Dilution of Pain

Dilution of Pain

One of the biggest traumas that lead to chronic pain is rape. Such a disturbing experience may lead to chaotic lives of the victims, or to the transformation of the victims into new beings. As bitter as these experiences maybe they have great lessons for all of us to lead more productive lives and get over our pains, regardless of their sources.

One of the stories that I recall is the story of a university student who was raped by a fellow student. The initial reaction of the victimized student was to leave the university and seclude herself from life. She only had her bitter memory to remember. That led her to depression and thinking of suicide occasionally. She was escaping from life. It is the stage of the growth of pain.

The abused woman had depleted her energy. Her connectedness with the world was so poor that she lived in a β€œrigidity gap”. She recognized the trouble of continuing to live the way she did. Somehow, her passionate friends convinced her to resume her university and get a degree. She did. Post-graduation she started a business geared towards making comfortable athletic shoes for women because she realized that athletic shoes were designed for the comfort of men. What made her successful is that she found a way to release her pain by helping other women by donating money, or by campaigning for women to be strong. Not only that helped her business, but increased her intensity to empower women. The release phase has helped the woman to re-organize her life and transform the lives of other women as well.

The victimized lady realized that the delight of empowering woman was greater than her personal pain.
Ali Anani

The antidote for personal pain is finding a way to release the personal pain and then finding a grand goal bigger than oneself to work on. The eraser or diluter of pain is a greater cause than personal pain.

Not all victimized women reached this release and self-organizing phases. Some of them committed suicide, or their health deteriorated and passed away young. So, the question that clouded my mind is why the same experience take us to diverse trajectories?

Reviewing the story of the victimized woman we find that she went into four phases. 1- The growth of her pain. 2- the conservation of her pain. 3- the release of her pain. 4. Self-organizing that lead her to lead a productive life. This is similar to the panarchy model of the adaptive cycle that is applied for nature and social lives. The adaptive cycle of pain is fractal and so is pain. More, the adaptive cycle has three dimensions that lead it to go through these four phases. These dimensions are: resilience, connectedness and wealth or (capital). Emotional pain resulting from rape may likewise have the same three dimensions: emotional wealth, emotional resilience and emotional connectedness.

Emotional Resilience means bouncing back from a stressful experience and not allowing it disturb our internal motivation. The emotional resilience of the victim and of the society may synchronize and work together or in opposing directions. It is in the latter case that the victim withdraws from life. Social resilience is the timely capacity of individuals and groups–family, community, country, and enterprise–to be more generative during times of stability and to adapt, reorganize, and grow in response to disruption.

Social Emotional Wealth refers to the emotional support the society extends to the needy victims. Will society help the victims passionately to resume their lives, or force them to seclude themselves in isolation? In the case of the raped woman mentioned above, the society was very passionate and supported her cause and business. In other cases, the society wasn’t and that led to disastrous results. Social emotions include embarrassment, guilt, shame, empathy, pride, envy and few others.

Social emotionsΒ ease effective social relationships through two primary pathways: they provide incentives to engage in social interactionsΒ and they increase the prospect that people will follow to societal norms that are essential for group living.

Social emotional wealth led to the Arab Spring following the pain of a poor man that set himself on fire. Pain can spread like fire in a forest when the is enough social emotions to turn an individual pain into a social pain.

Social Emotional Interconnectedness- Social emotions lead to increased and more productive interconnectedness and healthy relationships. The greater the healthy social emotions are, the greater empathy and support the victim shall get. In times of pain, social support will help the victims find the grand goal that is bigger than their pain.

I am concluding here that if the panarchy model applies to social societies it also extends to pain and that the pain of the individual is scaled to be the pain of the family, of the community, of the society, of the country of the region and of the world. It is a fractal pain that has the same adaptive cycle as nature and societies have.

Without the great comments of many commenters on my previous buzz β€œRemoving Hurting Memory Stains” here on beBee and LinkedIn this buzz wouldn’t have been written. I extend my thanks to all of you. The exchange of comments between me and both Cyndi Wilkins and Joyce Bowen have spurred me to share, hopefully, not terribly chaotic thoughts here. Cyndi this buzz is a follow up buzz on your most recent one” The Apollo Paradigm”.



