To be right you have to have someone to say you are wrong

To be right you have to have someone to say you are wrong

If you wait to write a buzz that everybody would agree with you then you shall never write one. However; not all differing comments shall be of the same level or category. Some comments will invoke new ideas, expand on the original idea, offer new direction and possibilities and correct the author. Other comments are only like stains on a wedding grown- they make the bride (author) feel infuriated, embarrassed and shall only distract the readers from the focal points of discussions. These comments are also like walking in a garden of flowers that nourish us with its fragrance till and all of a sudden a pungent odor overwhelms the fragrance and all attention focuses now on escaping from this odor.

This issue isn't limited only to comments as much as it pertains to all negative actions as well. Do we run away from them? Or, is it better to confront them? Or, is it best to remove these stains as we remove stains of lipstick on a bride's gown? Or, is it better to "dilute" these stains? These questions are extensible to many real situations in life and answering them would be of help to all of us.

I need first to reemphasize that we need comments that are in disapproval of our own. ! According to Eckhart Tolle: "...for you to be right...you need someone else to be wrong in order to get a stronger sense of who you are".

My use of the word stains reminds me of stains on clothes. Not all stains are the same. It is central to ascertain what they consist of. Is it a wine spill, chocolate, blood or lipstick? Oily stains don't dissolve in water and using "watery words" to remove oily comments will make the stains worse. In these cases it is hugely important to know what not to do before knowing what to do. The last thing you want is to spread the oil. You need an oily detergent to remove the sticky oily stains. ! When you publish make sure you have a "buzz detergent" to remove dirty comments that spoils the "buzz pride (bride). The pride of the bride is in having a clean gown and free of any on stains on it.

In order to remove oily stains you need a towel to move the stain towards it. After you apply a drop of the detergent to the stain you need to move a damp towel in an upward and downward motion and away from the stain. This is to prevent the formation of a ring from setting. Your wrong movement to face stained actions may form a "ring" around you. You don't want this to happen.

You know the "fabric" of your buzz or whatever action you do. Like polyester is easy to wash and remove stains. It is better to clean it with hand-washing rather than in the laundry. The solvents used in laundry are not good in removing food stains. If you don't know your fabric then you may fail in washing away the stains from some authors who give you "food for thought" only to find out that others can't remove them for you. You need to do it with your "own hands" sometimes.

Some comments are like a bride wounding her and a drop of blood spilling on her gown. Do you know what is the best way o removing the blood spot? Some people cover the wound by a layer of toothpaste to stop the bleeding. But there is a better way to do this. The optimal way is to apply saliva on it with a dampened tip. The enzymes in the spit will break down the stain and then just to dry it. If you feel "wounded" by an arrogant action then simply "spit" on the wound and leave it to decompose on its own.

Some people are deeply immersed in their negativity such that they lost their sense to smell their produced pungent smells. Even when they walk in a fragrant field of flowers they fail to smell its fragrance. Their avoidance and negligence may be the best way to deal with them.
Ali Anani, PhD

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Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#95
this is exactly my position NOW Joyce \ud83d\udc1d Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee. We are better spend our energies on construtive interactions.

Joyce ๐Ÿ Bowen Brand Ambassador @ beBee

Ahhh yes. I often just walk away from an angry prick. (oops) Someone who is oily or bloody often has issues of his/her own which attempt to "bleed" over into the lives of others. I have no time to psychoanalyze these ******. I just move on and take an occasional peek backwards.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#93
I matured more to your comment . My response to a buzz agsinst me was pairing the negativity with positivity. Therefore I shared the buzz and liked it as well.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#91
As much as I agree with you Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher I am glad that I did. This experience uncovered the great passion of other bees to stand against ill-behaviors. Besides, it lead me to write my last three buzzes that attracted more than 300 comments. I wrote a presentation on Stupidity Spawns Creativity and this was the case. However; I don't belive I would do the same again and just ignore and keep on my way should this happen again.

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

3 years ago #77

#90
First, Im sorry that happened. It has happened to me before and I responded politely because I was bewildered. I then became defensive and that just causes more internal frustration. Ive learened that some people enjoy picking others apart, does it make them feel superior, I dont know. I try my best to ignore people who are intentionality cruel now. They are not worth your precious time, not deserving of a response. No response in cases like that are best.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#89
Exclusion is better than feeling inside as a sheep. If we don't stand by our believes we become sheep and cheap. I agree all the way with you Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher. If you know that I read only one of your buzzes and I write a comment stating "Your posts are vacuous and empty of any meaning, what would you do? This is exactly what I experienced and I meant my question to address this issue. To ignore, to respond or what?

