The Conflict Animals

The Conflict Animals

Xmas is approaching and it is about time to turn conflicts into peace. This is easier said than done. However; the cost of conflict may reach an explosion point and nobody benefits. Conflicts are of different types. How can we fuse the possible explosion of a conflict? I see each conflict as an animal. How do we resolve the conflict of meeting a wild animal and how does relate to conflict resolution and better to conflict transformation?

We need to first change our perspective to conflicts and view them as a source of movement that keeps our lives dynamic. Conflicts provide us with the opportunity to be creative and find resolutions to conflicts that seem far away when they could be in front of our eyes. We need to engage our wonderment in turning our perspective to conflicts from negative to positive and from a threat to an opportunity.

We need first to transform our perspectives of conflicts so that we may transform conflict from a threat to an opportunity.
Ali Anani, PhD

Many times we run into deeper problems for we don’t know what animal is the conflict we are facing. By trying to resolve the conflict we make it worse. I believe that being able to categorize the conflict animal will go a long way in helping us deal with conflicts. For example, using the AIKIDO metaphor in moving toward an attack and becoming one with the attacker is suggested. Is this advisable regardless of the type of conflict we are dealing with?

Conflicts may shape up as wild animals and we tend to view them as threatening. It is living in the stress of our thinking that we tend to do the wrong things. For example, if we foresee a conflict as a black beer then we may act differently than seeing it as a lion, for example. We should never run away from a black bear. The bear of conflict shall attack you then. Rather, stand up firmly and make yourself look bigger by waiving your hands and make big noises. This way you may keep the black bear away. Our tendency to flight shall not make any sense with this type of animal.

Sometimes it is a simple trick that may help in avoiding a conflict. Like you should never be dressed in black and yellow near bees because they shall attack you. Small mistakes that instead of helping us fuse a problem, instead we make it more costly. We face this issues in our families where a wife or husband dresses in colors that are unfavorable to the partner and end up in explosions.

In India they discovered a small trick to avoid beers attacking their crops. Researchers noticed that the deer do not come near the plants (sprayed with egg contents), probably due to the pungent odor emitted by the raw egg contents when exposed to the air. It is when we are in balance that we may come up with simple solutions to thorny conflicts. We need to find out what repellent works for each animal because one repellent doesn’t fit all animals. This is like finding a conflict with a negative approach- using repellent odors. Negative repelling a negative at work. This reminds me of what Harvey Lloyd commented on my previous buzz β€œAs you gather your thoughts consider that conflict involves two people or groups of people. Each is entrenched and must be dislodged from their narrative in order for resolution to happen. I don't do conflict. Not that I fear the conflict but rather, dislodging entrenched narratives is a playground that never ends well”.

We may run away from a conflict, but this is running away from a natural phenomenon. We may opt to avoid the roots of a conflict. If that doesn’t work we should be thinking of creative inversion. By this I mean turning the threat of the conflict animal into a creative opportunity.

CityVPΒ Β ManjitCityVPΒ Β Manjit commented on my previous buzz. He wrote β€œWe may see the heat rise in a conflict or we may see people drowning in a particular conflict and both heat and water have their analogies with conflict, but the conflicts to be wary of are one's I would call "minefields". By the time we have stepped on a minefield we are either going to explode with the conflict or we try to become more mindful of minefields”. How about walking in a forest of wild animals then my friend?

Enjoy the video below on conflict transformation- hopefully we transform our minds as well.


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Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #32

#30
#29 "If you’re shown a hotel room you’ve been told is the Honeymoon Suite, your expectations will be high. If there’s no plush carpet, spa and champagne, you’ll be disappointed. On the other hand, if you’ve been told before the door opens that it’s a jail cell, you’ll be delighted to find even modest comforts.” C.S. Lewis The suggestive nature within conflict is demonstrated in CS Lewis little parable above. When we enter conflict we need to be assertive, but we also need to make sure we are targeting the right stuff. In conflict we have unmet expectations. We should target the expectations as opportunity may reside within one or more of the expectations presented. In leadership we have to scrape away the outcomes of conflict to find the source. 99% of the time it's in expectations that are in conflict. Should we make it about the emotional outcomes/behaviour we will miss the opportunity to share human capacity and increase our risk over success. What we emphasys in conflict is what is made important in future conflicts:)

