What Not to Do

What Not to Do

People tend to go for the immediate effect. For example, they are first-cost minded. They consider the immediate cost, but leave out the adjourned cost.

This tendency extends to their social behavior. For example, to refresh their mouths some people tend to chew flavored gums. The immediate benefit is obvious. However, the deferred effect is these people get bloated. The bad mouth smell is replaced by nasty smells during their enjoyment time. Chewing gum entraps air in the stomach leading to the ill-desired effect.

The same postponed effect is observed upon eating certain foods. Some sugar-containing foods such as beans require the call for the activation of methane-releasing bacteria. This leads to the release of bad smells at times we need to avoid the increase in gassiness to be socially-acceptable. The same reasoning extends to energy drinks.

Too much socializing with people at work may sound a great idea. However, many studies show that the postponed ill-effects can be dangerous. When you get very close to a teammate this may result in knowing about her/him more than necessary leading to mistrust and later the relationship deteriorates. Like two electrons if they get closer than needed they repel each other.

There is a limit to how much we need to love a friend. Exceeding this limit will signal to your friend later on that she/he has the right to interfere with your choices. There is something embedded in each sweet relationship. This is the darkness that is embedded in the light and the chaos embedded in what seems to be a completely ordered system. We donโ€™t want the sweetness of relationship to call for the attention of methane-releasing bacteria to โ€œdigestโ€ the sugary relationships. This will turn the sweetness to smell-repelling gases.

Polarity is in having one good aspect (good smell and bad aspect in having bad smell). Like emulsifiers with one end loving water and one end hating water). This is what allows for the removal of dirt in our clothes and likewise the removal of dirt from our relationship with others. It is not having one and leaving the other. It is both. It is the chewing gum that has the immediate positive effect and the offsetting repelling effect later on. To be prepared to handle such deterred effects we need to have โ€œan endโ€ to remove the bad smell, the intervention of others in our lives and the sweetness that turns bitter later on.

Great leaders have opposite traits to deal with the opposites. These leasers have the empathy, but may be firm when needed. They are both introvert and extrovert. They are the emulsifiers of an organization for they have the ends to accumulate people around them.

Leaders are like emulsifiers- with active and opposite ends. This way they clean the fats of their worries, obstacles, disagreements, hostility and the like with being polar to people and care for them. They wash away dirt and clean others.

What are your thoughts? Do we need emulsifier-like leaders?


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Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#79
Gracias dearMarisa Fonseca Diniz

Marisa Fonseca Diniz

Marisa Fonseca Diniz

1 year ago #73

Excellent article Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee!

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#75
Thank you for your appreciative comment Ernesto Rangel

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#73
Thank you Zen Lefevrebfor your appreciation and evaluation of the post. I believe this is your first comment on any of my posts and I warmly welcome you.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Harvey Lloyd- an analogy that crossed my mind is the best sleeping position. There are studies that reveal the pros and cons of sleeping in different positions: on the back, on the stomach, on the right and the left side. Of all positions sleeping on the back is the best because it is balanced. So, when we sleep on an idea do we sleep healthily? Sleeping on the side is like going to the extreme from right to left. The balancing state is sleeping on the back. Are opposites the same and the best sleeping position for them is not tilting them right or left; it is on "their back".

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#70
It is my turn to smile now because of your comment Fay Vietmeier "By their fruits you will know them"- this is very true. I wrote on this topic. The degree of sweetness and flavor of a fruit is estimated from its Brix Number. The higher the value s, the better the fruit is. Now, I wonder what is my Brix number!. I know you have a high value one. https://www.slideshare.net/hudali15/a-challenging-metaphor-of-business-performance

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #68

@AliAnani Your compliment "sweet thinker" made this bee SMILE ;~) ever so sweetly ;~) and this truth: "how man lives ... in everyday life that is the real answer to the question" Values & beliefs are revealed in our everyday life "By their fruits you will know them"