Lisa Gallagher

Lisa Gallagher

3 years ago #75

Hi Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, you asked if we should run from negative comments or confront them? I think it depends on the situation. For example, I listened to negative comments about a few co-workers from my superiors. I tried to ignore the comments because I was new and didn't want to get on the wrong side of my boss and a few others. At some point, I had to make a choice; that choice was to either stand up for what was right or pretend to be a sheep. Maybe if a person pretends to be a sheep, eventually they become one? I began to speak out and I must say, that was the beginning of my ostracizing! It began slow but it was methodical. In the end, I had to leave - I can't work with people who only care about themselves. I can't work with gossipy, unhappy people. Before I left, 2 others did. Since I left 3 yrs ago, 7-8 more people have left as well.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I want to thank you Lada \ud83c\udfe1 Prkic for sharing the buzz. I understand your points fully. This buzz led to some interesting discussion, which are summed up (in part) in my buzz of today on "visual flows of ideas". The energy consumed in writing constructive comments may bring to fruition the tree of discussions.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I summarized the key points in the discussions here and on my previous buzz in a new buzz "Visual Flow of Ideas" https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/visual-flow-of-ideas I hope I succeeded in my mission.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #72

#84
As I let your words absorb CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit, I cannot help but juxtapose those images I've been tied to far too long of Hurricane Irma. I totally understand when you say 'we are immersed in information 24/7'; both the healthy and the unhealthy aspects of how live live now in the first world. You bring us a reminder of our frailty amongst all the 'trophies' we think we have, but we are mere flesh; we wound, we hurt. That's what I understand from you and I am humbled. Thank you!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#84
You always add a new layer to the discussion. Yes., your reference to stain s in our behaviors that resulted in repeating dark ages. If we aspire to reach he golden age we must clean our staining beliefs, thoughts, actions and intentions. We must be clean of internal stains that make us see the world as dark and deprive us from enjoying nature and its miracles to learn from and advance. I wish you CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit a safe journey to the golden age. I know that obstacles shall not deter you.

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

3 years ago #70

In the history of humanity there have been more dark ages than there have been golden ages. So rare are golden ages that some scholars doubt whether the golden age we may cite was indeed a golden age or our mythical view of a golden age. What is fundamentally different about our century is that we are immersed in information 24/7 and those born to this century, accompany a new form of history, which is a fully recorded life. As virtual reality comes into being we will see the next generation be able to save a 3-dimensional history. There is no question that we are not removed from the effects of the dark ages or that we are close to the kind of golden age that is realized through elevation of what it is we call our humanity and rising tide of education that is full bodied i.e. not simply prescription to an age of reason but reason that is a part of an age of life. So now I can talk about stains and as a human being I am skin and bone, rather than cloth. I may bare the scars of physical injury if my life was exposed to physical damage or I may carry mental injury if my life was exposed to dark aged mentalities. So when it comes to stains that can be removed, we engage in the modern convenience of washing. That is if we happen to live in a part of the world where utilities are fully functioning. We have not reached an age of clean energy, abundant fresh water supply or livable cities - but we are getting there. The cleansing of our spirit encompasses the state of being of our time, and the recognition that dark age minds continue the past, but the possibilities of a golden age, that is the hope we harbor. How we wash ourselves of stains depends on how fortunate our own living space is. There are darker places on Earth than ours. In this I count my blessings as I seek a pathway to a golden age.

CityVP Manjit

CityVP Manjit

3 years ago #69

In the history of humanity there have been more dark ages than there have been golden ages. So rare are golden ages that some scholars doubt whether the golden age we may cite was indeed a golden age or our mythical view of a golden age. What is fundamentally different about our century is that we are immersed in information 24/7 and those born to this century, accompany a new form of history, which is a fully recorded life. As virtual reality comes into being we will see the next generation be able to save a 3-dimensional history. There is no question that we are not removed from the effects of the dark ages or that we are close to the kind of golden age that is realized through elevation of what it is we call our humanity and rising tide of education that is full bodied i.e. not simply prescription to an age of reason but reason that is a part of an age of life. So now I can talk about stains and as a human being I am skin and bone, rather than cloth. I may bare the scars of physical injury if my life was exposed to physical damage or I may carry mental injury if my life was exposed to dark aged mentalities. So when it comes to stains that can be removed, we engage in the modern convenience of washing. That is if we happen to live in a part of the world where utilities are fully functioning. We have not reached an age of clean energy, abundant fresh water supply or livable cities - but we are getting there. The cleansing of our spirit encompasses the state of being of our time, and the recognition that dark age minds continue the past, but the possibilities of a golden age, that is the hope we harbor. How we wash ourselves of stains depends on how fortunate or own living space is. There are darker places on Earth than ours. In this I count my blessings as I seek a pathway to a golden age.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #68

#81
Oh, forgive my comment then Ian Weinberg; as you will know of the content, I'm confused at your question? That said, I do not include myself with those here that are working towards fruitful resolution - I'm far too distracted today because my family is in the way of Irma. But I do want to be clear to you, with the greatest respect, that there is no advantage in reopening wounds. As an eminent Neurosurgeon, I'm sure you understand. Kind regards

Ian Weinberg

Ian Weinberg

3 years ago #67

#79
Apologies Lisa Vanderburg I would not wish to intrude upon or retard the great progress being made in this regard by 'clear thinking minds'. Of relevance is the fact that I have indeed read the articles in question and all related comments.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#79
I opted not to respond to the question about grievance because I am more interested in the ideas those discussion have generated. I want to be proactive as Harvey Lloyd for give me the space to explain and to keep moving forward.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #65

#74
Ian Weinberg last two posts here, if you want the answer to 'But for my clarification I wish to ask what the specific grievance is?' It would not serve to re-hash that here and now, where great progress is being made by clear-thinking minds. Many thanks...just IMHO! :)

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #64

#58
To all you wisdom Harvey Lloyd, I tip my hat, Sir! Still trying to work out your XY grid thing #66, but that just shows the limit of my intelligence :) I am remiss and distracted with a million messages to my son & family & extended in FLA (that you for your good wishes Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee & anyone else I missed). Seems to me you are all evolving a better was of practice to this platform....you should get a bleedin' knight-hood as far as I'm concerned! :)

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#75
My response to the comment of Ian Weinberg. Do you agree?