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #31

#30
#29 Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee the question, "Where do we draw the line as to what is conflict and what is merely being assertive I wonder?" is a striking question. The question is in itself conclusive. It concludes that conflict is an anomaly to the setting in which we would be assertive. Conflict is the contention between two value sets within two individuals or more. When our values, whether good or bad, are threatened then we become anxious and want to stop the person, idea or ideal that is causing this contention within our value set. Unfortunately we almost never consider the value sets within our assertive intervention. We see only the behaviours that were drawn out from the compromised values in each party. Values lead to expectations, unmet expectations lead to pensive engagements. This is a natural process of the human endeavour. What is seemingly unnatural , but pervasive, is the belief that "you/me" are the only person that works this way. We ALL have this human characteristic and great leaders know how to merge values from the most far flung positions into a single expectation, through conflict. Great question and discussion.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#36
I hope you do dear Lisa Vanderburg

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #29

#22
Ooh...maybe I will! Thank you Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee #23 LMAO, Harvey Lloyd....haha!!!

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#33
zI am only stating the truth dear Tausif Mundrawala. Keep growing my friend

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#31
I am very grateful to your comment dear Tausif Mundrawala. You bring to light two important points. First your reference to Salman's Rushdi quote "He has described those men with hunger of power with heads of different animals". This is a real extension to the discussion. Instead of wearing many hats we have people with different heads of animals. You stretch my imagination with this quote. Second- you are the first to highlight the idea of repellent. I am thankful to you for this. Sometimes repelling a conflict rather than deal with it is an effective solution. You are widser than your age my friend.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#29
great comment Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee would share his wisdom on your comment Joyce

Joyce 🐝 Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

Conflict--hmmmmm. I found myself thinking of conflict as someone else's problem. In thinking further, I know I am first submissive, and then rise to the occasion if it's something I cannot escape. I found myself musing about sitting on a country road--sitting quietly while a herd of cattle crossed. The cattle represented the conflict. Where do we draw the line as to what is conflict and what is merely being assertive I wonder?

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#27
absolutely @yolanda. Without conflicts life will be still and boring. Conflicts are challenges for us and a test of our creativity to come up with creative solutions.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#25
very true as we all have ego. Likeyou wrote Harvey Lloyd "Each of these words have natural existence within our lives". It is how we put what we have in life that makes the difference.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #22

#24
I believe that "popularity" of word grows when folks use the word as a label. The label or need for one may exist, but all to often, like marketing, we want catchy quick words that will stick. Ego is one such word and matter of fact so is lust. Each of these words have natural existence within our lives. A lust for writing is appropriate where lust for the neighbors wife is not. Being confident and secure in your leadership is ego but browbeating someone who upstaged you is not ego it's pride/vanity. It may also be considered egotistical behaviour, but is still sourced in pride and vanity. We all have ego.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#21
Harvey Lloyd- you remind me of my recent buzz on lust. It has negative meaning mostly. I have lust for writing. There is nothing wrong with this. Now you add another example- being egoist. Sometimes the meaning is only possible within the framework of contest.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #20

#11
"It is all too easy to be mowed over by the "shoulds" and "demands" of the season. In a stressed state, we all come one step closer to giving our internal "animal" free rein." In our day of drama laden communication it is so easy to pick up the "hot-Potato". Showing my age here. In construction the hot-potato was always someone who was in trouble on a project and they needed to hand off the hot-potato. This cleared them of responsibility and set you up for the fall. Simple yet effective "negotiating tactic" In those days i had to learn how to assist without taking the potato. In some cases i just walked away. Today they i sense that folks want us to emotion match as their is strength in numbers. This is the same thing as the yesteryear hot-potato. I don't accept being mowed over from the start. When i sense the hot-potato being served up i know instinctively to listen, reflect and redirect or walk away. On rare occasions i will accept the potato with all the risk, but i am choosing and not being set up blindly. Great thoughts. Ps. my animal brain operates more like a pandora's box, once opened all of it has to exit before the lid can be placed back,. I would imagine its like this for more than would admit. Best to empty the box in meditative conditions than have to clean up the aftermath. Beware the hot-potato:)