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#65
This comment by you and the comment by Jerry Fletcher on my post of today show the great respect Harvey has gained by making mind-twisting comments. I am so happy that people here appreciate great commenters.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#63
"I for one believe that it is how man lives with the question in everyday life that is the real answer to the question". Deep thinking and you open up my mind to new possibilities dear Harvey Lloyd.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#64
"This is like participating in a painful โ€ฆ even dangerous journey โ€ฆ not knowing the outcome but trusting you will survive โ€ฆ you will arrive stronger & wiser (this would require supernatural strength in my human-opinion) There are NOT long lines of people who would sign up for such a journey โ€ฆ the thought occurs to me that the early disciples were such โ€ฆ Well- this thought of yours Fay Vietmeier shall be part of my next post. Trees that grow slowly learn from the slow journey and produce harder wood and are able to combat nature forces. I shall expand upon in my post. We endure pain and survive if we learn throughout the journey.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#64
My "sweet thinker" Fay Vietmeier You said it beautifully "As we continue around the โ€œcircleโ€ of a โ€œbelief or valueโ€ โ€ฆ it grows stronger โ€ฆ or weaker}. Yes, and this is what I meant by feedback effect between values and beliefs. You know, the result would be an upward growing spiral or a downward growing spiral. I think it is the springtime for your mind as ideas soon shall form a small waterfall.

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #63

Harvey Lloyd What an excellent point you make Harvey โ€œWe cant view the terms of Acts from our time frame but must see it from the time frame it happened. Scripture was written "to" the Jewish folks of the time, it was written "for" us in this timeโ€ Putting ourselves in a moment of history โ€ฆ seeing things in this way brings understanding โ€ฆ How very excellent how you say this Harvey: You peer into dark the end of the lake. A place where man becomes declarative to his existence. To peer in this place one must be brave enough to do it, and wise enough to accept what the depths offer back. A journey worthy of taking, but not many go nor many survive. This is like participating in a painful โ€ฆ even dangerous journey โ€ฆ not knowing the outcome but trusting you will survive โ€ฆ you will arrive stronger & wiser (this would require supernatural strength in my human-opinion) There are NOT long lines of people who would sign up for such a journey โ€ฆ the thought occurs to me that the early disciples were such โ€ฆ especially when you consider that most were martyred for their belief โ€ฆ like Steven Profoundly & beautifully stated Harvey: โ€œNever considering that our values have created beliefs that none else can share because the beliefs are unique to the individual. Creating silos of discontent. The silos look like grass across an open field.โ€

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #62

@AliAnani @HarveyLloyd Before I forget โ€ฆ let me thank you both for the rich dialog โ€ฆ the โ€œWell-Spring Spirit Cafรฉ is vibrant upon this visit ;~) My dear Professor โ€ฆ how astute is your thinking Do: โ€œour beliefs shape up our valuesโ€ or our โ€œvalues shape up our beliefsโ€ Is it: "integrity, according to their values" or "integrity, according to their beliefs" I think itโ€™s both & both (but is weighted: Iโ€™m inclined to agree with what you shared about Jonathan Haidt: โ€œwhat one believes drives the valuesโ€ You make we ponder which preceded which โ€ฆ the โ€œchicken or the eggโ€ (I am smiling: before I read your comment @AliAnani this came to my mind as well ;~) You mention โ€œloopโ€ Ali โ€ฆ Iโ€™m thinking โ€œcircleโ€ โ€ฆ We are always โ€œin processโ€ as human beings โ€ฆ as are our thoughts-beliefs-values As we continue around the โ€œcircleโ€ of a โ€œbelief or valueโ€ โ€ฆ it grows stronger โ€ฆ or weaker Has MORE influence in our life (thinking & actions) or LESS Thinking can change โ€ฆ beliefs & values can change โ€ฆ It is ongoing โ€ฆ Again I thinks itโ€™s both โ€ฆ but is weighted: Iโ€™m inclined to agree with what you shared about Jonathan Haidt: โ€œwhat one believes drives the valuesโ€

