Feeling the Endurance of Others

Feeling the Endurance of Others

We exchange comments on beBee like nowhere else. We build relations. We admire some buzzes and author bees. We think we know them. We feel strongly attached to them. We see the β€œiceberg” of their lives and that is less than 10% of what is hidden below the surface.

I have had an enormous amount of exchange of comments with the Lisa Vanderburg. I thought I β€œknew” her well till I ran across a recent interview with her. The interview is available in voice recording and in text. I decided to read the text first and I couldn’t believe how much pain Lisa has been enduring for years. I felt I hardly knew Lisa. While listening later to her interview I was chocked because I expected this lady to tremble while talking about her difficult life with a husband that fell sick for long times and yet she was as stable as the pyramids of Egypt.

I shall give evey quotes of her masterful and shockingly saddening interview. Lisa proved to me she is a great example of antifragility. She came out stronger surmounting the difficulties of life with such confidence and patience. I sometimes feel mountains could not endure what she endured.

Below are few of quotes of the interview:

β€œAs I like to say in presentations: β€˜Pete’s primary disease is unbridled optimism. Served him well in our 35 years of very high-risk business, I expect. Drove me batty…rose-tinted glasses do not pick out the proverbial comin’ your way!”

"the Pete we knew was slowly dissolving as he tried to re-define himself time & time again". And,
"for me to watch them as Pete aged to an old man in front of our eyes broke my heart…all the playful interactions he’d always had with me and especially his sons, had long stopped"

The interview is available here:

Casualties of Parkinson’s: Interview with LisaΒ Vanderburg


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Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #62

#75
I just couldn't agree more Jerry Fletcher. Even my hubby agrees with that, God love him. We are born to empathise; we do it with our children all the time. We can sometimes lose a little with age or tolerance, but it's a vital ingredient in dignity and love. - thanks Jerry!

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

2 years ago #61

#74
Sometimes having to stand by cursing the descending night appears to be harder.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #60

#72
Thanks for the heads-up Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee...my computer is in its death throws, so lots is going wrong! Jerry Fletcher; it is a horrible vigil to keep, so I feel you. My admiration goes to Pete, who deserves it more than I.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#72
Thank you Jerry and I am sure Lisa Vanderburg is thankful too.

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

2 years ago #58

Dr Ali, Thank you for your humanity. A friend has Parkinson's and I have endured his drift into senesce. I have nothing but admiration for Lisa.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#63
We are the grateful ones to you my dear friend Lisa Vanderburg for making it possible to write this buzz and share your experience. It is such a touching one

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#66
Whenever you don't comment on a buzz dear Tausif Mundrawala I feel some emptiness. You are most welcome to comment at any time.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #55

#65
ALWAYS got your back my friend! DM me anytime Tausif Mundrawala :)

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #54

#64
Oh My Soul - how wonderful to see you, fabulous - I LOVE the new pic! Thank you so much for your deeply genuine empathy towards both me AND Pete; I will make sure he sees this too! Funny, t'was just chatting with a lady with Parkinson's - her husband is in denial which is just heart-breaking. I know he'll come 'round...just can't imagine how anyone goes through this alone?? Horrifying. Enough; oh you brig my heart such joy, sweetheart!

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

2 years ago #53

#36
Lisa Vanderburg A big hug to you. You show us what it means to live and to have lived well. A unique angel to Pete. Behind every strong woman (like your amazing self) is battle she silently fights. It's not a battle for victories or treasures of the world but a battle to be herself unique self! To shine as we shed our light on others to shine, and be a teacher of love, goodness, and hope:) You are a beautiful soul inside out and I love you for that. PS - I can see the smile that knocked Pete off his feet :)

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #52

#62
As a self-confessed complicated messer of all things simple, Edward Lewellen, I just want to say to everyone who commented: Thank you all for the empathy you’ve shown me here. However, Id like to change the direction to focus on Pete, as this is about him. Let me give you an example of what I mean; He's sitting peacefully at his desk now after a couple of needed naps and doing a bit better today! His calm is my calm, so all your positive energy has rolled over to him - I'm truly grateful; most especially to Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #51