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#20
brilliant thoughts my dear Lisa Vanderburg. Your reference to the internal beast is consistent with a previous comment. What I really find novel in your gorgeous comment is our tendency to "but we tend to turn away from others when our space gets to crowded and the sense of unsolvable global NEED becomes overwhelming". This is an expanded example of going against the crowd effect. You touched upon a hugely-interesting idea. I believe you should consider expanding it to a buzz. This is novelty thinking my friend.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #18

#11
The word ego has always been a challenge. It seems to have taken on a very negative connotation. But i believe it is natural not only within males, strongly but also females. Ego, or at least my definition, is the acting out of what we believe with great passion and motivation. The dictionary discusses this as "self esteem and or self importance". I want my doctor, firefighter or policeman to have ego. I believe we have cross defined ego with "megalomania" and "vanity" If you have collected all the information, data and resources and challenged your team with the concept of the success you propose, you should have ego, self esteem and self importance. When the poo-poo hits the fan it is rather interesting that we all want the one with "ego" to lead us to safety. The one who shows confidence, believes in the plan or is willing to bet their own safety to include others. So if i could replace your word ego with vanity or megalomania then i agree wholeheartedly with your comment. I believe you were say the same thing. I thought the distinction was worth further comment.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #17

As always, a buzz to make me think, dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee!! And with the highest quality of comments you always attract so well addresses, it behooves me to be the devil's advocate :) When is conflict a good thing? I sometimes wonder, for example; we seem to stand on the precipice of annihilation or a momentous leap to a higher being (in which case at least half of humanity won't make it...me included!). It's almost as if we need war to quell our internal beast. Clearly, it's out of the question on so many levels, but we tend to turn away from others when our space gets to crowded and the sense of unsolvable global NEED becomes overwhelming. Just thoughts......

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Thank you dear Savvy Raj for your encouraging and heart-lifting comment besides your sharing of the buzz. Greatly appreciated

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#16
uh very interesting comment CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit. This is interesting that mosquitoes kill more humans than any animal. You remind me of thre Arab poet who said more than a thousand years ago Do't belittle a small person in a conflict... for a mosquitoe can bleed the eye of a lion. Equally interesting the adaptation style of Bruce Lee. This is a hreat lesson for adaptations from other animals at its best. Only humans can tell stories. Your comment is a beautiful one.

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

3 years ago #14

The first thing I will focus on here is focus on our improvement of understanding of animal intelligence. Except for the mosquito the only other animal that represents a major danger to human beings are other human beings. Trailing far behind in the most dangerous animal league are snakes and dogs. Mosquitoes Kill More Humans than Human Murderers https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/mosquitoes-kill-more-humans-human-murderers-do-180951272/ The human being who most understood animal intelligence as in conflict animals in modern times is the iconic martial artist and martial arts actor Bruce Lee. He drew on the five animal styles of kung fu in his own more flexible adaptation called Jeet-Kun-do Bruce Lee - Jeet Kune Do https://books.google.ca/books?id=XLmHCgAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover#v=onepage&q&f=false Bruce Lee understood two things, martial arts should be open to all rather than a closed discipline and that the best adaptation is examine every style and school and then create a non-mechanistic martial art. Here his adaptation of the five animal styles had more to do with teaching people their own authentic way rather than another method. Since Bruce Lee was a student of western philosophy as much eastern martial arts, he blended both into a truly holistic form. In short animal intelligence was something he could adapt. In his case he did not adapt to that which he feared but which represented movements of life and being.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#11
i am so happy with your thorough comment Joanne Gardocki. Reading this part of your comment "in a stressed state, we all come one step closer to giving our internal "animal" free rein..." made me joyful. This is the animal inside us that we need to cope with. You really add weight to the idea of treating conflicts as wild animals. But you add the lovely idea that the wild animal lives inside us. So much to ponder on my friend.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#10
absolutel spot on Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador. It is creativity that turns threat into an opportunity for the creative minds. If we get frozen by conflict and overly stressed conflict shall never transform into an opportunity.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
yes and your comment is packed with great perspectives dearvDebasish Majumder. Are you writing a poen on same tipic?