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #61

#52
Rereading your comment the chicken egg thing is quite the question. A sister question is can man hold evil in one hand and good in the other? Both are great questions but the answer has less to do with physical properties than it does what you do with the enigma. I know scientists and philosophers have given their life to these two questions. Thousands if not hours spent researching and exploring and the answer is still the same. We don't know when pressed on the physicality of the answer. I for one believe that it is how man lives with the question in everyday life that is the real answer to the question. Because, we have chickens and we have good and evil in our being. When one is handed lemons make lemonade.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#61
I am in a state of excitement because of your comment. I am thinking of the small world called USB that stores so many different topics. What would these topics do? Or, imagining moving a good number of trees in a USB and what would happen? You remind me of my post The Ponds in Our Mouths. Now, even our mouths are larger than a tiny USB that hold million pieces of information.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #59

#60
Projecting out i don't think the future will deal with us kindly. Although we have evolved materially, i should think our essence has devolved. If Darwin were here, he would state that we are not as far away from the tree as we thought. You have merely moved the tree onto a USB drive.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#59
I really don't know what to say as I am speechless. Your comment is so rich and mind-provoking. Somehow, your comment lead me to think of the Pharaohs. Nobody could understand what they wrote till that bilingual stone was found. I wonder how many stones we would need to understand our own writing after 1000 years!!!

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #57

#57
Recently i have learned of the concept of High/Low context. When i read your post it contained low context needs. I have read many of your posts, live in the same world and exposed to the same environmental conditions. I did not have to dig deep to find the context. Take your post read by someone 1,000 years from now, they will require some 1,000 year old context understanding to pull the meaning from your post. They would have to study our times, culture and current events. So when i spoke in my comment about ancient writing, i was referring to the high context nature of the writing. Paper and ink were expensive, and the cost of finding someone who new how to write added more expense. Ancient writing relied on the known context of the reader. It relied on readers and listeners to apply current high context to the minimal of words. Knowing this we must understand the context of the time and the environment to draw appropriate meaning.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#56
The tension of cognitive dissonance may reach a tipping point. That is "Cognitive Dissonence is the bridge from order to chaos". I agree in full.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#53
I am glad that I had published my new post today before reading this comment. I discuss deferred decisions and choices. Now, I need to extend the choices to the past as well.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #54

#55
Cognitive Dissonence is the bridge from order to chaos. When our values do not express our beliefs the bridge starts construction. This is most present in our culture today. Cognitive Dissonence is expressed through anger and frustration towards others. This relief allows us to manage the chaos we have entered. Never considering that our values have created beliefs that none else can share because the beliefs are unique to the individaul. Createing silos of discontent. The silos look like grass across an open field.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#54
"We hold a belief and we execute around our values". You know what I feel right now my friend? The stress of cognitive dissonance and the lack of harmony in my thinking. I am not complaining.I am only praying that I survive the stress and grow wiser. Cognitive processes are demanding, but are necessary for growing for if we don't grow we don't survive.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #52

#52
Cognitive Dissonance a process where a value executed brings feelings of anxiety when our beliefs have been compared. We may do it but the more we do it the greater the anxiety grows as it grinds against our belief. Growth in wisdom comes from this cognitive process. We hold a belief and we execute around our values. We feel the ping of cognitive dissonance we become self aware of the challenge in our own hearts and we seek the wisdom to rectify the differences, between belief and values. You peer into dark the end of the lake. A place where man becomes declarative to his existence. To peer in this place one must be brave enough to do it, and wise enough to accept what the depths offer back. A journey worthy of taking, but not many go nor many survive.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #51

#48
Looking at Acts and the time frame we must understand that the good news was "new" and disruptive. We cant view the terms of Acts from our time frame but must see it from the time frame it happened. Scripture was written "to" the Jewish folks of the time, it was written "for" us in this time. To fully understand the texts we must place ourselves with that time frame and culture. Then we can pull its meaning forward to our own time. To do otherwise would be placing modern language across ancient text and would reveal what we wanted, not what we needed. In that vein we see the cultural change that our brother Stephan was offering, although true it was devastating to the people. Knowing this, we can bring it forward and realize that all are broken and that from that brokenness the journey is difficult to unwind the chaos of thoughts. So we must all practice 1stCorinthians 13:4-. Verse 60 of chapter 7 places us firmly in that place.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#51
You are my friend "Our Reference". You amaze me with the broadness of your knowledge AND its depth. Well, your answer explains why I asked if the value=belief has a loop relationship. I imagine they reinforce each other. You remind me of the chicken and egg problem and which comes first. Maybe the best answer is both together. Could this analogy be extended to the belief-values relationship? I just wonder.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #49