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#74
You are a wise man Ian Weinberg to write "I take issue with your content and approach. I perceive no value contribution from you in this context and respectfully request that you disengage". I applied almost the same approach. I don't dispute it in any way. You add in your comment "But we cannot change others or their values - we engage, attempt non judgemental dialogue in order to gain value from the interaction and contribute our value-add". Again, I don't dispute this either and I am in deep appreciation of it. This is exactly what we are experiencing here with so many new ideas emerging. I assure you I can write a book on those new ideas and shall soon review them in a buzz. The positivity with which commentors tackled the initial issue made all of us better and enriched with new ideas as are exemplified in the last few comments on this buzz. Sometimes the topic might be of little importance for some readers, but the comments branch out into new thinking. Creativity after all is to create a butterfly effects from small issues and create significant new possibilities.

Ian Weinberg

Ian Weinberg

3 years ago #61

I enter this discussion quite late in its progression. I note offended and wounded souls with consoling others. There are also those contributing valid wisdom. But for my clarification I wish to ask what the specific grievance is? In the course of daily life we experience challenges, some unjustified. And then depending on our own integration, we either respond reflexly in kind, to the challenge and thus become no better than it. Or worse, we become inadequate and lose precious self-esteem. But if previous challenges along the life path have modified our narratives through reasoning and greater self-awareness and awareness of others and the environment, then we initially fall back on the 'gap' and reason again. The drive is always about enhancing personal integration as well as that of others. But we cannot change others or their values - we engage, attempt non judgemental dialogue in order to gain value from the interaction and contribute our value-add. But if the engagement is deemed unproductive, destructive to personal and collective value, then one has the prerogative of discontinuing the interaction with a simple "I take issue with your content and approach. I perceive no value contribution from you in this context and respectfully request that you disengage". If you feel stronger about the challenge, you can consider an approach which I took a year ago against a real troll on LI - "I believe that you, the content of your comment and your approach are inappropriate and invalid" I followed this up with a detailed analysis of his short-comings. He consequently deleted all his comments off my article and never commented again. Interestingly that engagement was a great learning experience for me - much value was derived!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#71
I add my wishes to yours Lisa Vanderburg. I would really appreciate your response to the comment of Harvey Lloyd #66

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #59

#68
"Being a bit of a bull-dog myself" i have all to often woke up with the wrong derriere within my bite. Didn't stop me from being a bulldog but did help assign appropriate targeting data prior to the bite. I have enjoyed the discussion immensely.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#66
Harvey Lloyd- your comment brings another idea for me to ponder on. It is combining the DISC Profile with the Risk Profile or the purpose -risk profile as you suggested. Here I can see new possibilities in front of my eyes. Again, finding a way to relate to the Blue Ocean Strategy four blocks new possibilities emerge. I welcome these discussions because they went up the expectation line of these discussions. The discussions are helping us to form new ideas, concepts, approaches and even theories. I am still brewing on your idea and I am sure more ideas shall emerge. Merging of ideas = Emergence of new life

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#68
We are on the same wavelength Lisa Vanderburg. I am again contemplating on the power of good intentions and great purposes acting together.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #56

#35
#42 #44 Sara Jacobovici quotes, "those who keep silent and not defend rights are silent devils". And I'm no where near caught up.... I confess to being a bit of a pitbull when it comes to bullies, and I will defend those in the right (in this case, the buzz-ee). I acknowledge that can be a good or bad thing; knowing when to stop is key. That said, I agree that we've identified through your comments and others that 'fence-sitting' is not the same as passivity; it's just not wanting to get involved. IMHO, the upshot of fence-sitting is at all our cost; a diminished product; this platform. As I said, I haven't caught up yet, but I want to end with a positive note; all the comments hear are adding to a real discussion on a positive way forward - that's so very encouraging - I'm grateful!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#66
Accept your apology for what dear Harvey Lloyd? For being so constructive and thought- producing gentleman? You have been an active commentor and you enriched our discussions with great ideas. The proof is in your comment. This is a great idea and you bring the issue of "purpose-tolerance deviation". I am going to draw the graph and ponder on it. You have an authentic idea and this is again a point to highlight. If it wasn't for our purposeful discussions would this idea of yours have emerged? Purpose + good intentions open new doors for all of us. The discussions on this buzz have been so illuminating. The intent in all comments have been healthy and I can see now more than ever the synergism between purpose and intent and what they can produce.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #54