#57
Please include me in your tagging as well! I am late - soooo late!! Thank you, for Pete's sake, my dear friend Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #50

#54
Beloved son Tausif Mundrawala, your love for your mother is awesome to behold - the sheer JOY that brought me to see it was the same vessel that carried any comfort back to you when we spoke of her. So it is I who thanks you, my friend!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #49

#50
No fair Edward Lewellen....you're SANE! :) I never even knew I had a Core Identity...somebody took it.#51 And there's that 'perspective' again; the vantage point from which one views 'truths'. You are brilliant, dear Edward! I deeply appreciate your thoughts. I would love to be tagged if you buzz about finding one's Core Identity! I know you have published several books and had many presentations about this, but how does one FIND theirs?

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#55
Great comment dear Nandita De. I love your comment for it shows how to lead style life that is free of fear and anxiety. I have just finished drafting a new buzz on same topic, but approaching it from a new perspective. I do care to read a comment from you. I plan to publish tomorrow. You know what you are talking about.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#54
Your comment is heart-touching dear Tausif Mundrawala shall enjoy reading it. I am publishing a buzz tomorrow and I wish to solicit your feedback on it. I know your comment shall be outstanding.

Lada 🏑 Prkic

Lada 🏑 Prkic

2 years ago #46

#49
Dear Lisa, a good friend of mine once said to me, I am an empathetic and compassionate person myself, just not in a public forum. I agree with him because when I experienced loss, I didn't need the eloquent words of comfort, I just needed someone to listen to me. And I am blessed to have such friends in my life. Thanks for the comment about my massive heart for others. :-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#51
Fully agree dear Edward Lewellen.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #44

#41
Dear friend, you could not have developed such a massive heart for others without the pain and enduring your suffering put you through. You could have bcome hardened, but you CHOSE a different path. That becomes a platform for us all - in reconnection. We all need to vent - so if ths becomes the platform, I am sooooo grateful!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #43

#40
Amen...and thank you sister!

Bill Stankiewicz, 🐝 Brand Ambassador

I agree with Cyndi wilkins here, "Caregiving is an exhausting job when it is in your face 24/7 with nothing but a slow, excruciating decline in your future. ", having gone through that with parents in Chicago. Well now I am seeing my little dog go blind, deaf & her life is passing soon. Animals become part of our families & its hard to see them go down hill. But I will say to all to be Positive & cherish life as best as you can, be kind, help someone & think of your self like a bottle of wine that improves with age. PS, remember if you are like honey it never spoils, can even be found sweet after thousands of years from vases found in tombs.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #41

#38
Totally Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. No matter what we perceive (with the deepest respect Edward), there are unfathomable pits that I can only dare to imagine! Even though I can fully relate to the abhorrent behaviour of yo...can I even SAY this?? OK, sorry Edward Lewellen - you were courageous enough, so I should show you the same back no? Your mother's lack of...whatever; courage, love, endurance..? That is beyond appalling to watch - unable to interfere. I simply cannot ask the question I want to ask without you permission; I'll DM you. I am so far from angel - I am broken and capable of breaking wings. My poor dude has endured enough from me to WANNA give it all up I expect!

Lada 🏑 Prkic

Lada 🏑 Prkic

2 years ago #40

#41
I am sorry to hear about your brother. I also experienced severe illness and death in my family, and have been caring for my father until the end. We are all different in dealing with pain. Even in the most difficult moments, I never felt the need to write to relieve the pain. I have a small circle of close friends and my family to unload painful feelings. It is invaluable to me and also works reciprocally.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #39

Oh, Gert Scholtz...All this is going to my head! Forgot to acknowledge EXACTLY what you wrote...duh! I especially thank you for including this particular quote because of its importance; 'dying should be as equally revered as life'. Amen brother. Without life, death has no meaning whatsoever. Suck it up, vampires.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #38