#49
That my friend, is the question. It is the one the postmodern world has been experimenting. Nietzsche wrote of it, Carl Jung wrestled with it and many others. Is man capable of writing his own values that in turn could become the belief system of all. The issues arise when man creates values that must be served up to all of a culture, how do we eliminate bias? Can the folks in the fish bowl write something that all of mankind can live with, knowing that through the edge of the bowl something outside is greater than what is within. I have studied this singularity of thought for many years. Everyone that even engages the question has to start from a belief and then build their values. Jonathan Haidt of NYU Stern business school is all over this singularity and he cant get away from what one believes drives the values they dictate in public forums. He is dealing with the post modern experiment and its results of attempting to write values that remove need for belief.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#48
Fay Vietmeier Exactly as this is a reason for me to write my previous comment. ""integrity, according to their values". Now, I am asking Harvey Lloyd if we could also write " "integrity, according to their beliefs"

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#47
A point that is important is that our beliefs shape up our values. Could it be the other way round in that values shape up our beliefs> Or, is it a closed loop between beliefs and values?.

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #46

@AliAnani Harvey Lloyd Excellent point you make Harvey ... "integrity, according to their values" (eye-opening) As regards Steven & those in the Sanhedrin: what they valued was revealed /where their affections lay was uncovered "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Jesus Matthew 6:21 "set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God." Colossians 3

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #45

#44
Yes the two sides of the discussion were compelling in Acts 7. The point for me in making the reference was to establish that both sides had integrity, according to their values. What separated them was what they believed and how that belief shaped their values differently. We can learn from this. The freemen did not respect the beliefs in their altered state as presented by Stephan. Their habits/silos were more important than another's life. They couldn't because what Stephan was saying was destroying the enterprise of the "Temple". They would be unemployed and lose status. This is a warning to us to make sure we are not holding on to earthly/material things within our influence. Stephan though stood by his beliefs and the most compelling statement of the chapter was Verse 60. This stated that Stephan had integrity within his belief, but also established that his influence was for their benefit. Stephan was influencing from love. Although we could take away from this chapter frustration and anxiety we would be wise to read the chapter from the Verse 60 perspective. Great thoughts and it shows how we are to lead and see others.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#44
Fay Vietmeier Love this quote from your rich comment "Right influence is founded on honesty & moral uprightness (not personal gain)". This is truly genune spiritual definition. I am glad you are drafting a post on this idea.

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #43

Harvey Lloyd This added thought Values do shape our perspective & our beliefs ... influence our focus ... Values reflect what we consider "valuable" (on this I am in "draft")

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #42

Harvey Lloyd In every way โ€ฆ I mean to convey that any โ€œinfluenceโ€ you might exercise would always be accompanied by integrity Your words reflect Whose your are โ€ฆ a man of wisdom & integrity In my human-opinion: โ€œInfluencing with integrity is right influenceโ€ Right influence is founded on honesty & moral uprightness (not personal gain) Integrity is defined as: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. I LOVE the example you gave from Acts 7 โ€ฆ Stevenโ€™s appeal was powerful โ€ฆ and compelling โ€ฆ he eloquently laid out the history of the Jewish nation to those sitting in the Sanhedrin โ€ฆ appealing to them as โ€œBrothers & fathersโ€ โ€ฆ beginning with Abraham โ€ฆ through who came Isaac & Jacob who was the father of the 12 Patriarchs (12 tribes of Israel) Throughout his oration Steven kept reminding them of Godโ€™s hand on this people We are told that Steven was โ€œfull of the Holy Spiritโ€ but it did NOT change the heart of those in the Sanhedrin โ€ฆ they proved to be exactly as the concluding words Steven spoke: a "stiff-necked people, with uncircumcised hearts & ears ! You are just like your fathers: You always resist the Holy Spiritโ€ โ€ฆ When they heard this they were furious โ€ฆ โ€ฆ but Steven, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven โ€ฆ he said, โ€œI see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of Godโ€ โ€ฆ โ€œthey covered their ears โ€ฆ they all rushed at him โ€ฆ dragged him out of the city and stoned himโ€ So well stated Harvey: โ€œInfluence offers a path of perspective change, but it does not mean the person/group will follow the new perspectiveโ€ It is hard to change โ€œstiff-neckedโ€ โ€ฆ โ€œhard-hearted peopleโ€ Jesus knew this โ€ฆ so did Steven