#64
I agree and accept my apologies for i was not diminishing one conversation over another, but rather looking to broaden the discussion by exploring when is the right wrong discussion appropriate vs not loosing sight of the original purpose. My example was at the extreme other end. Could we possibly place a XY grid in play. The Y axis would be zero at the bottom one hundred at the top. The same would be for the X axis from left to right. The Y axis would be the risk assessed/influence required. The X axis would be communication/discernment. If we drew a perfect 45 degree line from the corner we would see the perfection of communications in the specified (weighted) risk environment. Nothing travels in a straight line. The goal would be to establish where our plots hit in comparison to the 45 degree line. Given this visual we would be able to delineate where purpose is more important than right and wrong. It would also allow us to visualize plots of various participants. Given this "plot of purpose" with several individuals we can now apply our DiSC profile and our understandings of other profiles to discern and communicate with more or less influence, depending on need. With this visual i would postulate, given the purpose and the assigned risk, we could then identify which of the blue wave principals to use. Including ignore. Great discussion as always. All discussions are fruitful and i enjoy ours as we look at humanity in an effort to strength the community we find ourselves.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Edward Lewellen We would love sharing your thoughts here

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#59
Fruitful discussions may lead to new opportunities that good leaders should be aware to them. I find the same happening more often than not Harvey Lloyd. Any purposeful meeting may produce offshoots that may warrant our attention. The timing is important here. We may not discuss in detail new ideas, but we must document them for a dedicated meeting. We never know what path discussions shall lead us, but we know constructive discussions shall exceed our expectations and give birth of new possibilities and ideas.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#62
I take this opportunity to wish your family safety dear Lisa Vanderburg. To participate and comment while going through difficult times is an undeniable proof of the seriousness of the issues here, Thank you

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #50

#42
And therein lies the rub Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich: 'when someone is in the mode of repeatedly and belligerently seeking attention on social media, most people will then check out of the discussion.' These types poison the buzz, negating the essence and effectively blocking out other commenters. I have so much to say and so many to respond to...especially your points, that identify so very clearly that we need to use Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee buzz to resolve this, right here and now. Looks like everyone is in agreement to find a mode of conduct. Alas, I'm glued to CNN as my beloveds are all in danger. I'll pick this up later offer thanks to those commenters that have shown ration and courageous hearts to a pivotal point in Bebee's journey. Thanks Deb, you're a love!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#60
Ia m still digesting the depth of your previous two comments Harvey Lloyd. I have no difference with you at all that to align people up you must have a purpose. I am a strong advocate of this principle. We may deviate from main purpose sometimes and I concur. The purpose for me in writing this buzz is how best to keep our discussions purposeful? The discussions led to some great ideas such as modified DISC Profiles, Risk Management on social platforms and more. These "off-shoots" are worthy and deserve our attention. But do they serve the purpose I intended? Surely they do because we are more alert to communication and its role in fostering our weakening our conduct and what we write. We are more alert on the different possibilities to mitigate risky behaviors or comments that may drift us away from our purpose. We need to understand the behavior profile deeper to better our communication. You have enriched yourself these discussions with some of the previous ideas. I can't be but extremely thankful to you my friend.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #48

Communications without purpose is merely noise. We cant discuss right and wrong without first establishing a purpose. We can discuss the finer points within the philosophical realm but until we add the risk profile and purpose it will remain in that realm. My comments concerning there is no right and wrong revolve around this ideal. Your original post concerning reviewing things backwards can expose us to new adventures, paraphrasing hard here, is the purpose. Regarding the extension of the great discussion, we have taken a path of right and wrong, and now have left the purpose behind. We have ventured into the philosophical no mans lands. Not to dismiss this discussion and its relevance, but when we look at the original discussion and its virtues, it stopped. In my business life i have recognized this detour in success as detrimental to my wallet. Here we can discuss these finer things of humanity. In my business meetings and corporate strategy sessions i cant afford these diversions. We don't discuss right and wrong. We discuss options and actions in meeting the goal we establish as a team. I will grant folks a limited amount of rope in pursuit of right and wrong, only to the extent it serves the purpose/goal. The right wrong discussion deals with the proverbial spiller of the milk. leaders deal with getting the milk off the floor. Should we task ourselves with the spiller then the milk will remain on the floor, spoiling, drawing flies and only increasing our risk profile. Moral fundamentals being understood and accepted as common practice.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #47

Many comments on the subject that has traveled from extremes and through the risk analyses process. If i could set a stage that would be a little more on point for me it would be; Your department resided over a project that has now produced a risk profile that has caught the bosses attention. Within the departmental meeting the boss expresses that action is required to get the project back on track. The team determines that the area of support needed is marketing. The marketing department seeing an opportunity to grow, shine and impress the boss, states that they can save the project. Are they ketchupers? Over zealous leaders? Against you personally? Are they really wanting to support your department and serve you? (As they have been in your seat themselves.) Its not so much the answer to the question as it is that i find lots of folks always ask the same question in every event, through their actions. This is where the true risk lies. We interpret signals based on our own paradigm instead of considering the paradigm of the marketing department before we act. With just a little humble communication we can expose their intentions. If we act from the "asked and answered" within our paradigm, are you a ketchuper then we have reflected poorly if the were really trying to help. This is the gap that Victor Frankl discusses, between stimulus and response. "It is best to remain silent and appear the fool, than open ones mouth and remove all doubt" (Not my quote). This setting in the meeting presents high profile and high risk. Leaders love these settings. They have worked out their own paradigm to understand communications is merely purpose with guidance or no purpose with positioning. They can handle both within a setting.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #46