#37
My dear Edward Lewellen, Lord Almighty...YOU I know have suffered the unimaginable. It does not detract from the grinding insufferability of what you have so boldly shared today, but I I am humbled and thankful nonetheless. I can [only] just about imagine what that must feel like; the fate of your parents - one seemingly indifferent to the other's suffering, and the awful price paid; not to the other, much deeper wounding. That said, I am joyful that you shared a part of your journey! I think we need to get back to basic humanitarianism; we suffer, we die; we live. At the same time, we don't choose our paths; they are just...there. Maybe that's a blessing? Maybe only in hindsight? Could you, in hindsight, do what you have done today without having gone the path before you? Are we 'etched' by what happens? Thanks, my friend - Ali I KNOW will be there saying...this is cool!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #37

#34
I see and acknowledge your (unsurprising yet awesome) generosity, delicious Gent Gert Scholtz, and not for the first time either!! I'm just doin' my thang......that said, Pete's doing his own thing too, which is mainly trying to escape my clutches :) CAVEAT: Pete knows E V E R Y T H I N G. He laughs at my headless chicken thing. Thanks again....Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee...ok, I'll shut-up now......

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#40
I highly commend your comment dear Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic offloaded a heavy burden.

Lada 🏑 Prkic

Lada 🏑 Prkic

2 years ago #35

For me, it's always hard to comment on such topics to not sound like false compassion. I agree with you, dear Ali, that we actually don't know much about people with whom we interact daily and about their life's struggles. Many such stories remained untold because many people are not able to open up about something that is so personal as their spouse's illness. Contrary to that, Lisa told her story in order to help those who are facing the same situation and became an activist for all things Parkinson’s. I agree with the editor of the interview that reading about Parkinson disease at an advanced stage is not for everybody. But I read every word of it. We never know what suffering and pain life will bring us, but we can listen to Lisa's advice, "It’s okay to raise a fist to the sky now and then, okay to cry – get it out and be done with it. There’s something to be said about just being still … accepting one’s lot with grace." Dear Lisa, wishing you all the strength to keep the sanity of mind in this "mΓ©nage-Γ -trois" marriage.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

2 years ago #34

#37
"But I have this against you, that you have left your first love." You know from where this comes. Two great stories on opposite sides of this challenging verse. I am humbled by its challenge as it's so easy to get caught up in works that don't expose the humility of our service. My heart was saddened as i read the story. I can only imagine finding some peace within that narrative was elusive.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#37
Oh dear friend Edward Lewellen- I am speechless as your story touches my heart and nerves. Amazing how people respond to same issue. Our values in life can be amazingly contradictory. The values for thh overrode the value of looking after a husband. We try to find justifications. In your fathers' case what was the justification? A man with Alzheimer flirting!!! WE make excuses if we don't find them. Since Lisa Vanderburg and myself have been discussing values and what they mean I am sure they have their thoughts on your great comment.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #32

#32
The dragonfly signifies emotional maturity, resilience and a deeper understanding of the changing nature of life...You are the human embodiment of the dragonfly spirit Lisa Vanderburg;-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#34
Thank you Gert Scholtz is very well thought of.

Gert Scholtz

Gert Scholtz

2 years ago #30

Lisa Vanderburg for sharing this valuable post.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #29

#28
Thank you CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit for avoiding sentimentality so adroitly - it's truly refreshing and welcomed! So very many people walk this path, dragging their charge behind them :) 'The temptation is to put the chronic individual into care and walk away, but that is why emotion trumps logic.' This is it - the whole raison d'etre; emotion trumps logic! As I happen to be faily high on the crazy-scale, the shoe fits....honestly hadn't thought of that so I'll hold on to it as my mantra. Manjit, you are brilliant! Thanks again (I know...your thinking I'm overdoing it) dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. But it's so personal, I wouldn't have had the stones to share on beBee; where my 'family' is.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #28

#30
hahaha...got me pegged, Cyndi wilkins ! And there I was, thinking myself a magnificent fire-breathing dragon...'til I heard the audio...dragon-fly it is :) I hear you; the suffering you have endured - all in the name of love. Our last breath will come with some relief (Pete damn well better go first or he'll wreck my M.O. cuz I'm not letting him outta my sight, poor dude), but we have a-ways to go yet, yippee..... Thanks, lovely Cyndi!

