Not Bitter, But Better

Not Bitter, But Better

I went to few of my notes and decided to share with the readers the flash of thoughts that I documented. Sometimes, ideas jump into our minds and unless we record them they are gone.

We talk about maturity but is that enough. A mature orange may taste sour. Only if it ripens its bitterness turn to sweet. Ripening is the internal transformation whereby starch converts to sugar and the sour acids decrease.

Is it enough to say that a relationship matured? Could this relationship be sour and bitter even if from outside it looks great? Likewise; My buzzes are like a sour orange fruit that hasn’t been given enough time to ripen.

Constructive criticism is the sweetener that ripens my sour ideas and posts.
Ali Anani

The opposite is true. We may turn a sweet taste into a sour or bitter one. The sweet orange may taste sour or bitter depending sometimes on what we have eaten before drinking the orange juice. Sweet criticism might taste bitter, but not because the criticism is bitter, but because of what we have been dripping in our hearts and minds before reading a criticism. I suggest that you read a critical comment twice at different times before responding to a criticism; else you turn a sweet criticism into a bitter one.

Sweet criticism is not responsible for the sour taste; it is sometimes what we have chewed before.
Ali Anani

What would you do if you prepared an orange and find it tasting bitter? The simple answer is to add honey or sugar to the juice so that it may taste not bitter, but better. When you write a post and find it gloomy, saddening and crippling to the reader then add a sweetener to it. Give hope, suggest solutions and suggest alternatives.

Β You find the criticism of your buzz sour- add honey to it. Don’t make the bitter more bitter.
Ali Anani

You have put the juice of your mind in a buzz and you find it bitter. You have memories that make you feel bitter, only after a while the bitterness disappeared. You read a criticism on one of your posts and were horrified by its bitter taste. Responding immediately might be sour and inappropriate. Like your orange juice may turn sweet over time, so our perspectives may be towards some criticism. Time will chemical in the juice and remove its bitter taste. Instead of making the bitter more bitter, the challenge is to make it better. Ferment the criticism to remove the cause of bitterness. This is true in many aspects of our lives. You have a customer with a bitter complaint the easy way to respond is to make the bitter worse; the great way is to ferment bitterness into joy. If you do your complaining customer shall be your most loyal one.

It is so rewarding to ferment criticism to turn it into a sweet. In the process you convert your bitter foes into loyal allies.
Ali Anani

We don’t like to be criticized. The right mindset will see criticism as feedback. It is the enzyme that turns the sour criticism into a sweet. Is there a better way to think positively and not respond to a criticism with criticism, but to convert the bitterness of criticism into a sweet?

Feedback might heat the discussions and temporarily increase their bitterness. Sometimes that is necessary. We need the heat generated by the feedback to kill the poison that makes us feel better. Too much praise may cause diabetes. We need to balance it with criticism.

If we feel the sweetness of praise very strongly we need to be sure that this doesn’t lead to β€œpraise diabetes”.
Ali Anani

We need consider small flashes that make big illumination in our lives and better our mindsets. Just like changing the β€œI” letter in bitter to e letter that makes life better.


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Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#37
Great qioute dear . Thank you

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#36
I have one thing to add to your sound comment dear Tausif Mundrawala that I fully agree with you

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#34
I appreciated and "annotated" your sweet comment dear Clau Valerio

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#28
You do raise a great point dear Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador. Comments should serve a purpose. We say we have SMART goals; equally valid is to say SMART comments. A SMART comment not only raises the problem, it also suggests possible solutions. One example is my buzz. I did a readability statistics on this buzz and the results show the following statistics: Ease of reading 71 (desirable to have this indicator 60 and above) Grade level to understand this buzz 6.4. This means a person who attended school for less than seven years may understand this buzz. This is good, but not great as the buzz is more simple than necessary. Here, the criticism shows the weak area that I need to improve and suggest solutions. Therefore I am in full agreement with your constructive comment.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#27
This is a great example of what real engagement between the reader and author can be dear Edward Lewellen. Feedback is a great way to reinforce and grow our thoughts and crystallize them into some order. That is why it is feedback and not "depleteback" or "holdback".

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#26
Very subtle comment dear CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit. The intentions and purpose of writing a comment are very important to realize. An author writes say 2 minutes reading buzz, but the commenter writes few lines in average. The commenter has less space and therefore great responsibility to keep the comment short, concise, purposeful and to the core issue. Short of that, the feelings of "trying to get a rise out of you" shall prevail. We tend to focus on the author, but the commenter merits due attention too.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#24
There are two probabilities Phil Friedman. Either the author is narrow-minded to be unable to differentiate a meaningful criticism from a comment that addresses him/her personally. Or, that the commenter doesn't realize he/she wrote a meaningless comment. ore, if both parties don't realize the extent of which a comment is critical or a personal attack.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#23
Thank you dear Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic. In my mind critical means constructive criticism. I agree with you. I used the commonly used words because when we say critics we mean in my understanding people with knowledge and experience to write meaningful comments and criticism. I like the term constructive comments because it removes doubts.