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Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#68
Indeed, dear Jerry as statistics show that most abused women refrain from talking about or reporting their bitter experiences. When groups solidify and gather more momentum, more women shall be encouraged to report their experiences. Social understanding of this issue shall remain a key factor in the success of these emerging groups.

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

2 years ago #59

Dr. Ali, The resilience of half the human population is, to me, a miracle. Your example of an abused woman brought to mind that there is a very large sample you can test upon for verification. I'm told by a female friend that 3 of 5 women in the USA have been abused. The ratio is higher in other countries. They seldom talk about it. They get no justice by reporting it. But, she and a growing international coterie are building a group that will give women a forum and perhaps, in time, a physical presence sufficient to seek legal restitution for detestable male behavior.The resilience of half the human population is, to me, a miracle.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#65
I am going to read your story Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee with great anticipation. I am drafting a buzz that I shall upload in less than two hours a buzz titled "Blind Insights". In it I shall explain myself more.

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

#64
I sought that in closure, Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. What I found, and still carry with me, are the stories of horror from his many victims. I should feel content with helping them (and myself) find some measure of justice. I know what I accomplished, but I also know that I hold a dichotomous sense of failure in not being able to defeat such a corrupt system. I point you here to one such story: https://www.bebee.com/producer/@joyce-bowen/predation-stories-of-stolen-childhoods Memories of Tina and John haunt me the most. They will probably always do so. I've been working on a book for years and never finished.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Thank you for sharing your experience with all its darkness Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee . It is sad that when we punish a predator we mostly tend to think of the immediate harm he inflicted on us. The long-time effects that may burnout people over the course of their lives should be a prime factor in dealing with predators and deciding the punishment they deserve. Killing innocence and hopes is a huge crime. However; the prey should realize that she/he is destroying er/his life and this is a form of self-punishment. These people end up losing not only their innocence, but also their health and aspirations. That is why I believe they should find a great and delightful ideas that exceeds their pain so as to may go on with their lives.

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee Hell--I went after the so-and-so. After being sexually assaulted at the age of 16, I reported the man and nothing was done. I gave up for thirteen years then knew something had to be done to remove this man from the lives of children. It took seven more years to accomplish anything at all--all the while being meant to feel like a serial killer rather than the pursuer of a child predator. He was a powerful man, and at that time, I was naive enough to believe that right was right. He paid a price for his crimes, but not enough in my view. He never went to jail.

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

Hell--I went after the so-and-so. After being sexually assaulted at the age of 16, I reported the man and nothing was done. I gave up for thirteen years then knew something had to be done. It took seven more years to accomplish anything at all--all the while being meant to feel like a serial killer than the pursuer of a child predator. He was a powerful man, and at that time, I was naive enough to believe that right was right. He paid a price for his crimes, but not enough in my view. He never went to jail.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#59
I consider your comment Deas Plant an an extension of the post. I experienced what you talk about. My late dad had to be operated for bleeding ulcer in which more than half of his stomach was removed.I was then about eight years old. My father survived the operation only to suffer later from flu and he started coughing while still hospitalized. This led to the opening of his operation and we could see his ulcer with the naked eye. The surgeon was at a loss because my fathers's body was too weak to accept ant anesthesia. The surgeon told my dad of his fears and his response was "give me the Holy Book and operate me while reading it. He was operated without anesthesia and without grumbling. His spiritual power was much greater than his physical pain.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#57
Yes, dear Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador below. I thank you Franci for your sharing the buzz.

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

#37
Yes, there are causes for rape, some being the same as causes for murder. You mentioned several of those probable causes but what about those deep-rooted or hidden causes or hidden feelings, as discussed in your buzz - Underground Feelings - https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/underground-feelings. My point is, and unfortunately, I feel it will take years to understand the probable causes and an eternity to understand the hidden feelings.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#53
Dear Cyndi wilkins with his firm stand on these issues would find the time to respond to your comment. For now you raised my hair up with the cruel reality "The difference between me and my offender was that I turned my pain inward and inflicted it upon myself..". I do share your opinion.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#52
Dear Harvey Lloyd- you asked me if "If by sophistication you mean courageous in action i agree". I agree too this being a significant trait of yours. You raised the issue "Even though self defense is a cause and effect presents an outcome, you nonetheless must live with that outcome". This is true and we tend to overlook this issue. Amazing, how we dig deep in the complex and leave the basics. The reason is that we don't integrate our spiritual and physical parts and your explanation is right. This segmentation makes me feel that we are divided into twp parts with each one going in a different direction. Your comment stands out and merits a detailed buzz to explore its depth.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #48