#27
I believe we have a apple or oranges thing happening. An egregious act must be dealt with and in dealing with it we have choices. A post, a wedding, a backyard social event never starts out with thoughts of the ketchuper. We don't invite this nor do we instigate its arrival. But yet here it is. Your example is somewhat extreme from the perspective in presenting my thoughts. I am focused on the subtle communications between humans where many communication barriers may exist that we don't understand. Specifically those subtle communications whereby lead to strong decisions. If is see a hamburger and a ketchuper shows up it appears natural. When i see peanut butter and jelly then ketchup looks out of place, or does it? I state that humans are mere explorers of an environment and "sum up", from their senses, potential intentions/outcomes. Our senses are subjective within our narrative. Philosophically we can discuss this from now till the cows come home. But in the end we as humans face daily subtle communications that we interpret and act. Choices that impact our lives and others. There are two styles of ketchupers. Intentional and misunderstood. How i choose to engage the ketchuper will influence outcomes. The misunderstood requires me to show humility and seek understanding, not agreement. The intentional is one that will reveal their selves without me engaging. You can see that if we flip flop our actions we can fuel the flames. All of this is only aligned with a purpose. In your example the purpose is the wedding. Without purpose then the actions and the ketchuper are mere folly. Thanks Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich and i agree that egregious acts these days must be met.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#52
I may add my voice to yours Sara Jacobovici. It is the impact part that is difficult to estimate because it can only be known to a higher level if someone raises his/her voice and then we observe the reactions. Abiding by the basic rules of relevant and constructive writing that is devoid of personal attacks is a great way to deal with an issue at an early phase.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#51
Great point and relevant to the risk of writing on social media. I thank you for your great elaboration Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee to implement it. This way also he relieves himself from being handicapped to manage all risks. Sometimes facts appear post to action. For example, the conflict that I faced turned out to be on a much greater magnitude than I ever expected because of the private messages that I received in support and in expressing personal experiences similar to mine as well. Therefore, the idea of risk mitigation is worthy and we may apply different "levels" of mitigation.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#50
Thank you for reminding us of the basics that some of us tend to forget. You are a wise man Glenn Melcher

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

3 years ago #42

#53
Agreed . Responsible individuals form a responsible community.

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

3 years ago #41

#51
Appreciate you bringing me into this very important discussion . My gut says there are 2 issues being raised right now; risk and community. I'll start with community first. The mention of a "time-honored concept of a "council of elders" is one possibility (for elders in current context read "Bebee Ambassadors")" reflects that we are in a community which experiences all the dynamics of any community which is formed. Having an identified body that will ensure a minimum of safety can make the difference between a thriving community and one that will fall apart and fade away. With safety comes the discussion of risk. I would like to suggest that once we can identify what kind of infrastructure the community has, the onus is on each and everyone of us to determine whether or not we take the risks involved in engaging within this community. The engagement is subjective and how we measure the impact is based on our individual experiences. Having said that, when boundaries cross, as in any community, we have options at our disposal. If an individual's behavior has actually created a damage related to, for example, defamation of character, we can pursue the matter as we would in any community. I'm glad this discussion is happening openly and respectfully. In this way, we can actually hope to see a difference taking place.

Glenn Melcher

Glenn Melcher

3 years ago #40

Simply because You are right doesn't dictate that someone must be made to feel bad as a result of being wrong.. It may be that they don't have complete information.. I like to give "People" the Benefit of the Doubt.. You will never have another chance at being Kind. However if You are Kind You may have another shot at being correct.. To remember that folks may not remember exactly what was said but will always remember how they were made to feel.. Kind Regards, Glenn Melcher

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

3 years ago #39

#43
Great link Yolanda \u00c1vila M\u00e1rquez. Thanks for sharing. Very relvant to this discussion.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#47
Yes I agree Zacharias \ud83d\udc1d Voulgaris Seeing only the "right" side isn't revealing the truth without seeing the "wrong" side of it. The light of "rightness" is more appreciated against a dark background.

Zacharias ๐Ÿ Voulgaris

Right and wrong are oftentimes a matter of perspective. As long as a post is truthful and "relevant" to this platform, it is bound to get bees' approval. Besides, what is now considered wrong may be in the future considered right and vice versa. However, if something is truly truthful, it is bound to remain as such for a long long time.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#43
This is a great link that we all should adhere by. I like also the consequence of questions as suggested in your link Yolanda \u00c1vila M\u00e1rquez. These are: Before you answer a question or voice your opinion, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it good? Is it kind? Is it useful? Is it necessary? Great and engaging idea

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#42
Part 2/ I wish to add a new dimension and may help in resolving the paradox I mentioned earlier. Repellent comments are a form of risk for all of us. As in risk charts we need to estimate the impact and frequency of a risk. The problem here with negative commentors is their frequency to injure" others. The frequency is high. Now, the impact as to the degree of damage they cause. What you are saying in your comment is that when the damage is high we shall always be harmed. What Sara Jacobovici and Harvey Lloyd are saying ignore it as long as the impact is low. So, you have a valid and important point that using the filter of ignoring them is not possible and I say if the impact is high. High impact x high frequency needs not a filter, but declaring a state of emergency. I hope I succeeded in finding a resolution to the paradox.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I couldn't post the comment in one part. So, here is Part ! #42 We have a proverb in Arabic which states "those who keep silent and not defend rights are silent devils". Because I don't wish to be one I wrote my last three buzzes to defend these rights. Though, I must admit Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrichy available filter". This is exactly the reason why I published my recent buzzes. As Harvey Lloyd meis comments also the best thing to do is to ignore such comments and be proactive. But you raise the issue how can we move forward when our feet are tied up with such negative impacts?