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

"Constructive criticism aims to show that an intent or purpose of something is better served by an alternative approach." (a partial definition via Wikipedia). If the intent is meant in this context and the same applies to how it is taken, then it will a positive impact. Seems to me constructive criticism" is sometimes a misused phrase. IMO, constructive criticism should be timely, clear, specific and productive - not just an opinion - but backed up by reason and a sensible explanation.

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

2 years ago #24

At Toastmasters the process of evaluating a speech is informed by a mantra which says to critique the speech and not the speaker. Psychological wounds are not physical wounds but penetrate deeper. In the online world the world of trolls seek psychological effects and there is a phallic description that describes the playing field a troll plays in which is that they are simply "trying to get a rise out of you". We tend to use sexual or excretion terms to describe this and that simply defines how the low the bar is on thinking this way. The pathway to psychological resilience is in not taking the bait and yet we treat the shock of personal attacks as if someone has thrown psychological acid in our face. The difference is that physical scarring is usually not reversible unless there is superficial damage, but psychological scarring is in the meaning we ascribe to that kind of scar. To rise above this is quite a challenge, and I agree it is in this ability to take the higher ground that the quote by Edmund Burke comes into play https://bigthink.com/words-of-wisdom/edmund-burke-on-the-value-of-adversaries

Lada 🏑 Prkic

Lada 🏑 Prkic

2 years ago #23

#24
Phil, people usually use the term to criticise or criticism in a negative context, although it has two distinct meanings, even in Croatian. You can give a judgement of merits and faults. That's why I use the term constructive criticism. Besides pointing out a potentially wrong idea or opinion it also means to give an explanation of our disagreement and then advice, solution or alternatives. I agree with you about the separating people from their ideas, but it's difficult to achieve.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

2 years ago #22

Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee -- I suggest to you that many people often confuse the various meanings of the term "critical" and take it to mean always a severely unfavorable comment -- which it doesn't. From the Merriam Webster Dictionary: critical - "exercising or involving careful judgment or judicious evaluation ..." I should also like to suggest that more people need to separate their ideas from themselves as people. And try to understand that disagreeing with someone's idea is not identical to attacking them as a person. How you treat people is a measure of what kind of person you are. Whether or not you always agree with what they think or say is not. Nor is it a measure of what you think of them as people. Some of my best friends through the years have been people with whom I have had the strongest disagreements over ideas and opinions. That is what genuine intellectual engagement is about -- namely, a mutual search for "truth", for want of a better term. And you don't ever learn much by gazing only at your own reflection. Cheers!

Lada 🏑 Prkic

Lada 🏑 Prkic

2 years ago #21

#20
Dear Ali, I will repeat here what I just said in the comment/respond on my buzz about praising. When it comes to praising and criticism, I found an interesting fact. There is an ideal praise-to-criticism ratio derived from the research about the effectiveness of leadership teams. Top performing teams give each other nearly six positive comments for every negative one. So the ratio is 6 to 1. Maybe this ratio could be applied to the social media conversation also; about 15% of constructive comments to balance too much "sweetness." :-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#21
"Empty praise" is a great term dear Debasish Majumder. Many people are dignified only after their death. How many times passing artist were given awards or recognition after their death. Postponed praise is the praise that goes to people deservedly after their death. Many times scientist who came up with new explanations were mocked during their lives, only to be recognized after their death when their vision and imagination were proven. "lying praise" is the praise that credits people for having what they don't have for different hidden intentions. A lie is a lie and the liars, unfortunately, tend to believe their lies when they gather deceptive support from others. There is also the "inflating praise" that inflates people only to be punctured by a needle. Thank you dear Debasish for widening the scope of the discussion.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

2 years ago #19

few days back i lost one of my friend who used to encourage me a lot without getting the true essence of what i write, but, he always admire me. i wonder, how he can understand without having much education. but one quality he used to possess was that he was an outstanding vocalist and a phenomenal voice ha had. on contrary, being an artist, he equally took resort to boozing regularly with all other associated vices and acquired a grand repute of being a lecherous one. surprising after his untimely death(suicide), suddenly all people started to praise that he was a phenomenal singer, which he was really and and extremely good nature person. that is perhaps called 'empty praise', as we noticed after death all tend to eulogize one, removing the dark aspect of ones life. rather during his living if all may praise him, he could have changed and could prove his mettle, making him truly a distinct one. i exactly cannot realize what is actually praise and what is actual praise. more or less hypocrisy lying with majority of us, just to ingratiate with one to serve ones self interest, and i guess that is not praise, only a ladder to ensure ones rise. complementing each other is not a vice i guess, rather a virtue and courtesy which sharply declining in modern self centered age. there lies the lacuna i guess sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee between praise and adopting a musk to deceive one by pretending to be praising, which only pave mess whether in social media or any other form of social interactions.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#18
Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic- yes, and my buzz supports your recent buzz https://www.bebee.com/producer/@lada-prkic/bebee-a-hive-for-praise Having the right mindset is crucial for handling criticism rightly.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#17
Bill King- I enjoyed your comment. Yes, with different cultures we meet different challenges. I recall a foreign professor teaching at a Jordanian University. Female students wouldn't attend his lectures even though we was good at teaching. farting in public is not considered a polite thing to do and is unacceptable. The prof came from a country when it is normal to release gases. Amazing your story in China is for your tended to give the sweet boxes to top executives to give them to a poor boy. Sometimes we travel thousand of miles to do the unthinkable or non-intended.

