The Cracking of Relationships
We build relations with friend, customers, with family members and with the world and with even our values, beliefs and faith. This posts provides the Punctured Barrel Metaphor” to discuss factors that deteriorate relationships and even intoxicate them.
A recent post by Fay Vietmeier captured my initial attention. Her post titled “Full-Cup Syndrome”. It is imagining that you may fill a full cup even if it has holes in it. The holes or the gaps are the generation gaps that emerged among the young over the last forty years or so.
This post made me ponder. I covered before the limiting barrel. No matter how tall a barrel is we can only fill it up to the shortest stave it has.
This post presents modification of the barrel. It is a metallic barrel. These barrels may be subject to the formation of holes for many reasons depending on the quality of the material used in making the barrel, what we fill the barrel with and the surrounding environment. If we fill the barrel with acidic materials such as acidic waters or put it in a hostile environment it shall undergo embrittlement leading to the formation of cracks and holes. No matter what is the capacity of the barrel it shall be limited by the lowest holes that ooze out the filling;
Imagine this scenario. New weds enter their new house. To her surprise the bride find a nice empty barrel just as she stepped inside.
-What is this barrel for? It is even empty
- Indeed as it is up to us to care for it by placing it in a friendly place and filling it with love, trust, understanding, empathy and care; else with fights, misunderstanding, cheating and lying
-our relations dictate what we fill the barrel with. Very true and let us stop cracks as soon as they appear.
- Right, and we need to remember the high cost of impaired relations.
-Well-said and the barrel shall puncture with many holes in it. The lower the holes are, the less the barrel shall have capacity to fill and it shall release hostile material with acidic taste. These acids-like feeling shall accelerate the embrittlement of the barrel and make it hold lesser and lesser.
Not only wife and husband as this scenario also apply to many other relations with others such as customers. What do we fill the barrel of relations with them will dictate the duration and nature of our relationships with them. Either it ends in corrosive acids that will harm everyone, or in sweet relations that keep the barrel safe from cracking and leaking toxic complaints on the internet.
Plants need six major nutrients to grow and stay alive. These are Nitrogen, Phosphorus, Potassium, Magnesium, Sulfur, and Calcium; For human relations the main six nutrients maybe trust, communication, joint goals and dreams, respect of authenticity, refrain from sour dialogues and creation of some joint interests.
It is easy to puncture the barrel of relations; it takes effort to keep the barrel safe, if leaky gaps develop, it shall not leak corrosive and acid-like sour experiences and memories.
What are your experiences? What punctured your barrel and exposed it to the embrittlement of sour relations?
I dedicate this post to the outstanding researcher and a considerate friend of mine Dr. Milos Djukic For his work on hydrogen embrittlement played a key inspiration for me to think of the barrel metaphor.
مقالات من Ali Anani
عرض المدونة
My previous post “Are Ideas Measurable?” generated hugely-important discussions that resulted in the ...
A better description of the unknown-unknown quadrant in the Johari Window came to my mind upon obser ...
It amazes me the life lessons we learn from nature. One great lesson is our tendency to “breathe ass ...
المتخصصون ذوو الصلة
Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris
Data Science/ A.I. / Cybersecurity professional
التكنولوجيا والإنترنت
Harvey Lloyd
A self-taught, entrepreneur with 30+ years of business ownership across a variety of industries. My success came against all odds and is indicative of my belief that an individual can become whomever ...
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
Leadership Coach & Master Storyteller
التعليم والتدريب
قد تكون مهتمًا بهذه الوظائف
-
debit accounts
تم العثور عليها في: DrJobEn JO A2 - منذ أسبوع
W Hotels Amman, الأردنCheck figures postings and documents for accuracy · Organize secure and maintain all files records cash and cash equivalents in accordance with policies and procedures Record store access and or analy ...
-
Junior Market Research Analyst Trainee Remote Position
تم العثور عليها في: DrJobEn JO A2 - منذ يومين
Brainnest Amman, الأردنOur team is looking for a Market Research Analyst Trainee to join them for Autumn 2021. This position is great for an aspiring market research professional looking to work on business-critical project ...