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#38
I hope the two ladies in alphabetical order Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich would continue their dialogue. I know great ideas shall merge.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#37
I know that when you comment at some length isn't your habit (I hope I am right) Yolanda \u00c1vila M\u00e1rquez. That you did here means is the issue has some seriousness. You share a great point that in her comment #34. You wrote "Rather, stick to the facts and don't write anything that you wouldn't say to the person face to face. Just my humble opinion". I wish wwe all would stick to this simple rule. I agree completely with the rest of your comment. We need to abide by the "simple rules of the road". Interestingly, in one comment on my previous buzz I mentioned that there are no winners in road accidents. If we don't follow the simple rule of the road we are bound to have accidents. Why then we allow them on roads, but less so on social platforms. I appreciate your wisdom.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#35
Thank you dear Sara Jacobovici not only for your compliments, but also for introducing the idea of filter. Filtering is within our control. I fully endorse this idea. One reason that prompted me to write this buzz is the private messages that I received venting out their concern about distracting comments. I only realized the harm these comments do till I received these messages from notable authors. The issue started during your absence upon receiving a comment on LI that my buzzes are vacuous and are waste of time. The person who wrote this comment admitted that he read only this buzz of all my buzzes. I responded and then the discussion diverged and took different paths. I found it necessary to voice out my opinion. If somebody says that a buzz is devoid of any value then he must have an explanation. Throwing comments like this intoxicate the discussions. However; many people found a breathing space to vent out their bitterness with similar comments. I am willing to accept differences, but unwilling to accept offending ones. You and I are an example. We differed, but we never lost respect for each other. We influenced each other. We learnt and we appreciated our differences. Maturity is in expressing differences in a constructive way that serves. I appreciate greatly your kind words and I am not less than you in finding our exchange of comments as a learning experience. With all respect to you.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #30

#27
Darling and sage is Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich - I applaud your comment! Furthermore, I applaud your intuition and sheer 'stones' to dignify us with your comment! There has altogether been too much flagellation/self-impaling going on here of late; the peon that I am does not negate me from seeing that much. I am humbled to see you opine to that, because we NEED it! Funnily enough, I have been basically on CNN all day - my kids and other family are there; they moved, mercifully. But I agree with your view. We NEED the females NOT to back down; the difference in our sexes is for good purpose! We should rise above 'result' and stick to our guns (so to speak), but it MUST be done with etiquette! Thanks sweet friend, for your sage words...yet to read the rest...my mind is on Pete and on Irma....

David B. Grinberg

David B. Grinberg

3 years ago #29

Thanks for more excellent advice, Ali. It's diversity of thought and opinion which is critically important to any social media platform or publishing site. However, it's also important that user express constructive criticism in a civil manner to foster and open dialogue. Don't engage in personal attacks, which only diminish the personal brand image of the commentor as well as any counter points that person attempts to make. These should be "rules of the road" to guide anyone making comments on any content. Moreover, when appropriate, I recommend first pointing out any areas of agreement or offering any sincere praise before criticism. Finally, always remember that one's comments directly reflects on that individual and their personal brand image -- which is why it makes no sense to "shoot oneself in the foot" by engaging in ad hominem attacks. Rather, stick to the facts and don't write anything that you wouldn't say to the person face to face. Just my humble opinion.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#34
Under th caps, some people hide their intentions. I agree with you entirely, Yolanda.