Correction to this statement... "Not for the man who inflicted man upon me," ...I am obviously referring to pain here;-)

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #47

#50
There is no disappointment in sharing perspectives...and yours is a very crucial element to this discussion David. It is the root of what we are getting at here...Deep trauma embedded within the human psyche...In this case rape being at its core. The difference between me and my offender was that I turned my pain inward and inflicted it upon myself...So I guess you could say I sat upon my own 'pineapple' for many years....He, on the other hand, expressed his pain via repeat behavior....I have no idea what became of him and I can only hope he has found peace somehow...He would be quite elderly now, so I doubt he continues dishing out pineapples. My point is, my way was no better than his...I still continued to participate in re-cycling pain patterns...However, in my case self-inflicted. Once the pain became too great, and I managed to survive every attempt at harming myself, I turned to a higher order of thinking...perhaps one might call it God...But I tend to believe that when we have reached a point of no return a call goes out to the soul of humanity...and for me it called for compassion. Not for the man who inflicted man upon me, but for the 'child within' who suffered the same fate. That is when the healing began....Peace out;-)

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

2 years ago #46

#48
If by sophistication you mean courageous in action i agree. Courage in the face of perpetrator/victim self awareness is the ultimate in wisdom. I do unto others regardless of what they do, not because they are deserving, but rather i need to be able to live with myself after i act upon the situation. Even though self defense is a cause and effect presents an outcome, you nonetheless must live with that outcome. You have prevented another from any form of redemption. In self defense we must understand that after the act their you will be. Revenge and other motivational modes will all end in the same result. You now become the perpetrator. Given this thought we are left to deal with the victim status we are handed. Again, Viktor Frankl’s experience is the guiding principle here. My physical material self is separated from my spiritual self. Others may control aspects of my persona life but they cant own my soul unless i give that away myself. Which will happen if my spirit and physical existence are tied together. Exploring ones spiritual self is important to understand the concept of self awareness. I am therefore I am is the presentation of spirit/mind connectedness that can't withstand the malevolence we may encounter.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#50
You didn't disappoint me in any way my dear friend David Navarro L\u00f3pez. The only disappointment is that this idea crossed your mind. You know how precious are important to me and I love your ingenuity. I aimed at provoking you because of your first and short comment. I wanted more elaboration. You have great points and I simply trying to find my way in the "noodles network". It is like spaghetti for me and finding my path is energy-consuming. As for the part of your comment addressed to Cyndi wilkins I leave the room for her to respond. But one question is left. Is it the same if two rapists committed their crimes with one with terrible bad experience and the other without? I am just asking.

David Navarro LΓ³pez

David Navarro LΓ³pez

2 years ago #44

Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee Sorry to disappoint you, but I am too blockhead when it has to do with this issue, and it awakes on me terrible thoughts which I dislike to share. For example, compassion is a human feeling. This is what should have been shown by the offender in the first place. Not showing compassion? Not human. Therefore you get...a pineapple. Cyndi, if your offender had its inception as a rapist because of his mother, well, sorry, I don't give a damn. It was his choice to revert his bad experience into you Why did you Cindy not become a rapist? It was your choice not to, isn't it? Again, sorry, with rapists, tolerance 0. Just pineapples. β€œDo not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces." Matthew 7:6. Compassion is a holy thing, for a rapist is casting pearls before swine. Rapists have crossed the ultimate line between human being and a hog. They deserve to be treated like a hog, and that is when you have compassion for them. And furthermore, once they have crossed the line, they never come back. It's a waste of time. If you want to be compassionate with them, the option is chemical castration and social service for the rest of their lives. Or pineapples. (sorry, I couldn't help to say it again)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#46
Dear Cyndi wilkins- I just couldn't respond because I am the one who "broached broach the very painful subject matter of deeply embedded trauma". I leave you to enjoy your "brain bra;", I just wonder if you do really have one.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#47
Having pondered on your comment I must say you are correct. The complexity of this issue is such that finding the cause and error because of their feedback effect isn't a wise approach. I am guilty of thinking in terms of cause and effect. May be because today is a feast day and I keep interrupted by visitors so, focusing is lacking. The other point you highlight dear Harvey Lloyd "Self awareness the authority of belief systems over our life and many other factors lead us to an enlightened wise position whereby motivation is gone". This is a highly sophisticated one and I am sure you have your thoughts on expanding on this one.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