-
Business Intelligence Manage
تم العثور عليها في: DrJobEn JO A2 - منذ أسبوع
Amazon Amman, الأردنWriting data collection and processing procedures. · Ensuring that data is being correctly gathered, stored, and analyzed. · Reporting data findings to management. · Continually monitor data collectio ...
التعليقات
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #57
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #56
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #55
#56 Fay Vietmeier I am silenced
Fay Vietmeier
منذ 3 سنوات #54
Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee That "superb definition" of LOVE is in the Bible 1 Corinthians 13 Now for your definitions of the six nutrients- For human relations: mine “6 ingredients” would be: LOVE-Trust-Grace-Commitment-Fidelity-Humility I just wonder here dear spiritual mentor You ask: "where is the ingredient of spirituality.?" That is found in LOVE "God is LOVE" ... to know Him ... and know Him more ... is the faith journey that you call "spirituality"
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #53
Fay Vietmeier It is what you quoted from Harvey Lloyd comment about love that prompted me to publish today my post on The World in a Barrel Metaphor I built on this definition a good part of my post.
Fay Vietmeier
منذ 3 سنوات #52
Harvey Lloyd Harvey ~ Truly you are wise ... blessed are those who get to fly around with you ;~) your lovely wife being the closest ;~) Rich insight here: "In each we meet along our journey love is the process of supporting someones potential. My wife and i share a deep love of maximizing each others potential within the relationship. Outside our marriage we attempt to love others in a way that they find their own potential. The love is the same. Unfortunately "love" is something we hand out based on behaviors we encounter. We don't love the potential within the human, we love/hate the behavior. This behavioral measurement process is where the various definitions of love emanate. Negative behavior is the result of un-found wisdom. If i can see past the behavior and see potential, then the opportunity to share wisdom greatly increases." Love the doer ... hate the deed is a helpful guide. God sees our potential ... when we do not ... but then He is God ;~) What a grace to see the "potential" within another human being ... and nurture that potential if-as possible ... perhaps an add to "potential" ... so as to become your BEST you" ... ... for potential can go either way ;~)
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #51
Fay Vietmeier I don't find a better word to describe your comment than sagaciously. Raise the hole if you cam't eliminate it or fill it- I love this idea.You upgrade the barrel and maybe you raise the hole to a height that it becomes irrelevant. I find this idea as simple as it is deeply eloquent dear Fay. I enjoyed also your description of love. I wonder of you read the comment of Harvey Lloyd #44 . I also find this definition framed love as actions "“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud...". This is a superb definition of love. I published a post today and imagined that the whole of the world is canned in a barrel what would happen then, in which I quoted Harvey's definition of love. https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/the-world-in-a-barrel-metaphor Now for your definitions of the six nutrients- For human relations: mine “6 ingredients” would be: LOVE-Trust-Grace-Commitment-Fidelity-Humility I just wonder here dear spiritual mentor where is the ingredient of spirituality.
Jerry Fletcher
منذ 3 سنوات #50
Dr Ali, Enjoy.
Fay Vietmeier
منذ 3 سنوات #49
Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris It is such a good insight you make Zacharias: "self-knowledge... self-auditing" know thyself" as mentioned in my "full-cup" post If truth be told: at best, our ability to honestly self-assess is flawed ;~) "It is in the growing recognition of its own ego-based dysfunction. How we communicate has everything to do with our level of consciousness. No one can act beyond their level of consciousness." ~ Phil Johnson, C-Level Executive Coach Maturity of self ... this is a journey of self-discovery Having a great Compass is priceless ;~) Wishing blessings and good health .. be well ;~)
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #48
h Jerry. In few minutes I am eagerly I shall watch the video
Fay Vietmeier
منذ 3 سنوات #47
Jerry Fletcher
منذ 3 سنوات #46
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #45
Two gems: Love is about action, sacrificing ones needs for another's The bonding level love only comes from our sacrifice for another. This is lasting. Great thoughts here from Harvey Lloyd that merit the attention of readers.