Sara Jacobovici

Sara Jacobovici

3 years ago #27

I respect you taking the time to elaborate and communicate the impact of a thoughtless behavior Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. But unfortunately, the attention given to this behavior is the reason the person acted out the behavior; to bring attention to him or herself and to distract from the discussion at hand. Your posts, Dr. Ali, are presented at a very high level of professional standard; you write in a respectful manner and offer your unique perspective to the subject at hand. You inspire and teach. You encourage thoughtful and dynamic engagement, including disagreements. I, who have learned tremendously from your writings, have always felt that I could express a disagreement within the spirit of learning and professional growth that your work invites. When we are in a community as large as this, we can not expect to have control over who contaminates the water source of engagement; we can only control how we respond. In this case, let's make sure we have a filter in place that can prevent the contamination.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#32
Selfishness is "I is a way of trying to assert the right for attention, no matter the destruction it causes". I believe you have introduced an eloquent definition of selfishness Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#27
I believe Harvey Lloyd is more concerned with responding to this super comment. However, @Deb ๐Ÿ Helfrich- you remind me of a person who goes to any gathering nd addresses the group "only if you would understand". He is the only one who understands. In one gathering lately he had a discussion with a mechanical engineer about car maintenance. This man addressed him in a high voice "only if you would understand car mechanics". The engineer responded "I am a mechanical engineer- what do you mean"? I mean if you and he repeated the same words. So, the engineer asked him what did you study? the response was I have a bachelor degree in arts. This is another type of squirters who intentionally and selfishly take any discussion out of its track.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#27
I believe Harvey Lloydis more concerned with responding too this super comment. However, Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich- you remind me of a person who goes to any gathering nd addresses the group "only if you would understand". He is the only one who understands. In one gathering lately he had a discussion with a mechanical engineer about car maintenance. This man addressed him in a high voice "only if you would understand car mechanics". The engineer responded "I am a mechanical engineer- what do you mean"? I mean if you and he repeated the same words. So, the engineer asked him what did you study? the response was I have a bachelor degree in arts. This is another type of squirters who intentionally and selfishly take any discussion out of its track.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#24
Your story is clear and yes, we wish to have actionable comments Devesh \ud83d\udc1d Bhatt. We may differ on many issues, but we don't differ on the code of practice on how to express our differences. As simple these rules of conduct are; still some people violate them.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#26
Your English is as clear as the skies in a summer day Yolanda \u00c1vila M\u00e1rquez. I agree with you. Yes, as spong leaves voids to absorb we need also to have voids. We write to share our thoughts. e may differ, but for a reason and in a respectable way. When we differ constructively we learn. This is not the case with floating comments such as I find no value in your buzz without any explanation or by twisting facts.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #21

#23
Mothers are so very special, but it takes a son to see that - and that is you, my dear Tausif Mundrawala! As a mother myself, I also reserve the right to knock my sons heads when required (metaphorically speaking!) :)

Devesh ๐Ÿ Bhatt

Devesh ๐Ÿ Bhatt

3 years ago #20

I had this exboss who was a very polite person most of the time. He deflected and let most things slide. But whenever opinions got split on an actionable, he would step in with the most painful of decisions which nobody liked. Once i asked him bluntly, where do you get the nastiness, how can he judge what everyone would dislike. (Pl note: I like this piece, so do most readers) He said " i'd rather be the asshole than to take someone else's shit" I quoted it as it is, apologies for the foul words, but the point is... such an attitude works best when working towards an actionable and not otherwise. I wonder what the actionable is here?

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#20
It is the ability to adapt to the external forces dear Debasish Majumder. The more resilient we are, the more we may adapt. Antifragility may be introduced here. Let e think more for you invoked a new idea my friend

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

3 years ago #18

bride means it is ready to mingle with a groom, opposite to her trait, yet having the possibilities to make the conjugal journey smooth, despite there is even possibilities of contradictions. in case of contents too, having the same fate to confront with. but, the question how much endurance one may possess to make the affinity healthy, and if the external conditions may trigger to disintegrate, it have to abide with such untoward incident. however, lovely insight sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the share sir.

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #17

#11
So right you are, my dear friend Tausif Mundrawala - jealousy is single most destructive characteristic we can ever be cursed with. Thank you for your wisdom and sharing in your grief, dear man.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#16
Exactly Lisa Vanderburg comment. Well-done

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #15

#1
as Pascal Derrien wisely says: Be Prepared! Whatever comes, we have to stand by our commitment! Great words, Pascal!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #14

#7
Genius thinking Harvey Lloyd! You say '"Others" present or come with stains. Attempting to filter these folks can become an obsession and focus that is very reactive. The total basis for this obsession lies in the existence of right/wrong thinking. When we consider Win-Win then we can see the stain through a different lens and make room for others.' I couldn't have put it better: we are all stained, even when we think we're not - accepting that allows for that 5th pillar: forgiveness. That said, I still think we have to have 'rules of engagement' and not blindly rely on good nature! :)

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #13

#12
I too am in awe of Harvey Lloyd!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#11
In every comment you share Tausif Mundrawala you leave a trace behind. This time my choice is "tried reasoning with one of my idotic cousin who is filled with venom rather than blood but he didn't reciprocate". Apparently, even the water that runs in our bodies varies because of what we throw in these waters.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
You are the King of Quotes Chas \u270c\ufe0f Wyatt. You amaze me how you quickly find comments that spell out what is intended from a buzz and even what is unattended. Bravo