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#30
Great examples are worthy of sharing Cyndi wilkins add beautiful values to our lives.

Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

2 years ago #26

Thank you for the tag CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit is... "This is my life as much as Pete’s – this….suffering. We didn’t choose it, but I long ago, at the beginning of this journey made a decision. I chose to love; love is a choice, not a β€˜feeling’." Caregiving is an exhausting job when it is in your face 24/7 with nothing but a slow, excruciating decline in your future. My mother suffered severe debilitating MS for over 30 years and it took it's toll on the entire family before she finally passed in 2003. These two folks (Lisa and Pete) handle their situation with humor, humility and grace as a means of surviving such emotional/physical turmoil. And they have sacrificed so much in the process.The message they bring is honor, respect and love...for themselves and others...who they know are trying their best to help ease the suffering. They do not take one moment of their lives together for granted...They live each day as if it were their last...There is something for all of us to learn from their story...So thank you to Lisa and Pete for sharing your life story with us...and also to you Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, for shinning a light on one of our brightest bees...Even if she is 'A Dragonfly;-)

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

2 years ago #25

There are very cruel ailments like parkinsons, alzheimers and multiple sclerosis which as they get extreme are torturous to the caregiver who does not leave the side of their loved one. The temptation is to put the chronic individual into care and walk away, but that is why emotion trumps logic. There is no point in having logical or grand discussions about empathy and caring, unless we understand what caregivers sacrifice and then appreciate the kind of love that keeps these people smack bang in the middle of acute suffering. The unsung heroes in this world are the caregivers because how many people with their backs to the wall, are fortunate to have someone looking out for them and yet even though we don't see these stories on social media, people like Lisa Vanderburg represent the visible proof that a tremendous amount of caregiving is in play, more than we can possibly know. it is only in listening and observing the life of people like Lisa, that we become cognizant and appreciative that such people exist in the world. Here I will also give a shoutout to Cyndi wilkins because her work involves easing the lives of others. With Lisa it is not that she is courageous that wows me, it is that she is infinitely human - and I can't express a better version of humanity than what I see being expressed in her life path.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #24

#26
Thank you so much, Roberto! I certainly sacrificed nothing in comparison to what I would have done! Anyhoo....I am quite mad :)

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #23

#24
You are too kind Debasish Majumder. You bring a gentility that is rare, a love that puts others first AND, you bring us joy! 'Do I think I deserve less?' Wow.......now that IS a hugely intuitive question. Intriguing....you deserve an answer to this delicious, and courageous ask! I guess the answer's yes. Now the why: I guess I'd like to blame the 'Parkinson's' my hubby has; I can't do that in honestly...as I was pretty messy to begin with, dear Debasish. Let's turn this around a moment: You tread lightly, you produce top-quality work freely from your heart and mind. That's ALL I know of you. You could be in worst straits than I....how would I know what you have sacrificed? And...I adore you, my frined! DM me anytime!

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

2 years ago #22

#7
but madam Lisa Vanderburg for a fairly long time i am conversant with your exclusively rich comments and share along with your enriching posts, do you think you deserve less? i have mighty regard for your engagement which inspire a lot to produce buzzes. thank your very much madam for your untiring support, despite having plenty of impediments. you are axiom to follow for many madam.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #21

#19
Randall Burns....thank you most sincerely for watching our particular car-crash :) You're right; 'tip of the iceberg' is a perfect analogy....one of you guys should buzz about it! I cannot hear Ali's mind - very well lubed - but I can imagine the cogs turning, the plucking of ideas as the wheel spins. He's a graceful thinker, as are you, 'Dall-Dude!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #20

#18
Apologies darlin' Harvey Lloyd posting this. Too much grace!! Yes, you would find the strength Harvey; you me, you know from whence you came :) But I truly appreciate your words, for I know they ARE your heart. It's really about Pete's courage, our sons courage - my strength comes from knowing they will not walk away. And...awful though it is, there's much much worse. I couldn't do God's job (for the uninitiated, no - He didn't make this happen IMHO so I can't blame him!); how crushed all hope would be if we 'knew' our own journey? Even if it was indirect, how could we live with the knowledge of what will happen to our beloveds and friends? The greatest gift sometimes in life is to know it will end. Until then...I got work to do! Thanks so much my friend, Harvey!