2 years ago #41

#44
Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee being touched by malevolence is something we all should listen too and learn from. Your story is one that i have shared with others from my own past. With wisdom comes a great responsibility, of which i think you identified with the word compassion. Humans create emotional needs in others as a matter of natural order. It is part of the process of being human. Sometimes the needs of one get out of whack and the they display an overbearing on others when creating emotional need/trauma. Why? I don't believe a true answer can be had within cause and effect. We can find excuses tolerance and other ways of making sense of such acts. But until we delve into the spiritual axioms of the belief system, we will never be able to sort the motivation. We can desensitize, detach from the mechanisms of need and action, but we will never get to the root cause. Self awareness the authority of belief systems over our life and many other factors lead us to an enlightened wise position whereby motivation is gone. The Shadow work that Jung talks about is working at the root of why our persona presents in such malevolent ways. Experincial cause and effect can go but so far in relieving the perpetrator and the victim from such events.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #40

#45
I'm quite sure that is what is bubbling in the back my brain right now Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee...However, after the last segment of 'Apollo' I am in need of a little 'brain break'... You see the synchronicity of our minds at work here? You posts broach the very painful subject matter of deeply embedded trauma, and I am cross-pollinating them with posts on 'changing mindsets' on our path to healing.'Very poignant indeed;-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#44
I wonder how our friend David Navarro L\u00f3pez would response. I read your comment with empathy dear Cyndi wilkins. I am moved by your courage to share a personal experience. I wish our friend Harvey Lloyd would read your comment as well because of great experience with the shadow that we all have and discretely steers our lives. You highlight a great point in your comment that is my pain is his pain. Out of revenge, of not feeling isolated, out of revenge many people tend to export their pain to others. The victim with a charcoal burden of terrible cycling memory will be under great stress and may behave oddly accordingly. This is an issue that deserves a new buzz from you dear Cyndi.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #38

#43
Before David responds I would like to share one more thing...I realize it is difficult to comprehend having empathy for the offender here, so I will speak from the side of the 'victim'... I have had personal experience with this issue at the tender age of eleven. I was not a victim of a brutal encounter mind you, however it was inappropriate sexual behavior forced on me by a known offender. The father of a close friend...Being someone I knew and trusted made it even more painful. I was so ashamed and thought I had done something to encourage that behavior in him. I spent very many years that being viciously angry at myself and trusting no one. Unleashing rage was the only thing that made me feel better 'mentally' and medicating my body physically when it ached with pain...You see the vicious cycle being created here? So I do not agree that having the victim of such a painful trauma inflicting it on their offender will help heal their own pain...Instead, what happened with me was learning my offender had been violated by his own mother. Of course I was many years older when I learned of this, but the timing was appropriate for my understanding of his pain...HIS PAIN was MY PAIN...and when I had compassion for him, I had compassion for myself and stopped beating myself up with blame and shame. The healing begins with COMPASSION.... Thank you for listening...

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#42
I have my thoughts, but would love to read David Navarro L\u00f3pez response first. Cyndi wilkins- the pain of the impostor syndrome is discussed in my new buzz https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/underground-feelings

