Expectations Have Stories to Tell

Expectations Have Stories to Tell

The story began when my friend got "A" grades in all his intermediate exams. On completing his final exams he visited me and had this scenario of "chain surprises". I did better in my final exams than before. You know, I am entitled not only to admittance in the University of Fame, but also to generous discounts on my fees. That is great- as I have no reason not to go earlier there so that I may rent a cheap flat. You know again that prior to admittance many flats shall be empty and so I may rent one at liberty and cheaper than later times. I am settling there to get used to the new city. Meanwhile I plan to buy a mini car because of my savings on fees and rent.

He did. Things went rosy for my friend, except that he got only C+ average in the final exams. All his dreams were shattered. No admittance to the university, wasted flat rent, need to move again to another city and shattered expectations.

I remembered this story (which is almost real and as it happened) because we live in the age of unmet expectations. The story of my friend tells me that we may expand linearly on our expectations, the reality is far different. It could be spaghetti-like. Small changes in our expectations could lead to quite different realities.

Unmet expectations may lead us to different courses. I just tried to make a rough diagram of the repercussions of unmet surprises. We plan, but surprises wait for us. Exploding surprises result when we have high expectations and almost none turns to reality.

Expectations Have Stories to Tell

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The complexity of human behavior may result in a drop of water (a tear) ending in a flood of negative emotions. Unmet surprises make us feel sad. The greater the disparity between expectations and reality, the greater sadness is. Out of sadness could come our better understanding of ourselves. It is the star in the midnight of sadness. Or, it could lead us to blaming self, others or both. If angry with self it could escalate into depression and if with others then anger and willingness to revenge could be few of the undesirable results.

We need to tame surprises because reality could be far different. You may play down your expectations, but the reality is far beyond our taming. We expect so many things in our lives. Few examples are: sales volume and revenues, friends to help, viewership of posts to reach certain numbers, and just many more. I only hope that if you receive a lovely package as a gift from a dear friend and open it that you shall not be disappointed with the content of the package. When we have expectations, surprises are there.


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Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#48
#51 You are taking the discussions to new heights dears Sara Jacobovici to the extent that I am considering publishing Part 2 of this buzz. I loved the ideas of giving expectations a meaning and I fully agree with Sara and her explanations.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #35

#48
I wanted to address this separately. "...expectations moved from a process of cause and effect predictability to a belief system" This is a profound statement. We have lost our way in the fact that our value system is slowly being replaced by a system of expectations both met and unmet. All goals that start out successfully are developed within a value set that is empowering a win-win outcome. If expectations cause us to lose this "meaning" and slowly replaces the values along the way.......then we are now operating within a storm of changing viewpoints across the team. This is a point to ponder.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #34

#48
I belive yiou summed up what the discussion is. But i was signaling that the goal should be our focus.. Certainly expectations are a part of the process, but we should "imagine" that between the start and goal success that expectations will be met and redirect the process. We have all heard the term, "Well i thought.....". Usually this surrounds a team members understanding and expectation. Its when they cant get focused on the goal that we begin to experience the defense. So unmet expectations begin to manifest.

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

4 years ago #33

Gentlemen, Ali Anani, I don't know when or how it happened but expectations moved from a process of cause and effect predictability to a belief system. One word that I haven't seen mentioned (unless I missed it) is meaning; what meaning we attach to an expectation, its "belief" and will influence how we then manifest its outcome. The fact that emotions are so strongly attached reflect how individual each attachment is to that particular expectation. It would be interesting to look at patterns created by expectations. In relation to the quote that Dr. Ali brought to my attention, "we have control over our expectations, but when they are unmet then it's someone else's fault". My gut reaction is that we set ourselves up to think we're in control of the expectation and then when it is not met, we can not blame ourselves and so transfer the responsibility somewhere else. The paradox may be in the individual assuming he is in control of determining something which in reality is not in hs control. As always, gentlemen, thank you for the opportunity to engage in such a dynamic discussion.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#46
Great thoughts again Harvey Lloyd. I enjoyed reading your alert "A fail in expectations is merely a challenge within the journey. But when expectations are the goal, the challenge is now life or death".Very true and we turn expectations into a trap because we make them the goal instead of a challenge in our journey. When we treat them as challenges we learn and evolve, but when we turn expectations into goals we poison the journey and ourselves. "Unmet emotional needs will always manifest themselves in other ways"- this is a powerful quote. I wouldn't argue about its legitimacy for a second.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #31

