Issues on Closeness

Issues on Closeness

How close can two friends get to each other? Is it judged by our feelings to a friend? How does closeness figure out in our actions such as touching a friend’s hand rather than nodding a head to salute him?

How close is it advisable to get to your customers?

How close can we bring two ideas together?

Two close words, but with widely differing meaning such as week and weak. Can proximity lead us to assumptions reading the other wrong and understand him less? Can proximity kill? This is what I call β€œconfusing closeness”. Have you been confused by a close friend?

A wife sitting close to her husband, but in reality they are far away.

Does closeness bring the wrong feelings that being close we have the right to ask for more than a partner can chew? Many relations ended up in separation for one of the dark sides of closeness is demanding more.

The easiness of substituting real friends with virtual friends may bring two friends apart. The frequency of contacts gets less and less with real friends and they feel increasingly ignored or discarded. The two friends are no friends anymore.

Two close friends with frequent meetings may start to notice the small bad habits of the other. Small today, but with time they might reach their criticality and explosion occurs. Because of our tendency to ignore small problems, they have the chance to grow, unite, and eventually have enough time to grow. This is the hidden power of being small. It is our interpretation of small things that make them important especially if these small, but nauseating things are repeated frequently.

When two electrons get close to each other they repel each other. When a hedgehog gets close to another hedgehog in winter to warm up they soon realize that their thorny spikes hurt each other. So, they keep a distance enough to get the warmth they need.

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But there are also the two flint stones as they shall ignite if we rub them against each other. It is also the rubbing of the steel bar of a screwdriver that get it magnetized. It is the fusion of two souls and not keeping them as two moieties that make a wife and husband unite as one. It is the heat of discussions and anger that make the magnet lose its magnetism. Heated discussions that charge both partners with a negative charge and therefore become repellent of each other. Small conflicts slowly reduces magnetism, but later the heat of conflict and rubbing may permanently remove magnetism in a relationship.

I would love sharing your views and experiences on the closeness issue.


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Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#23
thank you for your excellent feedback Proma \ud83d\udc1d Nautiyal. I agree with you and see eye to eye with your comment. You refer to atguments that lead to conflicts. By the way this is my nnext buzz theme. You are too a mind-reader.

Proma 🐝 Nautiyal

Proma 🐝 Nautiyal

3 years ago #21

I couldn't agree more, Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. For me, too much proximity is never a good idea. Everyone needs their own space. Otherwise without that space people will feel suffocted and might end of venting on the closest person. "Space" shouldn't be a luxury but a necessity to have healthy relationships, be it with one's spouse, friends, colleagues, or parents and siblings. Everybody should be allowed some breathing space. Also, I believe, instead of arguments people should have discussions, with an open mind. That helps two people understand each other better, rather than going on the defensive. Every quarrel brings out some insight. It is up to us to ensure the insight is good rather than a disturbing one. Thank you for writing about such a pertinent topic sir. I really enjoyed reading it.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #20

#20
Things do change. We use our bed to sleep and our car to arrive somewhere. Relationships are the same. We walk large journies with some, small ones with others. Some we simply enjoy the company. All of these journeys leave a mark on us as we separate and form new adventures. Because of our top 5 close relationships ( Marriage, family extended family)the rest would almost always be in a state of flux. Which i believe i carved out of CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit next to last paragraph.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #19

#15
I believe the word "Bound" is the word that i was describing. We bind for different purposes. Its when the binding effort takes on more than it should. I can't bind beyond what my family is willing to sacrifice. With each bound relationship we must consider that each member is already bound in others. Respecting previous promises to others at various levels of binding together is my central point. I have watched relationships grow (close) but then someone places a load on the relationship that has you determining your higher level relationships willingness to give you up. Within leadership we sometimes meet people who are over committed in serving to many relationships. They can't bind at the level we are needing. Not a judgement but rather a view of the person unable to respond at the level they need due to prior commitments. Can i really ask them to break those for my own? But equally each of us should be respectful when asked to commit to a relationship whether we can perform at the level expected. Great points and my thoughts are mainly surrounding the choice of relationship. Based on someone's energy level and purpose i may only be able to maintain a acquaintance level relationship, however i may be able to jump all in if the journey could serve both towards different goals.

Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #18

So many great comments! Closeness requires some measure of loyalty, trust and fealty, that are too often misplaced or mismatched depending on the circumstances. I like Harvey Lloyd said: things change, move, are rent-apart.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#18
The dancing metaphor is superb Savvy Raj. Like you wrote "Like different dances have different degrees of proximity between dancers so as to lead and follow well, different relationships in life". You remind me of flock of birds flying while keeping a distance so as not to collide. We need a "safety space" to enjoy our authenticity and to avoid collisions. Movement requires some space to be able to keep moving while also keeping proximity with others.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#15
great thoughts CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit7 . Your comments need buzzes to respond to. I shall focus for now on what you wrotr "If we are wise then we begin to see what is the meaning of closeness and value of knowing becoming close is not something forever". Towards the end of your comment you mentioned the few close relations that survive. Yes and relations go through ebbs and flows. No matter what to sustain them we need to keep them energized. When we get cool towards a close relation we do the opposite and weaken the bond rather than strengthening it. I believe that the possibility that a close friend may become the worst enemy is there. Keeping some safety distance so that we may get the warmth of a relationship without allowing the tiny spikes of hidden irritants to grow into thorny are repulsive spikes is a safer option

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#13
yes and I agree with you Erroll -EL- Warner. There are repulsive forces when two bodies get very close. Women and men who suffer from sexual harrassment is an example of negative or repulsive closeness. This is bound to happen. We have seen prominent policy makers fall in this trap. So i would add that the problem occurs at all levels. I wonder what you think!