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#41
Absolutely correct and I hate command and control and I find this produces opposite results over time. I have seen it where a school headmaster forced students to pray and these same students turned against praying later on. We hate to be forced to change and not change itself. The irony is that we repel being controlled and yet we tend to do the same to others. The ego of command and control implies that the commander thinks that he/she is more knowledgeable than those being commanded. This is a low-esteem perspective and can be degrading.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#40
I am sorry to have answered before you my friend, but I couldn't hold myself. Your integrity is mine.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #39

#37
In considering the word influence and its choice compared to command and control, think discipleship:) I believe you will find a few chapters and verse to fill a few pages. Acts 7 is a large oration of influence that fell on deaf ears. Stephen certainly did not have control. But his oration was awesome based on the group he was attempting to influence. Influence offers a path of perspective change, but it does not mean the person/group will follow the new perspective. Command and control however allows for mechanisms of dealing with those who's perspective does not change. I do not like command and control because once set into motion then inevitably you will have those that cant transition with you. They are usually dealt with in ways that cause indigestion. "Freemen"=Command and control Stephan=Influence.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #38

#36
Thank you my friend, i appreciate that you know me well enough to answer the questions of others. Yes integrity was implied.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#37
Fay Vietmeier I look forward to reading your wind-blowing post that shall send windy ideas in my head. I hope soon.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #36

#35
Fay Vietmeier all of the "Honor" Labels are emergent from values. Integrity is one of them. Folks have integrity within their values. When the values are shared then one can be said to have integrity. There are many that i do not have integrity as i do not share their values. I honor my own values within an envelope of integrity, but my values sometimes disrupt others values. secular answer would be to ask if one influences for the benefit of the one being influenced or themselves? One step further would be manipulation. Influence at the expense of the other. Very good question you asked. One should always question the emergent properties of any "Honor" styled language with Values. Values being the foundation we share.

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #35

@AliAnani No question in my mind either ... my dear Professor All "influence" ... should be accompanied by integrity "Each choice has its own potential. Choosing wisely is the point" ~ @Harvey Lloyd A most worthy topic ... I have added it to my "list of topics to write about I know your thought-windmill would spin a bit differently than mine ;~)

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#35
No question in my mind that Harvey Lloyd. Choices have their potential energy meaning that we may have "potential electrodes" with one choice cathode and the other acting as anode. The current of our choices is thus affected by this differential potential of our choices.

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #33

#26
Harvey Lloyd Harvey~ this is so well stated: "Each choice has its own potential. Choosing wisely is the point" Your responses show that you are a wise man If you exert "influence" ... it would be accompanied by integrity I would "follow" you ;~)

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#33
We normally say spaghetti-like chaos,but the herding cats metaphor is exceptional dear Fay Vietmeier. The reasoning you give, the explanation you offer and the examples you give leave no room for me to add anything. I may only say that you are "well-spring spirit".The spring gives life to the almost dead.

Fay Vietmeier

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #31

@AliAnani Being the "thought-windmill" that you are my dear Professor We never know where your windmill of thinking will go... All relationship need healthy boundaries to be set (home and-or work) Discernment is required: regarding how close someone should be/or the influence that is healthy Regarding "Leadership" your words reminded me of my recent post on "Herding Cats & Wise Herdsmen" https://www.bebee.com/producer/@fay-vietmeier-pennsylvania/herding-cats-wise-herdsmen-coaching-collaborating-and-compromising-for-consensus-202453 thoughts about โ€œwise herdsmenโ€ o Wise herdsmen are good guides. They possess the ability to โ€œherd catsโ€ โ€ฆ direct potential chaos into a productive process that brings people together and moves them in the right direction. o They are not self-seeking or self-serving o They edify: build-up rather than tear-down o They create a THINKING environment that fosters competency o They look to the good of their โ€œherdโ€ to develop opportunities that nurture creativity, contribution and growth. o They are artful communicators of vision & strategy: an essential competency to inspire people to follow and motivate them to achieve. o They establish trust by being trustworthy (demonstrated by actions โ€ฆ not platitudes) o They walk the talk of their well-worded โ€œmission statementsโ€ & corporate โ€œvaluesโ€ We all know that words โ€ฆ without action โ€ฆ are meaningless.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