#45
"Unmet emotional needs will always manifest themselves in other ways" Roger Dawson. Your comment and this post describe this concept. This quote was discussing that within the paradigm of win-win we avoid this outcome. The opposite being when we practice win-lose we can expect the looser later on to take advantage of the same game play, with you. My world view is we have developed a cycle of win-lose. Leadership is establishing expectations based on poor performance of the culture, while culture is blaming the leadership for their unmet expectations. How do you break this cycle? How do you eat an elephant, one bite at the time. One of our start-ups was a counseling business that we spawned through our education group. The gentlemen we choose to start up with was actaully very amazing. He made a very tangible statement. "I only have too change one person within the family unit and the rest will follow." My initial response to this was poppycock. However i watched this practitioner train staff and support families with this methodology and change did happen. Some incrementally and some drastically. Lead from where you are. You can engage in change today in your office and start a trend in your very local department. Expectations blind us to reality. Goals that we shoot for are a better way to approach success. Goals allow us to set expectations and navigate towards the goal. A fail in expectations is merely a challenge within the journey. But when expectations are the goal, the challenge is now life or death. If i could metaphorically hang the hat of entitlement on a hook, i would label it expectations. Because i was top of class, got an A or many people told me how great i am, my expectation is set, or is it? The goal should set the expectation for the short term, the goal will change the expectation as we meet the challenges of the journey.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#44
I shall edit and change in accordance with your suggestion Harvey Lloyd "I believe your diagram may need to exchange the word sadness for expectations as the leading cause of sadness"". Your comment brings so many ideas to my mind. The paradox of what you wrote "we have control over our expectations, but when they are unmet then its someone else's fault". I love this thought even if it reflects sand situations. I tag Sara Jacobovici for this extremely important observation. I think you shall love it, too. I also greatly appreciate your reference to the role of media. May be an off-shoot idea is soccer matches. You read the expectations of results and that the strong team is expected to beat the opponent by a score of 5 to 0. The result may be the underdog beats the "inflated" strong team. Expectations have a hidden evil- they inflate the strong to look down at the opponents and only to lose. We have witnessed the same in business where a strong company ignores a weak opponent- till the expectations fall on their faces.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

4 years ago #29

I believe your diagram may need to exchange the word sadness for expectations as the leading cause of sadness. Expectations or reliance on others performance has become the leading cause for depression in our country. You tap into the social media aspects of this when you say,"...viewership of posts to reach certain numbers...". One of my partners quoted from a book, cant remember the name, but the quote stuck with me. " Each morning we arise and paint a picture in our minds. We spend the rest of the day forcing our environment to fit the picture." I always follow the quote with what happens when everyone shows up with a picture? The irony of this discussion is that we have control over our expectations, but when they are unmet then its someone else's fault. When we look at Maslow's hierarchy "Safety" is where expectations are born, can we never question this ourselves, internally? Many folks confuse effort within expectations. If i do everything right then my expectations will be met. From my purview of age i have found hard work although cathartic and part of meeting expectations, there is no guarantee. I can work hard shoveling a hole in the ground, spend hours and meeting expectation, a backhoe can show up and in ten minutes do what it took me hours. Is my work any less or more important now? The answer is all predicated on what my expectations were in the beginning. Media sets expectations high. Until an individual becomes self-actualizing enough to recognize that they are allowing the environment to dictate expectations and they CAN change the expectation..........buy anti-depressant pharma stocks. Your diagram explains the issues well, Ali Anani.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#42
Like your star example, you guided me with this very thoughtful comment dear David Navarro L\u00f3pez. Your comment is rich in its wisdom: "When I set them, both need to be achievable, being the short run ones much easier to be achieved. This way, by having success with the later, it encourages me to go on" "Above all, expectations should not be intended to be a goal, but a path in our life. To accomplish an expectation should not be the end of the path: should be the beginning of it" Great ideas and I truly love them.

David Navarro Lรณpez

David Navarro Lรณpez

4 years ago #27

Expectations is a wide matter to work on, and a milestone to achieve happiness, at least in western countries. Oriental mindset tries to discard expectations, considering it a kind of pride which needs to be put away to avoid frustration or sadness as you mention. In my personal life, I try to set two kinds of expectations: long run and short run expectations, in a way that the short run ones would lead me (but not exclusively) to the long-run ones. When I set them, both need to be achievable, being the short run ones much easier to be achieved. This way, by having success with the later, it encourages me to go on. This "strategy of life" has given me more happiness than sadness, as when I don't get what I expected, I don't allow sadness to empower the situation, by taking two actions: one, learn what it went wrong, and try again harder, and two, to be open minded about discovering new targets to be achieved which get inevitability unrevealed after a failure. Above all, expectations should not be intended to be a goal, but a path in our life. To accomplish an expectation should not be the end of the path: should be the beginning of it. As the northern star, nobody thinks about reaching it, but using it as a guide.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I wish you a Happy Year 2017 dear Aurorasa Sima. I am grateful to your sharing of this buzz.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Thanks dear Donna-Luisa Eversley for your sharing my buzz. It is lovely to see the new fruits from the old roots of a buzz.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #24

Awe, thanks Ali Anani

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Dears Anees Zaidi- we the triad form a golden triangle and I am not surprised if I write something you have already thought about it. Thank you for your kind words and appreciation

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#36
I wonder who is the poet you or I Lisa Gallagher! Your comment touched my heart with its music and logic

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #21

"Seeing 'the star in the midnight of sadness" Very poetic and if we are able to see this star, we are better off for it in the long term. One must reach deep within and be open to finding the star first. I agree, focusing on something beautiful or good in the midst of sadness.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #20