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

3 years ago #14

We are taught through customs and media to engage in a certain type of closeness and that is when the word "love" gets caught up in ideologies and this depends on how this conformity create ties that bind. We are bound at school but then untangled by work, we are bound at one workplace but then untangled by job loss, we are bound by family but then untangled by death. If we are wise then we begin to see what is the meaning of closeness and value of knowing becoming close is not something forever, something will untangle that closeness one way or another. The surest center of our being for me is the home we create, but that depends on being lucky enough to have good people living with us, and our ability to recognize that goodness - for even here one momentary injection of evil can untangle the possibility of closeness, so can having our head turned by the illusions and branding, the kind beBee promote currently promote as professional closeness - but we can never hold a true relationship with image, but only image that as good as it gets. When this professional fantasy fades, we are left in the untangled mess that is modern retirement. We then learn to be close for convenience, for personal profit and for survival of the fittest (where fittest is a political craft). Yet we hold a few people really close that do make a difference in our lives and no matter how life turns or what life untangles, that which we hold eternal in our hearts is the most closest thing that is true - yet there are people who learn to late that the most closest thing to them was the one they kept distance from. Think of this from an education. Educators call "distance learning" something far from their institution, but distance learning is the closest proximity to the actual learner - so we as a learner do not see this as being close - and the same is true for relationships - except we do not see the distance we created.

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

3 years ago #13

We are taught through customs and media to engage in a certain type of closeness and that is when the word "love" gets caught up in ideologies and this depends on how this conformity create ties that bind. We are bound at school but then untangled by work, we are bound at one workplace but then untangled by job loss, we are bound by family but then untangled by death. If we are wise then we begin to see what is the meaning of closeness and value of knowing becoming close is not something forever, something with untangle that closeness one way or another. The surest center of our being for me is the home we create, but that depends on being lucky enough to have good people living with us, and our ability to recognize that goodness - for even here one momentary injection of evil can untangle the possibility of closeness, so can having our head turned by the illusions and branding, the kind beBee promote currently promote as professional closeness - but we can never hold a true relationship with image, but only image that as good as it gets. When this professional fantasy fades, we are left in the untangled mess that is modern retirement. We then learn to be close for convenience, for personal profit and for survival of the fittest (where fittest is a political craft). Yet we hold a few people really close that do make a difference in our lives and no matter how life turns or what life untangles, that which we hold eternal in our hearts is the most closest thing that is true - yet there are people who learn to late that the most closest thing to them was the one they kept distance from. Think of this from an education. Educators call "distance learning" something far from their institution, but distance learning is the closest proximity to the actual learner - so we as a learner do not see this as being close - and the same is true for relationships - except we do not see the distance we created.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

yes, and I believe the comment of Harvey Lloyd #2 just fits well with your comment

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

3 years ago #11

#10
everyone is setting their own boundaries based on experience I think it is unique to each individual some crave for it some don't :-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
Yes, it is open for debate and this is what I hope to read in the comments. Closeness is OK, but how close is closeness before it becomes intimacy or something else?

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

3 years ago #9

Closeness is OK, different is Intimate, fusional is passionate and the whole relationship question will forever be open for debate......

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#4
What a lovely and relevant quote Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris. Thank you

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
Great sharing as it carries the spirit of the buzz Harvey Lloyd

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#2
Great insights Harvey Lloyd. So many points to consider. I liked the ordering or layering of relationships. You suggest a new ladder for doing this. I paused for sometime while reading this "Your pecking order may be different but if the order you have chosen becomes clouded and you have to choose, then you will crush one relationship over another". Relationships can become like entangled noodles if they are not sorted out. This is an interesting perspective and I hope commenters would add their perspectives. Mixing relations can happen in a family business as you pointed out. The order of the family is on top as per your ladder and then this is mixed with business relationship at work. Changing places between morning and work hours with family members from top priority to way down in ranking at work is truly confusing. You add here a great dimension to studying family business. For the above-mentioned reasons I am contented with your line "When we approach relationships we must know where the "right" place/pecking order position is". This line is worthy of a dedicated discussion.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#1
Thank you dear Debasish Majumder. SOmetimes getting too close can indeed be harmful.

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

Beautiful ideas! I'd like to add a (probably heavily paraphrased) quote from Dante, which may be relevant: "hell is closeness without intimacy."

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #3

Professional, social and family relationships are all different, come join an exploration of how these impact us daily.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #2

This too is another discussion of definitions, Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. Relationships are a fuzzy business of defining lines of trust. Professional relationships are brought together within a trust envelope of shared goals. I have seen these expand into personal relationships. Rarely do these last and can sometimes end badly. Relationships have a pecking order. My wife, family hold the two and three spot. Given these it establishes the next few spots in supporting the two. Friends are reserved somewhere at the 8-10 position. This very quickly shows that business, professional and social are somewhere down the pecking order @ 10, 11, 12th position. This on the surface sounds terrible, but in reality is the way relationships work. Your pecking order may be different but if the order you have chosen becomes clouded and you have to choose, then you will crush one relationship over another. My main point here is to describe that as we enter a relationship "I" need to assume i am way down the pecking order. This keeps me from over stressing relationships. Professionally, when working with customers, the first few pecking order slots are personal, the next are professional and i fall after. I know i can never place the customer in a position that they must chose "me" over those slots above me. I need just walk away. Running a family business has placed me in some precarious positions. Employees talking about my family and maintaining a professional approach. Although i approach it professionally outside, inside i could do bad things. When we approach relationships we must know where the "right" place/pecking order position is. From that position i can avoid challenging the order prescribed and have the most influence.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

3 years ago #1

when two souls come close two each other amicably, there is every potential for one to make another almost slave to other and the endearing friendship sadly turn into master-slave relationship, making the relationship as a stale one. nice insight sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz.

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