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #36

#36
Every perception of an experience is appropriate for the individual David...you said something very interesting here...and I would just like to stretch your mind a little bit further;-) " The victim applying this punishment should be the right thing to do for starters. From this point on, dealing with her pain would be much easier." That is exactly what the offender is attempting to accomplish...release their pain. However, their attempts at doing so is grossly misguided and only results in creating an addictive behavior cycle...much like an addict would to 'painkillers'...Not healthy, and leads to more pain, hence requiring more and more pills to soothe them...I think the analogy works here.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I do appreciate all the comments here as they raise great and relevant issues. My focus in this buzz was reflected in my quote in the background image. The victims may transform their lives if they receive social emotional support in three dimensions (social emotional support), social emotional interconnectedness and social emotional resilience. The preparedness of the victims to transform is also guided by the same three-dimensional emotions. This is a fractal pattern repeating on all scales.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#36
You are spot on dear David Navarro L\u00f3pez. This line says a lot "Many of them are able much earlier to go back to their "normal" life than victims". I have noticed the same. The issue is by, say punishing the rapist to death will not help the victim to recover completely. Social support to help the victim transform his/her life from within. Unfortunately, successful stories are less than failing ones and the media focuses on the failing experiences because it attracts the attention of the media. I also refer to you to my comment #33 below. You are not disturbing the discussions my friend and you are stirring its "pot" with worthy issues. I focuses in the buzz on the role of society and its capacity to help the victims transform their lives.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#35
Thank you dear Cyndi wilkins #34 are worthy a buzz to respond to them.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#34
Agreed.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#33
Dear Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador- there is cause and there is effect. What causes the rapist to commit his evil deed? Is it retaliation from a past experience Is is because of family bringing up" Is it because lack of financial resources? Is it revenge from society? Is it genetic? Is it because of tight religious family treatment? The same extends to society. What emotional capacity the society has? what is the resilience capital emotional capacity? I recall a story of a kid at elementary school. He lost his control and urinated in public. SO much fun was made of him because farting in public wasn't welcome. The student left school and later became almost a criminal. Only last week in Egypt a female university student in end of year exams asked the controller to visit the toilet. The controller, who is a lecturer at the university, didn't permit her only to pas water in public. She was embarrassed and left the exam. Immediately, social support by students and local society made her case a public issue. The dean of the university met the student and apologized for her. If there is a cause then we play understand the causes so that we may change the effect.

David Navarro LΓ³pez

David Navarro LΓ³pez

2 years ago #30

#32
#33 I recall a movie, Little Nicky, on which Hitler is in hell, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7itFdNE2Qw is getting daily a pineapple pushed up to his back door. Adolf was insane and had wrong ideas, but he had some beliefs and followed them. A rapist only acts for his own pleasure, so I believe he should get even worse punishment. In my opinion, the victim applying this punishment should be the right thing to do for starters. From this point on, dealing with her pain would be much easier. In the crazy world we live in, rapists, if they get caught, have many ways to scape the fair punishment they should get. Many of them are able much earlier to go back to their "normal" life than victims. Many times they get even more support than the victims. And many victims have to be a witness of it, which adds to the humiliation a sense of guilt. I have heard some crazy judges and advocates saying that if the woman would not be dressing in a sexy way, or staying late at night, or not being clear about not willing to have sex, nothing of this would have happened. And many rapists get out of it unpunished. How do you pretend to heal the pain of a victim, if she sees that? This is the main point I see missing on this post. Eliminating the cause of the pain. It is not only the act, but what it happens after, which can make the victim to take a much longer time to heal. I told you I didn't want to make a comment, but you keep "pulling my tongue". Sorry if it is not appropriate.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #29

I think when it comes 'the rapist' we need to keep in mind the very first line in this buzz... "One of the biggest traumas that lead to chronic pain is rape. Such a disturbing experience may lead to chaotic lives of the victims, or to the transformation of the victims into new beings" That speaks volumes to the case of our preconceived mindsets...We are so outraged for the victim of rape that we lose sight of the possibility of 'victim turned offender' ... In most cases, rape is not a 'one and done' thing...These people tend to be repeat offenders because they too have most likely experienced the same degree of violence.. most likely as children ill-equipped to handle such a devastating trauma. I mentioned this as well in my Apollo 1 buzz recently that these "painful patterns of behavior are usually the transmitted 'habit energy' of pain repeating itself within a familial pattern."

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

I agree with David Navarro L\u00f3pez. My thoughts about rapists would not be politically correct. And the victimized, my heart goes out to them, because it is an invasion of their physical and mental being. I feel it is a societal issue because of the suffering by the victim, which that suffering trickles down to family, relationships, friends, employers, etc. I also agree with Angelina Souren's meaningful comment.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I can imagine what you want to say David, but what about the victimized?

David Navarro LΓ³pez

David Navarro LΓ³pez

2 years ago #26

#20
thank you for the invitation Ali, but when it has to do with rapists, I have only one thought and is not politically correct.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #25

#17
Yes...sorry about that...But I shall let the superb response by Angelina Souren speak to this delicate subject matter...as her thoughts are directly in alignment with my own;-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#27
Get the oxygen Gerald Hecht. Yes, we slip the simple and I do that repeatedly

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#25
Thank you Gerald Hecht for your notification. You could have divided your comment into two or even three parts. This is easier than editing or leaving out important points. I am proceeding to read it mow.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#23
Wii read your comment on Lada's post as I have already commented more than once on this buzz Gerald Hecht

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#21
This is a lovely simile Pascal Derrien will like it as well.