#26
My son visited Istanbul in 2005 Ali Anani. He found the culture extremely interesting, said the people were extremely nice and I saw the photo's, just beautiful! People sadly, make judgements about others and their countries based on what they see on the news because the news only posts negative issues. They never focus on the many positive attributes of other countries, the people etc... I would suggest to anyone who is unable to travel- watch documentaries which showcase other countries in a fair and wonderful way. There are pro's/con's to all countries.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#32
Thank you dear Anees Zaidi used the quotation mark in his comment. The Arab poet says those who enjoy beauty and carry it around are on equal footage to those who created the beauty.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#29
I wish readers of your comment would express their appreciation of your comment. It is the hope that the sun shall rise again and if we don't see the star of hope during the dark hours of midnight then we see the greater sunlight.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I am glad Anees Zaidi. Next time you visit Turkey let me know as I could join you there. I have been to Turkey more than twenty times besides living there for a year. Lovely country and my daughter Sara speaks Turkish (thanks to TV series)

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#24
Yusuf Yusuf Tokdemir exchange comments.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Your comment is a beautiful surprise for an old man Deb Lange

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#17
Thank you Lisa and I appreciate your reposting. Do you refer to your previous comment on this post? If yes, then I have already responded. If not, then I have to check.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#16
Let me share a personal story with you my dear friend Anees Zaidi in appreciation of your sweet comment. My youngest daughter Sara was born late after years of not adding a member o the family. She shares my birthday. I got to love her so much that she performed below my expectations sometimes. But I know of her abilities. One day I told her "I expect one thing from you: to try your best. I don't expect As in the exams,. In fact, I couldn't care less. I only find it shameful if people don't use their strengths to advance. We try, but unexpected events might fail us". Since then, Sara scored As in her exams. I praise her only for trying her best, but not for getting As. When we stress people with certain goals sometimes these people perform poorly. Expectations may have serious drawbacks.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #12

#14
Thanks Ali Anani, did you see my comment? I reposted your article too ;)) We must have had similar thoughts tonight!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#13
Dear Anees Zaidi- an opportunity to meet people's trust as much as I may. I try not to over-emphasize meeting expectations because this would fire back in diminishing "returns". I try to do my best, act, learn, develop and retest. It is a continuous loop my friend.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#12
With all honesty I wished that Lisa Gallagher would comment on this particular buzz having read her buzz "Algonquin Provincial Park, The Accident, Resilience and Divine Intervention?" I learnt a lot from your post Lisa and has already commented on. The linkage here to your buzz is the great examples of expecting the unexpected that your post is filled with. I feel that readers of this post should read that of Lisa's as well.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

5 years ago #9

Great story with lessons Ali Anani! Preconceived realities are almost always a let down, as are expectations of others and life in general. There is nothing wrong with chasing a dteam but we must be prepared for the unexpected without a great deal of let down because thats when people give up or become disenfranchised - not a good recipe for future goals and adventures.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#10
This is a challenge that you face right now Anees Zaidi. Your buzzes and comments stand high. People read your contributions because they have expectations of their values. You care to keep up with those high expectations? I try myself, knowing that if I fail then there is a lesson for me to learn and improve.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#8
You do raise a "wall of challenge" debasish majumder. I wrote two stories in Arabic. One on the Pyramid of Love and the second on Breath Prints. I had no attempt to write poetry, though I enjoy it immensely. May be soon I publish a story with new detours based on my story Pyramids of Love. OK- I expect some laughs, but that is OK. At least, I shall know that I am not as good as you are dear Debasish. I shall take your challenge, but with frozen expectations.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#6
Yes, you are correct Gert Scholtz serves as an example of your idea that reality exceeds expectations sometimes. The challenge then becomes how to meet the reality of the new expectations?

Gert Scholtz

Gert Scholtz

5 years ago #5

Ali Anani. Such a well written post as you always do. I think one could consider it the other way around too: sometimes reality exceeds what we expected and it turns out to be a welcome and pleasant surprise.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#4
May be this buzz is the right example for "Ideas Metamorphosis" hive. Your comment dearAnees Zaidi are the perfect example of what I mean. You exceeded my "expectations" in a very positive way

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

5 years ago #3

#2
Wishing you continued success in all your endeavors Ali Anani!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Thank you Sara Jacobovici. I am writing several e-learning courses for a client. This is my first attempt to write interactive e-learning courses. Each lesson must have certain authentic components such as video lesson or exercise, animations, simulations and others. I submitted the first two-hours lesson with low expectations as this is my first attempt. Yesterday, the producing firm told me that they accepted the material with almost no change. I felt the stress to meet the new expectations of the producer. What happens if the second lesson is of less acceptance? This prompted me to write the buzz. Your commented made me wish to share my own personal story. Your comment made a small drop of joy flood me with gratitude for you.

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

5 years ago #1

I opened up your Buzz Ali Anani and a very grateful with your gift. It is beyond my expectations. In a very "user friendly" way and also a poetic way, "The complexity of human behavior may result in a drop of water (a tear) ending in a flood of negative emotions.", you give us a snapshot into the process of "unmet expectations". I would just find a way of incorporating into the process components related to control and meanings of success and failure. Thanks again for another thoughtful and insightful work.

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