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#18
Honestly, your comment is so touchy and relevant that I am to mesmerized to write. Thank you Harvey Lloyd will respond graciously.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#19
I couldn't agree more Randall Burns who shared her story and encouraged others to do so.

Randall Burns

Randall Burns

2 years ago #17

Great dedication Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee's grace and endurance

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

2 years ago #16

I felt i was poor as walked and my feet hurt from having no shoes, then i met a man with no feet. Lisa Vanderburg is the challenge that grace presents as we end our things that we dont understand. More importantly she offers hope to those who are about to walk into the chaos of life’s challenges. Can i find the strength or courage to face the unknown. Lisa shines a bright light on these and many other questions. Thanks Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee for taking the time and courage to express such a story that makes us all brave.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #15

#12
#15 Sometimes grace can come in the form of a prat-fall. I'll give 'Definition of grace' to my men; hubby & boys. I'll take my usual route: banan-skin, slide, fall, get up and trip over my un-done shoelace :) Thanks though for staying the course, Bill King!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #14

#13
I am touched Nandita, as our dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee so graciously shared our story, and now just some of yours too. It is so very hard for you - the children who have to bear witness, but it does teach a valuable lesson: That we really do not have control in our lives. For me, I finally found this a comfort of sorts. Bless you, lovely Lady - so sorry to remind you of your sadness.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#12
"Definition of Grace"- this is a great summary of the interview Bill King I couldn't say it better.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#13
I am sorry if I evoked bad memories Nandita De will be touched by your comment.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #11

#10
.....he may not quite agree....like he has a choice :)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
That is precisely why Pete has been endowed with such a miraculous wife.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #9

#8
It's poor Pete...has a dragon on his back AND a beastie on his shoulder! No worries - he consents to all and complains a lot less than I do!

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#6
Your generosity in sharing your experience with the world and particularly those who are in need of it is overwhelming dear Lisa Vanderburg. I hope the comments will reflect more the value of this sharing and that is the reward I hope for. Stay blessed.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #7

#2
I'm touched Debasish Majumder; both a little 'touched' as insane, but truly and deeply touched in my heart for you who brings much color into a drab world at times; that ain't easy. Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, like you, never pulls away. He is a truly selfless man.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

2 years ago #6

#1
I am all here...and ears, dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. I am indebted to you for your compassion in sharing this; a true and stalwart friend you are! Ben Stecher, who interviewed me, is a YOPD (young-onset Parkinson's dude) who's got himself into the doors of the world's top Neuroscience R&D. I bet it'll be someone like him who makes a suggestion to the right guy, at the right time; that's my hope! But I do end the interview (audio anyhoo) on a high: acceptance. This is for all those in my position and our sons, who've seen too much.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#4
Yes, and thank you again dear Debasish Majumder makes quite a lot of funny and smiling comments; yet deep down in her heart she had to endure his obstacles with a brave heart and smile. Her love to her husband gives real meaning to what love is.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

2 years ago #4

yes, i got it sirAli \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee! i mean to say about the 10% of the hidden ice-berg and its potential and unlike ice-berg human can eventually discover the hidden potential, provided they interact seriously to know himself only. majority perhaps absorbed with focusing on others in a different style, ignoring about his own discovery about himself alone, which i guess, can enable to increase ones endurance.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#2
I am not writing about Lisa Vanderburg as a wonderful person as much as I am describing her endurance. Many people think they have problems till they know the problems of others. I appreciate greatly your sharing this buzz and I hope dear Lisa Vanderburg will be satisfied for it is a major challenge to make her over-satisfied.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

2 years ago #2

wonderful buzz sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee is an amazing persona whom i personally wait for to make a comment on my post too, which inspire, stimulate and enrich me. enjoyed your buzz sir and shared. thank you very much for the buzz who too reflect your sharing and caring trait for others, a lovely sense of empathy, which nowadays majority lack.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Lisa Vanderburg- for your kind attention please

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