to clear them from our mind cache to be able to move forward. We don't want a dandelion with a false color of assumption.
I dedicate this buzz to @Deb Lange for not only inspiring me with the idea of this post, but also for extending my self-trust and clearing false assumptions from my life.
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التعليقات
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #34
Lada Prkic- I totally agree with you "...think critically and to make self-corrections to assumptions". One day I shall write with examples on how to do it
Lada 🏡 Prkic
منذ 7 سنوات #33
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #32
nuevos significados son posibles
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #31
You remind me of BF and what bad manners can do . You understand me and remembering this man I feel closeness with your comment.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #30
Bad manners- yes, I agree with you Nicole Chardenet. Bad manners coupled with false assumption is even worse. Do bad manners cause us to make more false assumptions? That is a question I shall be thinking about. You got me scratching my head and may be you have an answer Nicole
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #29
Erroll -EL- Warner- new thinking, but regardless of the scale of risk (or, better assumed risk)?
mohammed khalaf
منذ 7 سنوات #28
🐝 Fatima G. Williams
منذ 7 سنوات #27
Dear Anees Zaidi Assumed listening has become a part of life for this generation. We assume that we are listening to other's when all they need is to be heard :) . This can relate to one's work and personal life.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #26
To assume doesn't give me the right. The penalty death was inactivated because some innocent people got killed. So, you dear Franci Eugenia Hoffman and @Randy Keho started a big issue worthy of studying in far greater detail
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #25
@Randy Keho- good point; however and many innocent people then may get killed? There must be better training in understanding body language and other senses. However; the bigger issue is why do we have a high rate of crime?
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #24
Thank you dear Tausif Mundrawala and I am grateful to you
Randy Keho
منذ 7 سنوات #23
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #22
A sense is truly a sense when used properly my dear Anees Zaidi. I shall try to respond in my next buzzz with my two stories. These are stories that I lived and aren't based on different types of listening. I hope to be able to respond properly dear brother.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #21
Sara Jacobovici
منذ 7 سنوات #20
Sara Jacobovici
منذ 7 سنوات #19
Great observation and question Anees Zaidi as he gets ready to produce more honey. Looking forward to continuing the exchange with the results of his latest work.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #18
Dear Anees Zaidi that I shall be giving two interesting stories in a forthcoming buzz. Now, I change my plan and my next buzz shall reveal the two stories and their relevance to your probing comment. For now, listening carelessly is like somebody going in many directions at the same time- rotating in same place without moving ahead and gaining nothing.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #17
Thank you dear Graham Edwards for your encouraging comment. You are most welcome to use. Soon, I shall tell two amazing stories that I think shall resonate with you.
Graham🐝 Edwards
منذ 7 سنوات #16
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #15
Great example dear Brian McKenzie. yes, we deprive ourselves of the "ride" when we make silly assumptions. A perfect example
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #14
Great example dear Brian McKenzie. yes, we deprive ourselves of the :ride" when we make silly assumptions. A perfect example
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #13
Again, I want to thank you dear Fatima Williams for sharing this buzz in Self-Improvement hive. There are many new hives and I need to educate myself more to know more about them
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #12
Dear Fatima Williams is brilliant because you singled the most prominent factor that propelled me to write this buzz. I love this segment of your comment for it is true and crucial "This is an absolutely beautiful way of telling someone how to deal with bad assumptions and extend their self-trust. We got to believe we are on the right road in our life, assumptions will do us no good". yes, even physically this can be true. A driver on the road assuming he is in the right direction only to discover his wrong assumption when he runs out of fuel. We tend to assume for too long.
🐝 Fatima G. Williams
منذ 7 سنوات #11
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #10
Thank you dear Mohammed Sultan for stopping by and commenting. The elephant story and my story remind us that we live in the humid and dark room of assumptions. Why do we fail to learn I don't know. May be in part due to our hurriedness and in trying to prove we are smar. When the bell tolls a disaster it is then another story
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #9
Thank you debasish majumder explained in her very thoughtful comment. Again, I thank you Debasish for opening my mind to new possibilities.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #8
This is a very powerful sharing and I am sure Deb Lange
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #7
Dear friend Sara Jacobovici- yes, and I love your example and I agree that as we lower our ability to learn languages we also degrade our abilities to use our senses. Yes, we limit our vocabularies, our possibilities, our senses to choose. Even though the short-term effects may not be notices, it is the long-term effects that are devastating. I find people say that we haven't suffered say from smoking because we feel good about it. Later on when it is too late the cost of such a wrong assumption emerge. You inspire me with a new metaphor- bad assumptions are like smoking: enjoyable may be on the short-term, but very costly in the long-term
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #6
I am glad you like the post my friend Deb Lange. Yes, as we dig in, we must also learn how to dig out. I know you know how.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #5
Dear brother Anees Zaidi- you bring in a hugely important issue when we assume our kids don't know when they know. You remind me of a true story which I still six years old. A young girl asked innocently his mother in front of others "why women become pregnant only after they get married"? The embarrassed mom replied "because they take certain pills". The next day the girl was taken to hospital because she took a pill, assuming it was for pregnancy. Even if young kids don't know they try to find out for themselves the truth.
Ali Anani
منذ 7 سنوات #4
#1 You educated me with your great comment dear Mamen Delgado. Your reference to the 4 Toltec Agreements is perfect and I need to flourish my mind about it. I shall read your linked buzz today. Very grateful to your contribution
Sara Jacobovici
منذ 7 سنوات #3
Important connection between our ability to sense and ability to choose Deb Lange.
Sara Jacobovici
منذ 7 سنوات #2
Mamen 🐝 Delgado
منذ 7 سنوات #1