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#8
thank you dear Kevin Baker. Yes and youvpicked a main idea of the buzz. Greatly appreciated comment

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

Brilliant piece, Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee "Where conflict and personal emotions engage skills/wisdom are now void." sums up conflict+emotions and the results. We must keep a clear head to transform a conflict into opportunity.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

3 years ago #8

in nature, guess, it should not be evaluated as conflict out of our perception. it is the struggle which ensure their existence and even in human domain, conflicts ensure our growth, innovations as well results in transformations into more positive accelerations, making the pace of history in more advanced form. however, lovely buzz sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz sir.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#6
What could I add to the beauty of your writing "Given these qualities it would appear that we can become self aware of the entry and exit of our own emotions, to the point we control our actions"? Honestly, your thought is so integrated that I would only deform it if I add to it. I learnt by my own experience the truth in your ending paragraph. And paid a price for it to become a little wiser.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #6

#4
If we could remove emotion we would not have conflict. At least not in my definition of the word conflict. We would have misunderstandings, excluded facts or other missed information from when we began or a journey of learning and growing. In my early years of leading i was opposed to emotions and ignored them. This lead to the understanding that i might as well have been ignoring my left ear. Emotions are the narrative plus feelings we have attached to them. As Ian Weinberg states these attachments are subjective. But would add are unique to each of us. Given these qualities it would appear that we can become self aware of the entry and exit of our own emotions, to the point we control our actions. A quote we have all heard, Franklin D. Roosevelt β€” 'Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.' This quote establishes the thought, although emotions and our narrative are present we can use higher thinking to act along needed guidelines. When conflict takes on a personal sphere of influence with any team member then we have two issues. Sorting out the individuals narrative and the expected conflict we new was coming. The older i get the less i enjoy sorting out someone else's narrative within conflict (Professionally). Where conflict and personal emotions engage skills/wisdom are now void.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
I am now dancing to the beauty of your sharing Harvey Lloyd

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#2
I love your three-pronged approach Harvey Lloyd. In light of your comment "Conflict appears to take on one of three positions, surprise, oblivious or expected". Truly, the expectation helps in taking in advance precautions. Like if we anticipate a bear we may carry with us a bear-repellent sprayer. In reference to your writing "Oblivious is a little more benign in execution as it tends to place the person in denial of the conflict" I fully agree. If admitting a mistake is harmful, denying it is a killer. As for surprise yes even sometimes people react negatively to pleasant surprises. I could have easily rewritten this buzz along your great comment. But again, whether surprise, expected or oblivious they are are emotions. Surprisingly it is how emotions influence our actions.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #3

Conflict is a part of leadership. Its not how we avoid it but rather how we dance with it with team members. Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee is discussing the dance steps and moves that reduce the impact.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #2

"I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.” Charles Swindoll. I believe the above quote captures the essence of conflict as you have portrayed the components and outcomes. Conflict appears to take on one of three positions, surprise, oblivious or expected. Meaning we start out on an adventure and then are met with conflict from one of the three mentioned positions. Each position tends to generate its own outcomes. Surprise that conflict has arisen within the process is probably the one that will gather the most negative momentum within the team. Who did what and why will be standard questions that create acrimony amongst the team. Oblivious is a little more benign in execution as it tends to place the person in denial of the conflict and they sense that understanding of facts is all is needed. Both of these tend to end poorly. Expected is the self actualization from the beginning that we don't know all upfront. Personal, professional and market conflicts are inevitable. With this expectation we can now watch for the pink elephants first shadow and deal with each as they arise. No surprise, no blind sided teams or rabbit chasing, just expectation of filling in blanks of what we didn't know when we started.

Ali 🐝 Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Harvey Lloyd- you are mentioned in this buzz

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