I warmly thank you for your sharing the post Rinki Sharma. You are most welcome to beBee.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#30
Thank you for sharing your perdonalexperience Tausif Mundrawala. Yes, and I am covering in my post not only accepting our friends' bad traits, but also how to turn them creatively into likable ones. We have to learn how to accept others with their shortcomings because there is nobody who is free of all of them. Yes, the mud were were created from shall n't turn to gold. But we may change the mud to a better quality one.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#28
I couldn't say it better than you did Harvey Lloyd. There are always choices. One major choice is the realization that there are choices. Closing the door on available choice make them redundant and as if they weren't there.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #27

#27
I find in young leaders thrust into positions by title or events utilize an automated response mechanism. Produced by past experience, education and other emotional energies. This clouds the choice is even available. Just letting young leaders know that the choice is there, and that time spent thinking about which one, will save time in the end.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#26
"Knowing which one to choose can harness the energy of many or the strength of one". This is one direction in my next post.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #25

#24
The key to your comment lies in the seeds of influence vs seeds of control. Knowing which one to choose can harness the energy of many or the strength of one. Each choice has its own potential. Choosing wisely is the point.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #24

I think it proper to understand the term leadership from a followers perspective. We cant lead unless we know how to follow. This is an old adage. From the followers perspective we can state that it is also an adage of seeking wise counsel. We do this with doctors, layers and other specialists. These fields represent more event related needs of wise counsel. Followers though sometimes need wise counsel on how to lead themselves and possibly others through the events life has handed them. Leaders who find themselves in this role with a follower must concede control and become a good steward of the follower. We also know this as the trust relationship. To exercise control with commanding statements is to remove the trust the follower placed in your stewardship. A wise person realizes that sometimes they are the leader and at other times they are the follower. Two very different skill sets when one is distributing wise counsel or is seeking it.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#22
You explain the responsibility of leaders very explicitly. Yes, leaders take responsibility of the outcome because they are in charge of the seeds. You remind me of a great experiment at Nottingham University. A professor at the school of agriculture wanted to find a way other than the slow manual sorting of the good seeds from the bad ones. His research led him to the discovery that good seeds prefer an anode and the bad ones go for the cathode. Not only brilliantly he solved the problem,but also accepted the responsibility that he is in charge of selecting the seeds. Now, what harvest these seeds produce is again the leaders' responsibility.

John Rylance

John Rylance

1 year ago #22

#20
Yes wholeheartedly. Would you agree that the growing genre of Reality TV has for the reasons you give mean such programs are more Soap based than Reality?

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

1 year ago #21

Yes, we need leaders in our life at the event level and also at the helm. Leaders think about different things, they worry about different things. How often do we worry about our doctor. No our doctor, upon calling on them, worries about us. Their worries are different than our own. In my current place i have been reminded of an early axiom of Control vs Influence. Leaders understand this concept and know when they only have influence and when they must take control. But a leader also knows that once they take control, the outcome is theirs. The diversity that influence brings to outcomes is lost. A emergency worker takes control because they have a pragmatic plan that only makes you safe. What you are experiencing within the event is not their concern. In influence and to borrow your term is the act of emulsifying, the leader is merely the catalyst in the form of a seed. They plant the seed of perspective change and watch it grow together with other seeds. The harvest or outcome comes when the seeds find unifying outcomes, where the perspective is rewarded. A sailor influences the course with all the other shipmates and the outcome of arriving at their destination is the harvest of those efforts.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

Harvey Lloyd- we need your brains to enrich these discussions.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#19
Great thoughts again and I say that a movie with no conflict to resolve is flat and boring. Conflicts are tensions that may lead to creative ideas. The easy solution is to fight, but not resolve. They say variety is the spice of life and I say conflicts are the spice of life if resolved and not go in circles. Soap is the resolution to life conflicts. Do you agree with these thoughts John Rylance?