Lada 🏑 Prkic

Lada 🏑 Prkic

2 years ago #16

Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, I am glad we share the same thoughts on the positive aspects of constructive criticism. The right mindset will always understand that the criticism given in good faith has a higher value than empty praise.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#15
Because the previous comments would be out of place I opted not to delete it.. I am consider rephrasing it. Thank you

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

2 years ago #14

Personally I would either drop it or introduce it with an introductory assumption statement but that's just me :-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#13
I agree, but do you suggest a correction to enhance the impact of the metaphor? I tried to use scientific reasoning to explain as I always try to do. Thank you in advance.

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

2 years ago #12

#11
it also implies that when a metaphor is fuelled by ''cliches'' it weakens its impact :-) that is just feedback ,Now I just happen to know quite a lot about diabetes :-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
I fully concur.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#10
AT least we need to remove one cause of diabetes so that we may have more time to consider other potential causes.

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

2 years ago #9

#3
Just to add a comment on Diabetes causes , lifestyle is one cause and one only for T2, there are numerous other causes such as genetics, stress, thyroid unbalance and multiple other factors can also trigger diabetes. In Asia diabetes for example, Slim Diabetes exists and lifestyle is not the issue by and large . On T1 (also called Juvenile Onset) its important to note that's its metabolism driven but an auto immune condition hence insulin :-)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#6
No need to correct you Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris because you are correct.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#4
Very true what you wrote in the first part of your comment. On LinkedIn Deb\ud83d\udc1d Lange, Brand Ambassador @beBee wrote very interesting comments. In the first comment, and I hope she would share it here, she referred to the management of comments and response to critical feedback. As for the second part of your lovely comment I say I did make the same mistake, and I regretted it afterwards. There is no point in allowing a small fire to burn a forest; it is better extinguishing it. I must add here that the selection of words are their "tone" is an important issue so as not to cause misunderstanding.

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

There was another post recently on beBee that focused on the issue of excessive praise, something that seems to be quite evident on this platform. I believe Ali's point on diabetes alludes to that. Please correct me if I'm mistaken.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
It is a game of balance dear Debasish Majumder- extremes of too much praise of excessive excessive criticism may not lead to balancing. We need both. When you feel you make a very sweet praise try to add even a small typo, correction suggestion. Likewise; when a comment is critical I would consider too critical I would dilute it with a praise even for a well-written sentence. This way the author feels the comment is not lopsided or directed at him in person. As for your writing " consequently, it is necessary to avoid lifestyle which may lead to such ailment. yet" you make me happy that I posted this buzz in the lifestyle hive. I appreciate your feedback and balanced comment my friend.

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

2 years ago #4

On the metaphoric question of diabetes I think in order to be consistent and empower the metaphor fully I don't think its advisable to say ''praise'' because this is a condition but managing it seems rather more appropriate, having said that a TNN Pro-Cycling Rider Quentin Valognes has written a book called '' Diabetes: my best friend'' and I realise that's a praise …… :-) On another note I have recently seen a comment being answered probably very hastily and in a very harsh and hostile tone by a very active author on this platform, I don't think its the initial commenter who is to blame for inflaming the discussion even though I don't think the comment was very sophisticated, I think the author has let himself down big time in dismissing the comment and adopting a condescending tone in his response, the inability to deal with feedback is a weakness which is more damaging than the criticism itself.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

2 years ago #3

despite better is the proposition to avoid bitterness, but we cannot rule out sweetness alone make huge difference. if the fallout we may assume lead to diabetes but, i guess it is the lifestyle responsible for diabetes. consequently, it is necessary to avoid lifestyle which may lead to such ailment. yet, we cannot rule out the ambiance sometimes trigger us to act accordingly and we inevitably fall into the prey of such malice! i guess praise always help to raise and i don't think sweet appreciation may bring down one and accolades is an agent to ruin only.rather it may pave the way for a healthy bonding. complementing each other always a healthy tool for a relationship and missing of it too make customer and company's relationship bitter. i wonder whether there is at all any parameter exist which may determine how much cordial one may act with other to make the relationship healthier! however, wonderful insight sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz sir.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#1
Your comment dear Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris is an example of removing bitterness "missing a word" to improve the reading of my buzz. I benefit and the readers benefits too. I edited with gratitude to your "soft" criticism.

Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris

Very enlightening post! Thank you Ali for sharing your sweetening thought :-) In order to balance this praise, here is a small (hopefully constructive) criticism as well: It's "It's so rewarding" not "It so rewarding" in one of the last quotes... Not that the reader cannot understand what you mean, but if he/she were to use that quote verbatim, it wouldn't be as impactful :-)

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