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

2 years ago #20

Pain is like a muscle , it requires release to allow the healing process to kick off and rebuild strength

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

David Navarro L\u00f3pez- your thoughts are welcome my friend

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#18
This is a terrific comment Angelina Souren. You are right "The more you want to get away from it, though, the bigger the grip it has on you.". trying just to get away from it doesn't sway the painful experience; it consolidates the pain. That is why I said it is better to occupy the mind with a greater goal than the pain. This may distract the victimized from focusing on the terrible experience. This is conformity with your writing the need to keep the flow of life and not be paralyzed by the past.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#16
So my reply to your deleted comment dear Cyndi wilkins is hanging in the air. I recall that you invited Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee to comment and that you agreed with my response to you #12

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #16

Oh poo!!! I inadvertently removed my last comment:-( I'm too tired to try to recall it all again right now...but suffice it to say that we are in desperate need of a radical cultural shift in mindset...So radical in fact that it seems 'alien'...which was my reference to Pascal Derrien;-) Javier \ud83d\udc1d C\u00e1mara Rica...Any chance of re-positioning that remove button? I cannot tell you how many times I have mistakenly done that;-) Frustrating when you have spent so much of your time creating valuable content for discussion.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#14
I second your invitation to Pascal Derrien

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #14

Agreed...and you and I both know that it is IMPOSSIBLE TO KILL CONSCIOUSNESS...for that is what we really are;-) Perhaps there is a shift in mindset called for here;-) .If we were to look at from another angle...such as perhaps this child conceived was never meant to live out its life in physicality...Advanced consciousness will often take on brief 'embodiments' such as this to bring profound lessons to the living..(.or am I sounding too 'culturally alien' again Pascal Derrien;-) Attitudes in our current culture are in desperate need of changing...Because we cannot seem to get our sh!#t together, sometimes it takes an act of God...

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#12
This is a great question Cyndi wilkins. SOme religions prohibit abortion because it is considered an act of killing. At the same time, if this illegal child grows the society will point to h/h as such. Socially, coping with such attitudes may kill the grown child because of the lack of social emotional support. Sometimes, our conflicting attitudes make innocent people suffer. It is a complex issue. But it shows how a rape incident grows from small scale to become a social one.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #12

Stories such as this are crucial to shedding light on the breakdown of our socioeconomic consciousness... In the case of the raped woman... Would society passionately support her cause if she had been impregnated by such violence and made the very difficult decision to abort her child? Sorry Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee...I could not help myself;-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Thank you dearest friend Vincenzo De Florio for sharing the buzz. I hope you are doing great

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
Some people are delighted if they cause harm to others. In fact, it is worse. For example, a raper thinks of his few minutes of aggressive enjoyment, but doesn't think of the lasting harm he caused to his victim. Malevolence has intensities that vary, but all show ugliness. Interim delight versus lasting and increasing pain and I wonder if there is a word to describe such behaviors.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

2 years ago #9

Even the word makes me cringe. Pardon me if i broaden the word to "Malevolence". Malevolence comes in many forms and shape. Somehow a person believes that their own needs are before others to the extent they are willing to sacrifice the other. I have my own form of justice standard for folks who have lived a life with such thinking. To your point of the victim of such malevolence. We will all experience some act of malevolence within our lives. Some far greater than others. I don't feel that i can express this challenge much better than Viktor Frankl in his book. In essence, you can take my body, material possessions etc... but you can't take me unless i give that to you. Cyndi wilkins word Mindset is the exploritive path to "Man's Search for Meaning", Viktor Frankl writes about. It describes a mindset that one's ownership of self is much deeper than skin and extrinsic reflections. To the degree that we have pondered this thoughtful book is to the extent we can manage acts of malevolence. Very interesting discussion concerning the ownership and others ability to destroy, "you".