John Rylance

John Rylance

1 year ago #18

#14
Your response brought to mind this phrase. You can chose your friends but you can't choose your family.  We have a Soap in the UK, Eastenders, where families are constantly arguing etc., a character is invariably saying/shouting about "families", but never really resolving. Then there's the Aussie Soap, Neighbours, whose signature tune contains the line "good neighbours should be good friends", while portraying the exact opposite. Neighbours constantly at loggerheads. I always wonder whether Soaps reflect Real Life or vice versa.  Are they suggesting life without conflict is boring? No conflict poor ratings, lots of conflict good ratings is perhaps the answer.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#17
Thank you for highlighting the positive side effects as well.You are right. In fact, those positive side effects could be multi-fold of the initial action.

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

1 year ago #16

Inspiring post for leadership lessons! I presume, leadership traits comes, like an offshoot, when a person of excellent character gives sound precepts to others, clears hurdles and make things easier for them to understand and adhere to it in their lives for better outcomes.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#13
Yes, friendship turns into a problematic one if spoiled by meddlesome acting.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#12
Interesting comment and thanks for adding another side effect for chewing and swallowing gum. Knee-jerk responses have their ill-effects as well as I see them a form of "chewing same words".

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#11
Quite interesting thoughts here as I wonder if "imposed friendship" is as strong as a "gained friendship". What I mean is that we might be friendly with unfriendly parents because of genetic reasons or social pressures. This doesn't mean that the parents are necessarily wrong, but that they may be seeing our interests from a different perspective than we do. This explains further why we need to have opposite skills to deal with opposite traits.

Franci ๐ŸEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

#3
I agree Pascal Derrien. Some friends may mean well but become too meddlesome. Also, as we grow our interests change and what we had in common with a friend or friends may no longer exist.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#9
Dear Debasish Majumder- thank you for sharing your thoughts on sub atomic spin and I truly appreciate your good words. I wait to read your forthcoming poem my good friend.

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

1 year ago #10

#8
half integer spin of sub atomic particle do give us a vivid understanding of what you really mean in your intriguing post along with the photograph sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee, really enticing one to write a poetry! thank you once again for your stunning post sir.

John Rylance

John Rylance

1 year ago #9

#8
Since posing the questions, I've given it further thought. I to a look why kept friends with some people and why other friendships and faltered or waned. The reasons were almost the same number as the number of friends.  It triggered this memory re friendship. When a friend who I had known for years died. One of his sons said he was curious as to why I was friends with him.  I did give him an answer, which I repeated a few years later when his wife died and the other son and daughter asked independently of each other. None of the three felt their parents really cared about them. Neither parent for various reasons felt they could show they were proud of them or valued what they achieved. How often do we say to ourselves and/or others how can X be friends with Y?

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#7
This isn't an easy question to answerJohn Rylance. Even though atoms are different, their electrons are the same. How electrons bond together keeps to the same rules that no electrons shall couple with another till all electrons spin in one direction. Once they couple the two binding electrons spin in opposite directions. Should friends do the same and couple their interests in different directions? AN idea that is worthy of further exploration.

John Rylance

John Rylance

1 year ago #7

#6
Is part of this our ground rules for what we expect from and are prepared to give in our friendships? Are these the same for all friends? Or tailored for each friend? I ask because I'm not sure.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#4
Till the friend doesn't try out of jealousy to control your life as if the friend "owned" you Debesh Choudhury

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#3
Very concise

Debesh Choudhury

Debesh Choudhury

1 year ago #4

It is not an easy subject Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee .. I am trying to understand the '"limit to how much we need to love a friend".

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

1 year ago #3

Close enough to still be far โ€ฆ.

Ali ๐Ÿ Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee

#1
Your sweetness only turns to gratitude dear Debasish Majumder. Million thanks

Debasish Majumder

Debasish Majumder

1 year ago #1

absolutely fascinating buzz sir Ali \ud83d\udc1d Anani, Brand Ambassador @beBee! enjoyed read and shared. thank you very much for the buzz sir.

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