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#8
Lisa Vanderburg You wrote "We must disagree in a forward-facing manner; try another tack, but do it in civility and respect". Harvey wrote #4 "Conformity to a stained life (reactive) or a perspective where we can carry the picture of birth and remove stains easily (Proactive)". "Once that nasty thorn of pride or arrogance is raised, all hope is lost"- to reach a win:win situation (and again as Harvey has highlighted in his comment) an author should be willing to reach a new perspective. Like me add phosphate to nitrogen to make much better fire-extinguishing material that is superior to either of the two components so we should be. We need to find that synergism.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#7
Harvey Lloyd- if I am a "forest of wisdom" then you are the jungle. You have a beautiful attitude and therefore your comments are equally beautiful and packed with wisdom. You wrote "we choose to see the bride or the stain". You remind me of the Arab poet who wrote "they mock me because of the darkness of my skin. If it wasn't for the darkness of night, the dawn would never arrive". This is the highest rung on the ladder of wisdom. Yes, when two hearts melt together that is a great occasion. But isn't every bride proud of her gown? Isn't the white gown a symbol of starting a white life that is devoid of stains? I attended a wedding and some lady left her lipstick stain accidentally on the bride's gown. I don't need to tell you how the bride reacted and how furious she became. Sometimes stains get people imbalanced temporarily and in this short time span wisdom disappears. This is a forced case of a lose:lose situation and unlike the great picture by which you expressed how to arrive at a win:win situation. I wonder if any off our fellow female bees has experienced this in her wedding or one of her relatives and if she could share her story with us!

Lisa Vanderburg L

Lisa Vanderburg

3 years ago #8

You raise many interesting images in my mind, dear Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee. So many, I can only address a couple! The first thing that comes to mind is humility; one must expect and embrace opposing comments, but humility is the responsibility of both author and commenter. Once that nasty thorn of pride or arrogance is raised, all hope is lost. Given the battle-scars of the last couple of days, it has taught me one very important point: this is OUR site, not just Bebee's or Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee. We cannot expect them to mediate, clearly. We are ALL behoven to gracious conduct here. The buzz-ee has the last word (if they choose); we need to respect that. Reiterating an opposing point ad infinitum does not make for fruitful exchange. We must disagree in a forward-facing manner; try another tack, but do it in civility and respect. No one is an innocent here (including me!), so if you really don't like someone's buzz, don't comment!

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #7

#6
Ignoring stains was probably not mentioned because of the existence of right and wrong. If we eliminate right and wrong as we look at fellow humans we can share their perspective. Much like the bride with the stained gown, we choose to see the bride or the stain. I watched my two beautiful daughters get married and the gown is not what got married. Two hearts came together to form a bond like no other. Can 7 billion+ "individuals" form humanity? I would suggest that within our own paradigm we need to leave room for others. "Others" present or come with stains. Attempting to filter these folks can become an obsession and focus that is very reactive. The total basis for this obsession lies in the existence of right/wrong thinking. When we consider Win-Win then we can see the stain through a different lens and make room for others. I speak to these points not from perfection but rather from a work in progress. Like everyone else i have buttons, with the right combination, you can unlock Pandora's box. The only person that feels better is me when the lid comes off and the goal that gave me purpose is now that much further away. Win-Win thinking is a home position. A star on the map of where to come to when we are lost in the world of right and wrong. I try and live in the home position, but wander off the reservation frequently. From the home position we can launch anew and choose to which blue ocean course to take, including ignore. I tell staff frequently that i cant fix right and wrong, but we can move forward if we can articulate a win win goal. Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee you are wandering in the forest of great wisdom and i thank you for sharing with us all.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#4
"There are merely perspectives that exist that, within my own perspective would be considered stains. I can learn from this perspective, disagree with it or ignore" This is a very wise perspective Harvey Lloyd. You remind me now of the Blue Ocean Strategy. The four pillars of it are eliminate, create, increase or decrease. I wonder why the ignore piar wasn't mentioned. If we can ignore it that is great. For a bride with a stain on her gown that could be difficult. Now, I have to digest your thinking and even suggest a modification to the blue ocean strategy. These are the comments that make me proactive- look for new thoughts and build on them. Now, I am thinking...

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
Thank you and I am happy you find the buzz useful

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

3 years ago #4

The bride stands before the mirror with wonderment and excitement of the future journey of bliss. The day of marriage is full of promise and expectation. This picture is one that we need to hang on to so we trump up the day, the choreography and create great memories. Unfortunately the marriage day, like a post, has its birth, but then comes living. The first stain is always the hardest as we venture into the life of a post or marriage. We compare it back to the birth thoughts and the stain seems enormous. But as life passes by we recognize two paths. Conformity to a stained life (reactive) or a perspective where we can carry the picture of birth and remove stains easily (Proactive). "Eckhart Tolle: "...for you to be right...you need someone else to be wrong" I have always struggled with this concept. From an observational perspective the concept does exist, no doubt. My perspective though is from a single point of reference. A story explains that a gentlemen from a remote tribe was brought to New York City and shown the Empire State building, his question, How many sheep does it hold? Can we peal back the stain and see the gown (proactive) or do we merely focus on the stain (reactive)? Your post Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee displays a topic that is near and dear to my heart. We cant avoid stains in life, they come. Within free will we have the choice to do anything we want with the stain. My focus has been to eliminate the perspective of right and wrong when above the moral fundamentals. There are merely perspectives that exist that, within my own perspective would be considered stains. I can learn from this perspective, disagree with it or ignore. Thanks for the thoughts.

(Nacho) Ignacio Orna

(Nacho) Ignacio Orna

3 years ago #3

Thank you very much for this article . I've learned a lot from him.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#1
Your brevity in writing comments that are meaningful is wonderful Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

3 years ago #1

To build on your theme, being ''engaged'' before walking the publishing aisle help acquiring experience and mental readiness by wearing the writing ring of commitment :-)

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