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #44
If we truly think about our "habits" most can be traced back through time as a social construct that just happened. Not necessarily for a reason but just happened. In today's world with media at the speed of light, social constructs are created on the fly. At the individual and group levels. Diamonds are a girls best friend, Hallmark Card giving on every occasion, and many other constructs were placed in the human psych through "branding". Most importantly with these faster than light constructs, humans see themselves as less than or more than based on execution around the habit. If i dont give a diamond/card when marketing says is appropriate, my wife is less than, therefore making me less than. So goes love in the evolution of branding, it is being defined not as the verb but as the noun. Love is about action, sacrificing ones needs for another's. But i will have to say the dopamine release, when we follow the branding/social constructs is huge. It makes the human feel prideful, accomplished and successful. But like all dopamine releases it is no better than the next shot of chemicals. The bonding level love only comes from our sacrifice for another. This is lasting.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #43
Thank you dear Harvey Lloyd and even though your comment isn't addressed to me it made me smile. You reminded me of my post I Love You- What Does it Mean? https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/i-love-you-what-does-it-mean The discussions revealed that people don't see love as one and same thing. You say with a vert good reason that "The love is the same". The discussions on my my question in another post what is the opposite of love generated hundreds of different responses. It is amazing how we use same word for ages and yet we don't grasp its meaning. This is a paradox.
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #42
Love is a construct that has values associated with the term. In my comment i described "my" version of these values. Within a relationship that has potential for marriage, the values merge overtime. Stretching out to social versions of love the values are similar but different. Stretching even further into commercial enterprise where relationships develop under mutual benefit understandings, the term love has even different meanings. This is how humanity has stretched the meaning of love across many paradigms. I reject this notion that love has many definitions. In each we meet along our journey love is the process of supporting someones potential. My wife and i share a deep love of maximizing each others potential within the relationship. Outside our marriage we attempt to love others in a way that they find their own potential. The love is the same. Unfortunately "love" is something we hand out based on behaviors we encounter. We don't love the potential within the human, we love/hate the behavior. This behavioral measurement process is where the various definitions of love emanate. Negative behavior is the result of unfound wisdom. If i can see past the behavior and see potential, then the opportunity to share wisdom greatly increases.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #41
Thank you dear Fay Vietmeier Yes, I was asleep when you posted your comment. I used the barrel as a metaphor for many reasons including it has a wider capacity, the materials used in their manufacture vary, they have more option of materials to fill with. Basically, humans are bodies of water and we this water is filled with cells and organs of very similar properties for all humans. Our emotions and actions, intentions and assumptions fill a large part of this water.If the water is contaminated then our minds are too. WOW! An idea just crossed my mind.I am going to discuss it first in a short post. Have a great day.
Fay Vietmeier
منذ 3 سنوات #40
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #39
Truly amazing comment and timely comment Marisa Fonseca Diniz. I have just shared a post and added a comment< I share my comment here. sean johnson I am happy to have found your lovely post. I shared it with a comment. I just want to thank you here for your reminding me of my own post "The Cracking of Relationships" https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/the-cracking-of-relationships You inspired me if we are a barrel of glass and how we lose contact with our reality and opportunities that make us feel exactly what you describe ably "I felt the pain and all I desired was squashed into a million little pieces and thrown away". I shall surely add this idea in a future post. I am writing a following post on how irritating people may lead to the shuttering of the glassy barrel into million pieces. Your comment encourages me to write the follow up post. Thank you.
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
منذ 3 سنوات #38
I can see that Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee that says so much about you being humble.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #37
I am blushing. Thank you
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
منذ 3 سنوات #36
well everyone has to be reminded of the wisdom of your post
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
منذ 3 سنوات #35
Well it took some years to come to that maturity, but I am glad I reached that awareness level. Thank you Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #34
Thank you for your grand reshare of the post
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #33
Thank you and It is a sign of maturity to stary questioning your behaviors and attitudes before blaming others. I love this.