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#7
Thank you dear Cyndi wilkins for sharing your thought. Yes, mindset and readiness capacity to change. I believe the two factors are dependent on each other. Having the right mindset without doing what is needed is like me I have so many ideas, but I don't publish them. I believe this is where people diverge. Maybe women (and you know better) say I have got to change my lifestyle and stop short of doing this. Like a smoker who believing in quitting smoking, but lacks the will to do it. Maybe the same situation with victimized women or, in fact, whatever the source of pain is, either they don't want to change their painful experiences into services that could improve the lives of others, or they have the mindset to do it, but don't act on it. Hence, I state in the buzz that these women must have a grand and delightful goal so as to change their minds and do what is necessary.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #7

Very powerful questions is this buzz Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee... "Why the same experience take us to diverse trajectories?" Answer: MINDSET... and of course 'readiness'... We must consider the fact that children are not mentally equipped to handle such trauma .so they compartmentalize it. That is why crimes against children are particularly hideous...but I shall stick to the story of the woman in your post...Not that her experience was any less disturbing, however she was better equipped to handle her trauma more effectively. It begs the question...Now that pain has found us what do we do with it?? The woman victimized by rape used the energy of her anger intelligently...by embracing it to motivate her compassion for assisting others who have suffered similar circumstances...Much like the work Joyce is doing today. Listening with compassion is the energy of intelligence, whereas acting in judgement is the passive-aggressive energy of ignorance. Ignorant people do most of the talking while compassionate people LISTEN. When we understand the sufferings of others by educating ourselves of the nature of their circumstances, we are better equipped to NEGOTIATE effective solutions.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#5
Thank you @John Rylance for bringing up this issue. Like roots of weed plants we think we got rid of them, but soon they reappear. The weeds of bad memories do the same. They even may grow stronger. Can we leave them since they will just reappear? The answer is no. There is an equation that says delight over pain and the higher this ratio is the better we are. I discussed this in my presentation "The King and I" https://www.slideshare.net/hudali15/the-king-and-i De need to generate delight from painful experiences. We don't get anything for nothing. Either we become successive to the pain with its terrible consequences or we transform it into something delightful. Maybe the way we transform plant seeds we can extend to transforming pain seeds.

John Rylance

John Rylance

2 years ago #5

Following on from your removing hurting memory stains, like many cancers the pain of rape can really with treatment go into a form of remission, resurfacing when faced with an unexpected "trigger". Like a computer even if you press the metaphoric delete key someone or something can find the memory stain either intentionally or unintentionally and the pain resurfaces.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
Dear Debasish Majumder- I gave rape as an example of terrible pain for the victims. It is a sad story because one statistics that I have is that reported that one female student out of five at least in some countries are exposed to this terrible experience. .Alarmed by such figures, I wished to contribute this buzz hoping that if it would assist one woman that would be rewarding to me. You extend this issue to why such cases are widespread and why men behave this way. These are questions that need researching into. Maybe the revenge from a harsh mom was one of them. Maybe that a man got rejected by women and he decided to revenge from all women. Maybe the availability of porn sites have encouraged them to do so. Maybe addiction to drugs drive the predators to behave irrationally. As you see there are many more possibilities. This is a topic that merits further study. I thank you for bringing this issue and for sharing the buzz.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

2 years ago #3

i came across about the recurrent cases of rape and why it is occurring almost regularly across the world and being addressed with due gravity apart from "Me Too" campaign. i am not undermining the endeavors of the victims, but why this heinous acts percolate the social fabric from top to bottom and how it should be dealt with, is a conundrum to me. i guess, pervasiveness of women fraternity in every walks of life may engender the patriarchy form of social order, resulting the men to express their grudge in the wildest form and becoming belligerent towards women has became a fashion in this modern world where technology too along with expansion of market working as a catalyst for such nefarious acts. the internal ingredients lying within men may manifest moment they feel vulnerable in terms of expressing hegemony in wealth, property and profits. on contrary, perhaps resilience of men fraternity too exposed by resorting to such crime in order to retain their power in the society they are dwelling. however, emotion and demotion, as well devotion in emotion too are being crafted in human society in such a way so that the adversity of emotion become often evident and causing detriment to our eco-system. lovely insight sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz sir.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

This is Part 2 of my previous buzz "Removing Hurting Memory Stains" https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/removing-hurting-memory-stains

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Cyndi wilkins- you are mentioned in this buzz. Lisa Vanderburg- your experiences are needed here.

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