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
منذ 3 سنوات #32
Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.
منذ 3 سنوات #31
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #30
Thank you dear CityVP Manjit. On my way to read it.
CityVP Manjit
منذ 3 سنوات #29
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #28
You try to influence and not control. But, personalities differ. There are other people who do it aggressively and so trigger a fight or defend mechanism. You see the discussions are widening and new thoughts are filling the "barrel of discussion".
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #27
I try not to be to thorny as others visit my barrel, they may show me something i can not see. I only ask that while in my barrel we explore together with humility. Because what one may be sharing in my barrel as needing some repair, my find that it activates the teeth i was unaware existed. Oh that where my bite comes from. Unfortunately the observer may be drawn into something they were not willing to participate. Thanks for the mention and great thoughts here.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #26
Thank you for the clarification. I took notice of the proper use of the words.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #25
Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris
منذ 3 سنوات #24
The self-auditing I mentioned is I term I came across in another article recently here on beBee. Self-editing is a big different imo
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #23
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #22
What we keep in our barrel, through experience, has become sacred. We could establish that within my barrel my pragmatism is always looking for the shortest path to success. So i cut off any distractions that appear to stretch the A-B length. My bias is always you are lengthening the A-B distance and argue over the stretch and not the point. Confirming my bias of pragmatism. Pragmatism is how my personality and experiences have filled my barrel. The leaking of the barrel is a sign that gems were not present and the water that leaked was unsustainable under the current event. The water may have worked for years, but now in this new wisdom journey, if we can look past our own bias, we can understand that the water was great until the temperature reached 212 degrees F. We need a new gem to with stand higher temperatures. If we cant look past our bias then we will seek water to replace what steam took. Only to find out the temperature has not changed.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #21
Great and so a better analogy is replacing the content of a barrel. However; if the barrel leaks the re-filling issue becomes important. I must admit I don't see exactly where is the confirmation bias? I don't know the contents of the barrel; yet I wish to show how he refill with and only suggesting guidelines. I do appreciate your frankness.
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #20
One of the key points in personality traits goes along with your statement. Everyone's barrel is full of something. The barrel, once life begins/evolves, is never empty. The barrel having room in it to add stuff is not really reality. The barrel is always full we can only replace. This is where confirmation bias emanates from within your metaphor. Humans don't like monkeying around with their barrel contents. They defend the bias within their barrel because changing it would be painful. The first step to wisdom is understanding that your barrel is already full. The second is knowing that what your barrel is full of aint perfect. The third, listening to others (diversity) and knowing they have something in their barrel that i need. This is described in the legendary story of the truck stuck under the low bridge. Many engineers were devising plans to cut, raise or alter the physical properties of the truck/bridge to get it out. A little boy, on his bike, rides up and states, let the air out of the truck tires.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #19
One gem idea for me and ia my take away from your comment is how to make sure we fill the barrel with what.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #18
Great thoughts and will surely consider them in great details. Yes, in variety we have more possibilities. I am referring here to variety of personal traits.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #17
I did respond to your comment on Fay Vietmeier post. You highlight your comment here with more details and examples, which serve the purpose of writing this post. Yes, I agree as cultures of blame serves no one. Maybe somebody instead of cleaning the milk before it gets rotten think of a new way of sponging the milk, of making use of spilled milk, others may think of ways to make the milk solidify to an easy-to-remove blob. Blame will only shut doors and possibilities. Intentions also have a role. Doing the fault analyses for the sake of learning on how to prevent future spillages is different from pointing fingers, threats and accusations. By the way your comment is a gem. If it gets loose I shall run away with it
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #16
In the physical world the mathematical probabilities of the 2nd law of thermal dynamics is always present. In a few billion years the law will exact its toll on our sun. But these are open ended questions. Your post discusses relationships that are closed ended. The gem in the barrel creates a bond in both barrels that is not easily broken in fire. If we have water in the barrel then the fire or holes will drain quickly from the relationship. With gems in the barrel we grow through the fault lines you inquire about. The fault lines of decomposition become challenges within the ant-fragile nature of relationships because the gems can support the gap. Water can not.
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #15
I believe the master is quite humble here. Thank you for your thoughts. In comment 12 we speak to gems in the barrel. Our personalities somewhat dictate the level of risk to each gem creation, in relationships. Given an event i am usually very pragmatic, facts, schedules and actions. This is cold to my more feeling team mates. The one gem that brings risk to me is patience. This gem comes hard to build into my relationships as pragmatism is a focused trait on minimum information to "physically" get past a barrier. Although the risk is high, it is not insurmountable. My feeler friends also have the same risk as they tend to have way to much patience, this is their risk in making timely decisions. Personality traits describe what we do naturally and what cuts against our grain. This is why we need the attributes (gems) discussed earlier. My pragmatism unchecked would be disastrous. It would be efficient but not effective. I need the diversity that other traits have. So i must store in my barrel the gems of success described earlier.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #14
You did make me SMILE dear Harvey Lloyd. I dedicated this post to our friend Milos Djukic for the idea of embrittlement *cracking) just jumped in my mind because of the excellent research he is doing on hydrogen embrittlement. I said the above because I wanted to relate the metaphor to something that we experience in life. The type of material used in making the barrel, the environment and what we fill the barrel with. Now, you add a new idea, What if the gem inside the barrel inn't affected by the quality of barrel? My initial thoughts go in two different directions. Is the material prone to defects? Surprisingly, there are few materials that wouldn't be. The extent of deterioration varies,but very few are immune from it. Second, what if the material decomposes and voids fluid that flow out through the holes? How do we know that somebody (a hacker-like) will not add something harmful inside the barrel?Third, if the barrel is filled with liquids rather than solids? You stretched my mind my friend. I invite Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris to read your lovely comment.
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #13
Harvey Lloyd
منذ 3 سنوات #12
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #11
I also think of adding some link to personality traits and what is their major barrel type? Unfortunately,I am not an authority in this area. I am still learning from Harvey Lloyd
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #10
Great and that is a deal
Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris
منذ 3 سنوات #9
That's great. In fact, I was thinking the same. Right now I'm in the process of doing the primary revisions of my latest technical book. Once I'm done, I'll be in touch. Hopefully, by then the connectivity won't be an issue. Cheers!
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #8
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #7
Great and you know why I suggested this. It could be the e-book my friend.I think it would fill a huge void in understanding the dynamics of business. I also love your suggested KPIs. The y are to the point. Waiting to hear from you about the e-book idea dear Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris
Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris
منذ 3 سنوات #6
That's a great idea! Also, we can scale it up to explore how an organization (e.g. a company) can be assessed using this mental model. What are its key barrel holes (liabilities, unreliable employees, risky investments, fruitless partnerships, etc.) that deprive it of success? The latter can be measured through a KPI of choice or a combination of metrics. Do you think many people would be interested in this sort of analysis? Can such a model be used as an interface to a more technical analysis of the organization, making it more comprehensible? Something to consider. Cheers
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #5
Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris Based on your comment that if we imagine everyone of us self as a barrel with holes then the holes determine our capacity to learn, understand, build healthy relations with others and grow. So, the questions to ask when performing self-audit is what holes are what voids are present in my barrel> How to fill them? What caused them? Is my barrel in the right environment? What material is my barrel made of? How sustainable is this material to the souring environment? How to stop the formation of more punctures in my barrel? I believe this metaphor may guide our efforts towards self-identification and to be genuinely authentic.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #4
Fay Vietmeier- you are mentioned in this comment.
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #3
First I hope you are doing well my good partner Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris I love your idea and even though knowing self is a difficult task we must do self-audit to know where we stand and fill the gaps within us. Great point and I thank you for the appreciation you expressed in your comment. I am glad because I spent the night writing this post.
Zacharias 🐝 Voulgaris
منذ 3 سنوات #2
Ali Anani
منذ 3 سنوات #1